


A year

by rokeat



Category: Glee
Genre: Blam, Cancer, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Major Illness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-11
Updated: 2017-08-10
Packaged: 2018-07-22 22:24:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 49,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7456180
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rokeat/pseuds/rokeat
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Blaine and Sam have finally gotten together after years of frustration, and everything is going so well and they are so happy that it seems too good to be true... And it is. When Blaine discovers he is ill, will he be able to send Sam away to protect him? Or will Sam be more stubborn than that and stay there for him in every step of the way? MORE WARNINGS INSIDE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. June

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I need to warn you about something but it will contain MAJOR SPOILERS, so if you don't have any kind of triggers and prefer nhot to know, please, skip this.
> 
> This is a story about Blaine being ill, especifically with cancer. I understand this might be very painful for some people to read for a lot of reasons, so if that's your case, you may not want to read this. If you decide to continue, you must know it's going to be very dramatic and probably painful to read (though I think it would be wise to tell you that there will be no deaths in this fic, so you can be safe about that. Sorry if you would have prefered not to know in advance).
> 
> Also, my knowledge in this is quite limited, so I apologize in advance for all the mistakes and incoherences you will surely find.
> 
> I want to dedicate this fic to all the fighters that have had to deal with something like this, and to all the people that have shared their pain with them.

Blaine smiled even before he got to open his eyes in the morning, but he couldn’t help it: that’s the effect Sam’s arm resting loosely around his waist had on him. Waking up next to that wonderful man was the most exciting and amazing feeling he had ever gotten to experience, and fortunately that had been happening more and more frequently in the last two months since they had taken the step to be together, after years of friendship and frustration. In fact, it happened so often that it was almost as if they were already living together. And even on those nights when Sam got off work so late, he would head for Blaine’s home instead of his own empty apartment, only so they could sleep together and wake up next to each other. Because apparently he loved it just as much as Blaine did.

Blaine’s fingers moved to Sam’s arm on his own accord to gently caress it up and down, his smile only getting wider at the thought that Sam seemed to be completely unable to sleep without touching him in some way. Most of the times they would curl around each other in a mess of limbs, or Sam would spoon him. Other times it was just a hand on his stomach or, like that morning, and arm around his waist, just as if he was making sure that Blaine wouldn’t escape during the night. As if Blaine would want to be anywhere else, he thought with a chuckle, his heart beating so strongly that he was afraid it might burst any moment with love for the other boy.

Turning on his side to face his partner, Blaine was about to wake him up when he was spellbound by Sam’s beauty on his sleep, and he caressed his face with the back of his hand. He felt so fortunate to be with him... Not because of his beauty –well, that too, of course, as Sam was the most stunning man he had ever met and well, he was not blind!–, but for his kindness and how easy everything was with him. And his sense of humour, of course, as hardly a day went by in which Blaine wouldn’t end up with tears in his eyes from laughing too much. There were no words for Blaine to describe how grateful he was to have fallen in love with his best friend. Wow, could he already call it love? Maybe it was a bit hasty; after all, they had been together for like, what, two months? It was not a long time. But the truth was that their feelings for each other came from a long –really long– way back before that, so to call it _love_ may not be that crazy. After all, even if they were not together, Sam had been the most important person in his life for years, and he knew it also worked the other way around. And yes, maybe he was just being his usual self and he was just over thinking everything. But he surely had never been that happy before and he couldn’t help it: he could really picture a future with Sam at his side.

Wanting to spoil his fabulous lover, Blaine carefully extricated himself from Sam’s grip and only bothered to put on some sweatpants that had been thrown carelessly to the floor in a fit of passion the night before making his way into the kitchen. He could have kicked himself in the shin when he realized that in his ecstasy from the last week at being with Sam he had forgotten to buy any groceries and he had next to nothing but... he would get something fixed, he was sure of that. Anything for his man.

In the end he couldn’t offer more than some cheese sandwiches and a glass of milk… but he knew Sam would appreciate the effort anyway, so with a mischievous smile in his lips he returned to the room and placed the tray on his bedside table so he could wake his boyfriend up with the attention he deserved.

He had to smile as he noticed Sam had turned to lie on his stomach while strongly clutching his pillow once he had been deprived of Blaine’s body, as if suddenly his arms felt too empty. But that only left more extension for Blaine to travel with his lips, so he carefully kneeled on the bed and started kissing every inch of the skin in Sam’s back.

“Just five more minutes, Mum” Sam mumbled before he even got to open his eyes.

“I really hope your mother didn’t wake you up like this” Blaine joked as he gave Sam’s neck a last kiss and let his upper body fall on top of his boyfriend’s.

“No, she wasn’t so sweet for sure” Sam answered, a bit more alert, relishing the pleasure Blaine’s warm body on his always produced.

“And you haven’t seen nothing yet, I brought you breakfast to bed” Blaine announced as the tip of his fingers slowly travelled Sam’s sides, almost as if he couldn’t stop touching him even if they were laying on top of each other.

“Really?” Sam exclaimed in excitement, trying to raise his head to look at it, but Blaine only took advantage of the better access to it and starting kissing his neck, oh so slowly.

“It’s really only bread and cheese, really, but I put my heart in it” Blaine joked as he continued with his slow torture, adding his tongue to his actions until he felt Sam quivering underneath him.

“Oh no, no, no, you’re going to have to stop that unless you’re willing to be late for class” Sam protested as he tried to lift his upper body so he could turn around, as Blaine’s loving ministrations were starting to drive him crazy.

“Really? You’re that easy?” Blaine laughed, even if he raised enough to let Sam change positions.

“As if you didn’t know already” Sam joked as he finally lay on his back and gave Blaine an impossibly wide smile that would have melted his heart if it wasn’t a puddle of feelings already. “Morning, babe” he said before he gently grabbed the back of Blaine’s head to bring him down and give him the kiss he deserved.

“Morning, Sammy” Blaine answered in the sweetest tone before he let himself fall on Sam’s chest, his absolutely favorite place in the world.

Sam lost no time in putting both his arms around Blaine’s smaller frame in a strong embrace, almost as if they had been a year apart instead of the few minutes it had taken Blaine to get the breakfast ready.

“Come here” Sam whispered as he motioned for Blaine with a hand to his hip to fully climb on top of him, from head to toe, because there was nothing he loved more than feeling Blaine’s weight on him. Even though he seemed to have thrown some clothes on him, the bastard. “Why aren’t you naked?” he protested in a whiny tone.

“Because as you said, I’m not willing to be late for class” Blaine answered with a chuckle, though he still took his time to kiss those lips he would never get tired of.

“Yeah, as if some stupid sweatpants were going to make much of a difference” Sam answered in a huskier tone as he took advantage of the way he was still embracing Blaine to roll them and change their positions until he was the one trapping Blaine’s body with his own.

“You’re such a pervert” Blaine mockingly complained when he recovered from the shock, but his actions belied the sentiment behind his words when he cupped the back of Sam’s head and brought him down for another kiss.

“You should already know that” Sam replied as his lips hungrily moved to Blaine’s inviting neck, getting encouraged by Blaine’s hand tenderly playing with the hair in the back of his hair.

“Wait” Blaine stopped him when Sam stopped his trail to suck on his Adam’s apple, something he perfectly knew drove Blaine crazy.

“Getting too caught up in the moment too?” Sam joked as he gently bit on that inch of flesh where neck meets shoulder, very proud of the small moan it elicited on his lover.

“No… well, yes, but I wanted to give you something first” Blaine enigmatically answered before extricating himself from Sam’s embrace to sit up and reach for something in the drawer of his night stand.

Sam sat up too, expectantly, looking at his boyfriend while trying to guess what he had come up with this time. After all, Blaine loved spoiling him and little surprises and gifts were almost an everyday occurrence for him. He didn’t know what he was expecting when Blaine grabbed his hand and made him open it in front of him, but it surely wasn’t the couple of keys with a little pink ribbon tied around them that Blaine deposited on Sam’s extended hand.

“Here you are” Blaine said, accompanying his words with a little kiss to Sam’s cheek.

“What is this?” Sam asked, his eyes impossibly wide with surprise and emotion.

“A couple of keys” Blaine jokingly answered, feeling incredibly happy at how moved Sam seemed to be his gesture.

“I can see that, you idiot” Sam replied with a shaky laugh. “But…”

“Well, no matter what I say you keep coming back here night after night like a stray dog, you know?” Blaine kidded his boyfriend, even if his hand went to move some hair out of Sam’s forehead in a tender gesture. “And sometimes you arrive really late and I’m kinda tired of having to get up from my beauty sleep to open the door for you”

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah, you’re such a nuisance”

“Stop it already, I’m trying to stop the tears right now!” Sam protested even if he was sporting the biggest smile Blaine had ever seen in him.

“Why would you think I’m joking?” Blaine said with an impossible tender expression, all pretence of humor forgotten at knowing just being with him made Sam that happy. “All jokes aside, Sam… Having you here is… amazing. So I want you to feel comfortable to come and go as you please. And fortunately… all the time”

Sam couldn’t find his voice for maybe the first time in his life, so instead he followed his instincts and threw his arms around Blaine to embrace him with all his forces, one of his hands immediately getting lost in the wildness of Blaine’s curls as the other one traced paths all along the extension of his bare back.

“We’re really doing this” Sam said, his voice shaking so slightly, once the embrace broke and he was able to look into Blaine’s loved-filled eyes.

“It looks like so” Blaine answered before he bit on his own bottom lip, unsuccessfully trying to stop the smile he knew it was breaking there –and which he was afraid wasn’t going to be able to erase for weeks at least.

“You don’t know how long I’ve been waiting for this” Sam said as he gently cupped Blaine’s cheek with his hand.

“I get an idea” Blaine answered with a chuckle, as he had wanted it for just as long.

Sam smiled at him again and then covered the distance between them to capture Blaine’s lips in a slow and loving kiss that soon became deeper and more desperate. Sam gently pushed Blaine down so he could again climb on top of him, their lips never separating for a second, and only when one of his hands got mischievous and tried to pull Blaine’s sweatpants down, the latter playfully slapped his hand and broke the kiss.

“What about breakfast?” Blaine asked, but he couldn’t protest any longer as the moan that escaped his throat as Sam unexpectedly moved to kiss his neck and chest interrupted him.

“It’s bread and cheese, it’s not like it’s going to get cold” Sam answered against his skin, just before his tongue expertly looped around of Blaine’s nipples.

“Sam, I’m going to be late for class” Blaine protested without too much enthusiasm, his head rolling backwards on its own accord at the pleasure Sam was delivering.

“Yeah, well” Sam answered in a tone that easily belied how little he cared about that, as his lips just kept going lower and lower on Blaine’s abdomen, knowing exactly which points to kiss and lick to make his boyfriend forget about everything.

And this time, Blaine didn’t even try to protest when Sam finally rid him of his pants.

**********

Blaine could hardly keep his eyes open as he pretended to watch TV. He knew he could easily go to bed, especially considering the horrible headache he was sporting. Sam had his key, after all, so he would find his own way in without him having to open the door for him. But… he didn’t want to go to bed without at least seeing him. Their very different schedules that week had kept them from spending as much time together as they would have liked, and he felt he missed Sam. Which was kind of ridiculous, considering they practically lived together even if Sam hadn’t officially moved in. But that was how he felt. And if seeing Sam’s beautiful face and having his strong arms around him while they relaxed in front of the TV made him lose a bit of sleep… so be it.

Thinking about everything he had to do the next day, Blaine sighed to himself. He felt so tired lately… Maybe it was because of the stress of the final weeks of the year at NYADA and his job at the music shop –plus the little sleep he was getting thanks to Sam–, but lately he had been having a lot of headaches, and he had even gotten dizzy a couple of times. He was sure he was just tired and stressed, but maybe he should visit the doctor and make sure he wasn’t lacking any vitamins or anything.

Oh, gosh, he did have something else to do next day! He had agreed to meet his good friend Sebastian between classes and work, right? Though apparently they had forgotten to decide on a time and a place. Poor Seb, he was probably just as stressed as he was with college.

 _Hey Seb,_ he texted his friend over whatsapp. _Still up?_

 _Hey, Killer,_ Sebastian answered almost immediately. _Just finishing some essay. And you? Homework or waiting for the hubby?_

Blaine smiled at Sebastian’s words. Sebastian had been incredibly supportive of his relationship with Sam from the beginning –even before they got together, Sebastian had guessed Blaine’s feelings and had been the one encouraging him to take the risk–, and Blaine was thankful that they had been able to put everything that had happened at high school behind them and he could now count with a friend like him.

 _Second option. Hey, is tomorrow’s date still up?,_ Blaine texted.

_Of course! Or you have other plans?_

_No, I was just wondering because we hadn’t agreed on the details._

_Blainey, we said I’d pick you up at NYADA and then we’d have lunch at that little place near your work. Don’t you remember?_

Shit no, he didn’t remember. Had they really talked about it?

 _When did we agree to that?,_ Blaine asked in confusion.

_When I called you two days ago? I know you were listening, because as usual you said there was no need for me to go all the way there and I had to convince you it was not a problem, remember?_

They had talked about it? How come he couldn’t remember? He remembered talking to Sebastian on the phone just after work, but had they really talked about that?

 _You okay, Killer?_ Sebastian asked when Blaine failed to answer, obviously worried about him.

 _Yes, don’t worry, I have a headache and I was probably not thinking clearly, but I remember now_ , he lied. No need to have Sebastian worrying about him when he was probably just too tired.

_Then maybe you should take some painkillers and go to bed, I’m sure Sam won’t mind_

_Yeah, probably._

_You’re sooooo going to ignore my advice_

_You know me too well ;)_

_Well, I hope you have a lot of rest anyway. I have to go back to my essay now. I’ll see you tomorrow, ok?_

_Ok. Goodnight, Seb_

_Nighty night, Killer_

Ok, that was weird. As much as he tried to remember, he had no recollection of that conversation. And he knew Sebastian was not making a mistake, if he so clearly remembered everything they had said. Well, that was just another sign of how much he really needed to stop for a bit. He was lucky the school year was ending in just a couple of weeks, otherwise he didn’t know how he was going to survive.

Thankfully he forgot all about that as soon as he heard a key turning on the lock of his front door and knew Sam was finally there. He had to smile when he saw his boyfriend walking on his tiptoe and trying to be as silent as possible in case Blaine was asleep, but as soon as Sam saw him sitting on the sofa his face broke into a loving and warm smile.

“Hey, sweetie” he said as he left the keys on the little tray next to the door and made all the way to the sofa so he could kiss Blaine’s cheek. “What are you doing still up?”

“Just flipping through the channels” Blaine answered, his face still blushing a little every time Sam used a pet name that reminded him they were now together.

“Were you waiting for me?” Sam asked as he sat at Blaine’s side and rested a hand on the latter’s thigh, his smile only getting bigger at what he knew was going to be the answer.

“Kinda” Blaine admitted, unconsciously letting his body fall slightly to the side to rest against his boyfriend’s.

“Even if you have to get up early tomorrow?”

“I didn’t want to go to sleep without at least seeing you” Blaine confessed, his face blushing again to the point Sam thought couldn’t get any more adorable.

“You’re so sweet” Sam praised him while putting an arm around his shoulders to squeeze him lovingly to his side.

“Are you hungry? I made some supper”

“Gosh, you’re amazing”

“Why don’t you get it and eat it here with me? I’ll keep you company while you eat” Blaine suggested. He would have gotten it himself, but he was so tired he felt unable to move.

“Sure” Sam agreed and he was on his feet in a jump almost immediately. “Are you going to eat too?”

“No, I’m not hungry”

“You ok?”

“Yeah, just… I’m just feeling a little under the weather today, but nothing to worry about”

“Maybe you’re catching something” Sam said as he rested a hand on Blaine’s forehead to check his temperature, immediately worried as Blaine rarely admitted he was not feeling well.

“Yeah, that’s probably it” Blaine answered, trying not to sound as doubtful as he felt. “But come on, go get your dinner, you look hungry”

“Ok, I’ll be right back” Sam said with a kiss to Blaine’s forehead before going to get his dinner.

They kept a light conversation as Sam eat at the coffee table, getting up to date about their respective days and sharing jokes and affectionate gestures between them –Blaine had even turned the TV off to give his boyfriend his whole attention–. The familiarity in their actions felt wonderful, and they almost felt as if they had been together for their entire lives instead of two months. But that’s what dating your best friend since high school is about, right?

“What?” Sam asked with an amused smile when he was cleaning his mouth with his napkin and noticed Blaine was looking intently at him, unmoving.

“Nothing, I’m just waiting” Blaine answered with a smile to match.

“For what?”

“For you to finish so I can cuddle up to your chest to watch TV”

Sam laughed wholeheartedly at his impossibly sweet boyfriend –it never ceased to amaze him how unafraid Blaine was to be affectionate an honest about his feelings– and he rushed to leave his plate in the sink so he could comply with Blaine’s wishes.

“Come here, my little angel” he said before his butt even made contact with the sofa again.

Of course Blaine didn’t need to be told twice, and practically jumped in Sam’s arms, his favorite place in the Earth. He let his side rest against Sam’s strong chest as his head fell on the blond’s shoulder, and he practically purred in bliss when Sam’s hand started massaging his scalp.

“The TV is not even on” Sam reminded him amusedly after a couple of minutes.

“I don’t care, I just wanted you, the TV was an excuse” Blaine answered with a chuckle, and to reinforce his words he just snuggled even closer on Sam’s chest and hid his face under his boyfriend’s chin.

Sam held on to him more strongly and wondered if his heart would ever go back to beat at a normal pace around Blaine. It surely seemed to go a lot faster since he and Blaine had gotten together, and sometimes it accelerated so much that it felt about to explode. Especially when Blaine was being affectionate and sweet towards him, which he was most of the time. Especially when he turned into a little ball just so Sam’s arms could envelop him completely. Especially when he made Sam feel he was some kind of hero just because someone as perfect as Blaine had chosen to love him. And yeah, what they had was love, he didn’t have any doubt about it anymore. And maybe it was about time to say it.

“I love you, you know” Sam said, almost in a whisper, not wanting to disturb the peacefulness of the room even if he knew Blaine would appreciate it.

Blaine lifted his head from Sam’s chest for a second to look intently at his eyes. It was not that he didn’t know how Sam felt for him, but it was the first time they said it. And Blaine loved how it had happened in a daily moment, how Sam had suddenly felt the need to say it when they were just cuddling together instead of waiting for the perfect time. Which meant that for Sam there was nothing more perfect than their simple and easy moments in their simple and easy life. And that thought made Blaine happier than he had ever imagined.

“I love you too” Blaine answered with a smile that was immediately reciprocated, and then he let himself fall on Sam’s chest again because there was no need for more words.

“Is it too soon to ask you to marry me?” Sam suddenly broke the comfortable silence a couple of minutes later.

“A little” Blaine answered with a chuckle, though he could have sworn Sam was only half joking. “But we know how much you love proposing so…”

“It would be the first time I really mean it, you know?” Sam explained with a laugh as he remembered those times in high school when his impulsivity had driven him to propose to Quinn or Brittany without even meaning it. “It would be the first time I can really see it, and not just an impulse. So…”

“Don’t you dare” Blaine threatened him with a smile.

“Will you…?” Sam pretended to try, but Blaine interrupted him first.

“Stop!” he ordered, and both of them laughed at the silliness of the situation.

“Someday I will ask you and you will have to say yes” Sam warned him, and by the way he felt when Sam’s loving fingers played with the curls in the back of his head, Blaine didn’t have any doubt about it.

“Ok, someday” he casually promised.

“Really?” Sam asked, wanting to know if he had heard correctly.

Blaine’s answer was just a shrug of his shoulders, but the tender smile that went with it spoke volumes about how he really felt.

“Gosh, then I need to start thinking about the perfect proposal” Sam suddenly announced, mockingly worried about it which only made Blaine chuckle again.

“Forget about the proposal, it’s a perfect wedding the only thing we need” Blaine contradicted him, easily getting into the game.

“And what about the perfect married life?”

“Oh, what are you going to do about it?”

“I promise… that I will always give a message to your back and you feet when you’re tired” Sam said after pretending to be thinking intently about it. “What about you?”

“I promise to always wake you up with a kiss” Blaine answered without hesitation.

“Uh, I like that one. Nothing will beat my promise of washing your hair for you whenever we shower together, though, I know how much you love that”

“Please, what about making pancakes for you every single Sunday of your life?”

“Dinners at candlelight”

“Romantic serenades”

“Ok, you win” Sam feigned to surrender at that, although it was true that there was nothing he loved more than hearing Blaine signing a slow love song –especially when it was directed at him. “Gosh, our lives are going to be amazing”

“Indeed they are” Blaine easily agreed just before giving Sam’s lips a quick peck to close the deal. But they quick movement of his head made his eyesight go blurry for a second in one of those dizziness spells he had been having recently, and he could not stop a little wince that of course didn’t go unnoticed to his boyfriend.

“What’s wrong?” Sam immediately asked.

“I just have a terrible headache” Blaine answered vaguely, as he didn’t want for Sam to worry too much.

“Wow, are you really using a headache as an excuse not to have sex with me so soon?” Sam joked, and Blaine knew it was just his way of trying to make him feel better, and not because he didn’t take it seriously.

“Don’t make me laugh” Blaine protested even if he hadn’t been able to stop a chuckle, which made him wince in pain again.

“Anything I can do for you, babe?” Sam asked, a bit more seriously.

“Just… hold me” Blaine asked, almost pleaded, because all those headaches and memory loses and dizziness were starting to worry him and he just needed to forget and feel safe and protected in Sam’s arms for a while.

“That’s easy” Sam answered, glad there was a way for him to help Blaine, and he gently pushed Blaine’s head on his shoulder and resumed the caressing of his hair that he knew it often made wonders to make Blaine feel better. “By the way, you’ve got to wake me up tomorrow before you go”

“Why? You should take advantage of the time you have and sleep more”

“Well, I don’t want to start the day without seeing you either” Sam answered, practically repeating Blaine’s words from earlier, and the smile the broke in Blaine’s face told him the latter understood how honest he really was even under all the joking. “And well, some kissing would be nice too”

“But I’m not letting you making me late again… as you’ve been doing all week” Blaine warned him, even if he knew it would probably be happening again because there was no way he could resist it if Sam got playful enough.

“We’ll see” Sam promised with a wink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me know what you thought!


	2. July (I)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, guys :(

Blaine tried to concentrate in putting one foot in front of the other to walk down the street after leaving the hospital. He was in shock, he knew that much, and his legs were shaking so badly he felt as if he was going to fall at any time. He contemplated giving Sam a call so he would pick him up, or even Sebastian, as he was not sure he was going to be able to make it somewhere on his own. But he couldn’t. Not until he had been able to calm himself down and come to terms with everything. And not after he had decided what to do from then on.

What was he expecting? He should have suspected something on his first visit to the doctor, when he had immediately made appointments to all kind of tests and he had insisted so much that they needed to be done as quickly as possible, just in case. Blaine had thought he was just a very dedicated doctor, and just wanted to rid him of his very annoying symptoms as soon as possible. After all, those headaches and dizziness spells had become very uncomfortable lately. But no: the doctor had just feared the worst and had wanted to confirm it as soon as possible. And he had been proven right.

Blaine’s head felt about to explode with everything the doctor had said. He had talked about treatment, prognosis, time… and had given him two days to get ready before his world was turned upside down. But how do you get ready for something like that? How can you accept you have a normal life… and then you suddenly not? How can you accept you may not get to have a life anymore?

The doctor had also begged him not to go through that alone, to get someone to share that burden with him. He had been surprised that Blaine went alone to get his results, as he would have preferred for someone to be there for him after such news. But Blaine hadn’t wanted to worry anyone, and he hadn’t even thought it was going to be so serious anyway, so he hadn’t asked Sam to go with him in what he considered a normal visit to his doctor.

Although if he was honest with himself… maybe that’s why he hadn’t asked Sam to go with him? Because he unconsciously knew it wasn’t going to be pretty and he wanted to spare Sam and anyone else from it?

Sam. Gosh, Sam was going to be devastated, Blaine realized, as a knot of tears threatened to close his throat. Why did it have to happen precisely now, when they were completely happy for the first time in their lives? When Sam had been working double shifts in the restaurant for almost a year to save enough to start on the Pratt institute next fall after Blaine’s constant encouragement? When Sam was finally comfortable and happy in New York because they were together? When Blaine was going to ask him to definitely move in with him?

How could he do that to Sam? He was the most kind-hearted man in the world, if he got to know what was going on, he would leave everything to be with Blaine, he knew that much. He wouldn’t care about anything else than taking care of Blaine, and he would forget about his future, about himself… And what if…? He couldn’t expose Sam to that kind of pain that would imply losing the person you love.

So no, there was no way he was going to let Sam go through that; he couldn’t help it, but Sam had an option. A promising future. And if breaking up with him was what needed to be done to spare him… so be it. It would hurt at first, but Sam would have a life after him.

But Blaine loved him with all his heart, and just the thought of losing him, of having to face him and tell him he didn’t want to be with him anymore, was enough to send him into a panic attack. He felt he couldn’t breathe, his heart was beating so fast he could hear it pounding in his ears, and he felt like he was dying. His knees buckled, and it wasn’t until a gentle woman was trying to help him stand that he realized he was on the floor.

“You ok, dear?” the woman kindly asked.

“Yeah” he answered even if he was almost out of breath, letting himself be manhandled towards a nearby bench.

“You want me to get someone from the hospital?” she offered, and Blaine realized he hadn’t walked more than a few yards from the place where his whole world had crumbled.

“No, I just came from there” Blaine answered, a bit more calmly now, not even wanting to think about going back there. “My blood pressure is a bit low, but they already gave me something” he lied, trying to justify his almost fainting spell.

“You sure you’re okay?” she answered, and Blaine felt incredibly grateful and comforted by the presence of that woman, standing there next to him in spite of how obvious it was that she was in a hurry by the way she kept checking her watch, and he understood that the doctor was right: he couldn’t do it alone.

“I’m okay, don’t worry. I’ll just rest here for a few minutes until I’m feeling better”

The woman didn’t seemed too convinced, but as there was nothing she could do anyway, she finally resumed her path and went away, making Blaine feel so cold and alone that he could hardly stop the tears. He needed someone with him, he knew that much. But he was not going to be as selfish as to involve Sam in this, he had already decided that, so there was only someone else he could –and had to– trust with something like this.

He took his phone out of his pocket and deeply inhaled a couple of times to encourage himself to do the call he knew he needed to do. After all, he was going to break someone’s heart, he knew that much. And it was more than he could stand.

“Hey, Squirt” his brother Cooper happily answered after the second beep.

Blaine opened his mouth to speak, desperately trying to say something, but he couldn’t find his voice. He was so scared… And suddenly hearing his big brother’s voice, that man who had always been at his side, protecting him from all the wrong in the world, always wanting to turn the world into a better place for him to live in, and knowing he was going to destroy his life too, was too much and he broke into sobs he wasn’t able to stop.

“Blaine?” Cooper asked, the tone in his voice completely different from a second ago, sounding almost like a completely different person. “You’re scaring me, Blaine. What’s wrong?”

Blaine needed a whole minute to calm down enough to speak, a whole minute in which his brother only kept repeating that it was alright, that he was there for him and that whatever it was, they’d deal with it together. Only that gave him the courage to speak, and he sighed again before he was able to speak.

“Coop, there’s something I need to tell you”

**********

The rest of the day went by in a blur for Blaine. He didn’t go to NYADA for once, and even called sick to the music shop he worked in because he didn’t feel able to feign for a whole shift. After all, it had been so difficult for him to stop the tears after telling everything to his brother –especially when he had noticed the tears in his brother’s voice too, even if he could tell Cooper was trying so hard to remain strong for him while promising he was taking the next plane to New York– and it had taken him so long to get home…

He felt as if his heart was broken. And it wasn’t just because of his health… but the fact that he was going to break up with Sam as soon as he arrived from work. In fact, he had been waiting for him at the sofa for more than an hour now, because he felt incapable of doing anything else. Just the thought of Sam, entering the apartment with his usual smile, walking happily to him for a kiss without knowing he was about to shatter his whole world… it was enough to break his heart all over again. But he couldn’t break down, not in front of Sam. It had to look as if he had only changed his mind about their relationship, and not as if he was dying inside.

He didn’t have the time to give it more thought before he heard Sam’s key. He prepared himself for what he knew was going to be the hardest conversation he had ever had, and waited until Sam came inside.

“Hey, love. How are you feeling today? Headache again?” Sam asked at Blaine’s unusual silence, but he went to him and kissed his cheek like he usually did. It was then when he noticed Blaine’s serious stance and his silence –and wait, weren’t his eyes a little red?– that he realized something was wrong. “Blaine?”

“We need to talk” Blaine suddenly blurted out, not really knowing how to start or how make it easier on either of them.

“Sure” Sam was about to joke about how serious that sounded, but the atmosphere was so heavy that he suddenly felt too scared to joke. “What’s wrong?”

“Can you sit down, please?” Blaine begged, hoping his voice wouldn’t sound as shaky as it felt.

“You’re kind of scaring me” Sam honestly answered even if he rushed to comply and sat on the sofa next to him.

“I’m really sorry about what I’m going to say, Sam, but…” Blaine started, his heart feeling so heavy he felt a physical pain in his chest for what he was about to do. “I’ve been thinking about it and… I think we should… call it quits”

“What? Call what quits?” Sam asked, confused and terrified about the possible implications of Blaine’s words.

“Us” Blaine answered, almost in a whisper, and his gaze turned to the floor so he wouldn’t have to see in Sam’s eyes the pain he was causing.

“But Blaine, what… what happened?” there was so much confusion and pain in Sam’s voice that Blaine didn’t even need to look to see he was breaking his heart in a way that probably no one had done before.

“Nothing, I just… I realized this is not what I want” Blaine lied, fighting hard against the tears threatening to spills from his eyes.

“Since when?”

“I thought it was going to work, but it’s not, and…”

“What exactly is not working, Blaine?” Sam interrupted him, as for the hell of him he couldn’t think of even one thing that hadn’t been perfect since they got together. “I thought everything was as good to you as it is for me”

“Well, I… maybe my feelings are not as strong as I thought” Blaine lied again, even if it was getting harder with each passing moment.

“What? I can’t believe it, Blaine, just this morning we were happy” Sam insisted, trying to understand something that didn’t make any sense to him. After all, he had spent all day just daydreaming and thinking about his perfect boyfriend waiting for him at home to have dinner together. Where was that beautiful picture now?

“I’m sorry” Blaine apologized, hoping there was any way to make it easier on Sam.

“Where is this coming from? Not even two weeks ago we were talking about marriage”

“We were only joking”

“And you giving me the key to your apartment was also a joke?” Sam sarcastically retorted, but Blaine ignored his attitude because he knew Sam had all the right to be angry.

“I… I guess I rushed too much into everything” Blaine answered, knowing he was running out of excuses.

“Rushed? Blaine, we’ve been wanting these for years! It’s taken us forever to get here!” Sam insisted, practically yelling by then, but Blaine again remained calm for his sake.

“Ok, then maybe it isn’t what I thought it would be. Maybe I read too much into what I was feeling, maybe it was only desire”

“You said you loved me” Sam reproached him.

“I shouldn’t have… it was the heat of the moment” Blaine answered, sadly shaking his head.

“Blaine, I know you” Sam changed his tone to a kinder one, picking up Blaine’s hand in his, marveling, not for the first time, at how well they fit together. “Something happened, you would have never told me you loved me if it wasn’t true”

“I was trying too hard for it to work, I guess” Blaine answered, but the way his eyes were starting to fill with tears just encouraged Sam more that there was still hope.

“Ok, let’s talk about it” Sam suggested, trying to find some middle ground from which to work on.

“There is nothing more to say, Sam”

“No, of course there is a lot to talk about! You feel we’re going too fast? Ok, let’s slow it down, let’s try…”

“No, I don’t want to try… I don’t want to go on with this” Blaine lied once again, this time being unable to stop the first tear from rolling down his cheek.

“But Blaine, I love you so much…” Sam insisted, his own voice getting shaky with desperation as he tenderly caressed Blaine’s cheek with the back of his free hand. “And I know you love me too, I can tell”

“I don’t”

“Please, Blaine, give us a chance, I know we can work it out, whatever it is…”

“Don’t make this harder on me, Sam, please” Blaine interrupted him, knowing he would finally cave in if Sam kept insisting and refuting every one of his excuses, but finally he wasn’t able to help it anymore and broke down in sobs.

“If you don’t love me why are you so upset?” Sam asked, his heart breaking at seeing the person he loved so broken, even if he still couldn’t understand what was happening.

“Because I didn’t want to hurt you” Blaine lied, finally extricating his hand from Sam’s grip to cover his face with it.

“You really mean it” Sam finally whispered, as if finally a revelation had been made to him.

“Yes” Blaine agreed even if his heart was hurting at the fact that Sam finally believed he didn’t love him.

“So that’s it? We’re over” Sam said, more affirming than questioning anymore.

“Yes” Blaine said, trying to rest a comforting hand on Sam’s thigh, but the latter unexpectedly refused the contact. “You can stay here for the night, but…”

“I can’t stay here” Sam retorted, his voice full of venom as he stood up in a jump and practically ran towards the front door.

“Sam, please” Blaine begged behind him, also standing up to try and stop his former boyfriend, but Sam didn’t even turn around before he left his key to Blaine’s apartment on the tray next to the door and left the apartment.

Blaine let himself fall on his knees and didn’t even try to stop the sobs ripping through his chest, hating himself for what he had just done, even if he knew he didn’t have any other option. But he hadn’t just lost his boyfriend and potentially the love of his life: he had also lost his best friend, the person who had always, always, been there for him for years. And he wasn’t sure he could stand it. Especially in that moment when he needed him so much.

Sam let his back fall at the other side of the door, also trying to stop the tears and to make some sense of what had just happened. That morning he had felt as the most fortunate man in the whole world just because Blaine loved him and now… he had lost him. In every possible sense of the word.

When his head rested on the door behind him, he noticed he could hear Blaine desperately sobbing inside, and his heart broke once again at the thought that the person he loved was suffering like that. It didn’t make sense… Why was he so upset if that’s what he wanted? He knew Blaine had the biggest of hearts, but could he really be like that only because he knew he had hurt Sam? It didn’t make sense.

Sam was close to ringing on the doorbell on his right, because he couldn’t stand hearing Blaine suffering like that and he needed to embrace him, to make sure he would be okay. So close… but then he stopped himself: Blaine had asked him not to make it harder for him. And… he had told him he didn’t love him, so… Sam doubted he could help in any way. Or even if he had the right.

So with the heaviest hard he could remember, Sam dried the tears from his cheeks and started walking towards that apartment he hadn’t stepped on for weeks. And he had never wanted to go some place less than he did at that moment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, please, don't hate me yet! This was not supposed to end here, but it was getting too long and I had to divide the chapter in two. But the other one won't take long, it's more than half written, so don't worry. You know me, you know I'll fix it ;)
> 
> By the way, having them breaking up is probably the hardest thing I've ever had to write... :


	3. July (II)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, as promised, I was as quick as I could!

Sam washed his face with cold water for the hundredth time that day, trying to get his eyes to stop hurting. After Blaine left him, he had spent practically all night crying, unable to understand or to accept that his perfectly happy and dreamy life of the last months had been a mirage. And the second night had been just as hard, unable to sleep, as he lied in his bed just puzzling about what he had done wrong or what he could have done differently for their relationship to work. But dawn arrived before he was able to find an answer –how could he find a mistake in something that had been so perfect anyway?– or even have the smallest shut-eye, and he had gotten up hoping to at least get distracted from his thoughts if only for a little while, and he hadn’t stopped doing silly things around the apartment since then. If only his dry eyes would stop hurting so much…

But forgetting was no easy task when everything reminded him of Blaine: that stupid picture of them trying to kiss while on top of some horses in a carousel; that beautiful case for his guitar that Blaine had given him for their one-month anniversary; that ridiculous bowtie Sam had stolen from him to have it on his nightstand so he could kiss it goodnight if Blaine wasn’t near. Even his wardrobe made him remember, as he realized it was half-empty: he had been practically living in Blaine’s apartment for days, even weeks, and he had been leaving there more and more of his things without him even realizing it. He would have to go and retrieve them someday. But gosh, he didn’t feel ready to face it yet. Maybe he could send Mike or Puck for him, he was sure they wouldn’t mind once they knew what had happened.

Sam grabbed one of the few t-shirts still left in his wardrobe and threw it over himself when he realized he was going to be late for work. He was exhausted, and spending eight hours in the restaurant was the last thing he keep himself busy. And maybe if he wore himself out enough he would be able to sleep that night, because damn it, he surely needed that.

The sound of the doorbell made him jump from his skin. Who could it be? He wasn’t expecting any visit, and all his friends knew he usually left at that hour. His heart accelerated when he thought for a second that… could maybe Blaine had reconsidered… What if he was coming to apologize? Maybe they still had a chance?

Sam rushed to the door and didn’t even bother to look through the peephole before he widely opened the door in one go. But all his hopes were shattered when he discovered it wasn’t Blaine standing there, but his big brother Cooper. Which could only mean that Blaine didn’t even want to see him.

“Cooper, what are you doing here?” Sam asked, practically in shock, which kept him from properly greeting the older man. “I thought you were in Los Angeles”

“Blaine called me” Cooper answered in a calm voice, but he sounded so serious, so sad, that he didn’t even look like himself. “He told me everything”

“I guess you’re coming to pick up his things, right?” Sam said as he moved aside to let his former brother-in-law enter his apartment, even if having him there was the last thing he wanted. “I haven’t packed anything yet, but since we used to spend most of the time in his apartment there aren’t a lot of things, if you just give me a few minutes…”

“I didn’t come for that, Sam” Cooper answered, even taking the liberty to close the door behind him, showing Sam he didn’t have any intention to leave anytime soon.

“Then what are you doing here?” Sam asked, trying not to sound too harsh because Cooper wasn’t at fault for his brother’s actions.

“I came to talk to you. About Blaine” Cooper answered in a strained voice, surprising Sam about how upset he seemed to be about their failed relationship.

“No offense, Cooper, but I don’t see what you would have to say about it and I think he already said everything he had to say”

“No, Sam, listen to me. Blaine…”

“Blaine broke up with me out of the blue just when I thought everything was beyond perfect and he was going to be the love of my life” Sam interrupted him, because he was too angry and hurt to want to listen to any excuses. “Forgive me if I don’t feel like talking about it”

“Sam, I understand how you feel but… you’ve got to give him another chance. At least let me explain” Cooper begged, and gosh, he looked so devastated that Sam felt incapable of throwing him out of his place.

“Did he send you?”

“Of course not, he would kill me if he knew I was here. He’s at school right now”

“It doesn’t matter anyway, he doesn’t want another chance, he left it very clear that he didn’t want anything to do with me anymore”

“And you didn’t even wonder why?” Cooper asked, getting Sam’s attention with his insistence –as if he knew something that Sam didn’t. “Why he gave you a key only a few days ago and now he’s sending you away?”

“He said he had made a mistake and that his feelings for me were not as strong as he thought” Sam explained, even if he hadn’t been able to believe it himself yet.

“Then either he is a better actor than I gave him credit for or you don’t know him at all” Cooper retorted, and he seemed almost… reproachful?

“Why do you say that?” Sam asked, more than a little indignant that he was being questioned instead of pitied.

“He’s been in love with you for years” Cooper answered, and the annoyed tone of his voice told Sam that Cooper thought that should have been obvious.

“I thought so” Sam lamented, not daring to believe Cooper might be right.

“Because it’s the truth. Do you know what he told me the day after you two got together? He called me and he couldn’t stop laughing and talking a mile a minute. He was… ecstatic, like I’ve never seen him before. He said he couldn’t believe it was finally happening after wishing it for so long, that it was too wonderful to be true and that it seemed impossible that someone like you could have feelings for him. Does that sound as a person who is not in love?” Cooper sarcastically asked him, unconsciously raising his voice to make more of an impression.

“Where are you getting at, Coop? Why are you implying that Blaine lied to me the other night, why would he do that?” Sam asked, begging for Cooper to tell him what he needed to hear so desperately: that Blaine still loved him.

“I don’t know if I have the right to tell you this, and he will probably hate me and maybe I’m risking losing him too but… you have the right to know” Cooper answered, again lowering his tone and turning back to that devastated version of himself to which Sam had opened the door. “And he needs you”

“He needs me?” Sam repeated, half confused, half worried.

“He’s going to need us so badly…” Cooper continued, his voice shaking slightly.

“Why?” Sam insisted, more than a little alarmed by then that something could be seriously wrong with the person he loved.

“You gotta forgive him… He didn’t mean any of the things he said, he was just trying to protect you” Cooper went on.

“Protect me from what?” Sam asked, feeling like he couldn’t get enough air, so scared he was. “What’s happening, Cooper? Is Blaine okay?”

“Sit down, Sam” Cooper gently ordered him as he tried to push him towards the sofa but Sam was terrified but then and practically slapped Cooper’s hands away from him and didn’t move from his place.

“Fuck you, Cooper, just say it already” Sam protested, for once not caring about manners because he needed to know what was wrong with Blaine and he needed it now.

“Blaine is… ill” Cooper answered with only a thread of voice, as if he was afraid that saying it aloud would make it come true.

“Ill?” Sam repeated, his heart pounding in his chest. “What’s wrong with him? Is it serious?”

“Yes” Cooper admitted as he furiously dried with his hand a stray tear in his cheek he had been unable to stop. “It’s… very serious. He’s got a… medulloblastoma, or something like that, I was too shocked to remember correctly”

“What is that?” Sam asked in a whisper while his hands started to shake without him being able to do anything about it.

“He’s got a brain tumor, Sam” Cooper answered with a sob as more tears fell down his cheeks.

Sam felt as if his whole world was crumbling. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, he couldn’t even hear because he could see Cooper moving his lips but he couldn’t understand a word he was saying. The shaking of his hands transferred to his entire body, and this time he let Cooper touch him and push him towards the sofa, because he didn’t think he could keep standing before his knees gave up on him. Had he heard correctly? Were they talking about… cancer? It was not possible, those kind of things always happened to other people. Not to Blaine. Not to the boy he loved with all his heart.

“But… it can’t be” he finally spoke, and by the slight jump Cooper gave at his sudden words he guessed he had been silent and in shock for quite a few minutes. “He’s always been so healthy”

“I know” Cooper nodded in agreement, not even trying to argue how it could have happen to anyone because he knew he needed to give Sam some time to come to terms with the terrible news he had just received.

“And is he going to…?”

“He’s going to have to fight a lot” Cooper answered before Sam could finish a question he didn’t want to hear.

“No, it can’t be” Sam insisted, still in denial. “He was ok the other night, he only had a headache”

“No, he’s had other symptoms for weeks, but apparently he was very good at hiding them so we wouldn’t worry”

“Like what?”

“Constant headaches, nausea, sudden memory losses, disorientation… He even got severely dizzy sometimes. That’s why he decided to have it checked in the end”

“How I could not see it?” Sam asked in a devastated voice.

“Because he made sure you wouldn’t see it” Cooper immediately tried to comfort him, as it was obvious how much that boy still loved his brother. “He wanted to know what was happening before worrying you about it, you know how he is”

“I was his partner, I should have seen it”

“Sam…”

“Maybe if I had seen it…” Sam insisted, but he couldn’t finish the sentence before he finally broke down, heartbreaking sobs ripping through his body without him even trying to stop them at the thought he had failed the person he loved the most in the world.

“This is not your fault, Sam” Cooper reassured him as he put his arms around the younger boy in a embrace meant to share their pain, as they were the two people who loved Blaine the most in the world. “Nothing is, there was nothing you could do. Or even Blaine, by the time he had the symptoms he was already ill. I know it’s hard to accept that Blaine is so sick, but there is so much we can do for him from now on. I know it’s incredibly selfish of me to ask you to give him another chance, but he’s my little brother, Sam, and he needs you” Cooper’s voice broke, letting Sam see how devastated he was too. “If… if you think you can handle it”

“Is that why he broke up with me? Because he thought I couldn’t handle it?” Sam asked as he broke the embrace, almost angry that Blaine would have so little faith in him.

“No” Cooper answered with a sad smile. “He never doubted you. He broke up with you because he wanted to spare you from it. He loves you so much…”

Cooper’s words finally made Sam understand everything that had happened two days ago: why Blaine suddenly claimed not to have feelings for him and, above all, why he seemed so upset after breaking up with him. He must have suffered so much, first with the news, then having to lose Sam after being so happy for just a few weeks… But he didn’t have to lose Sam, he had made that decision himself, and it was wrong for him to decide on Sam’s behalf. Sam had the right to decide for himself.

“Well, he can’t decide for me. Fucking selfish bastard, it’s my decision, not his” Sam murmured, almost to himself, as he abruptly stood up to get into action.

“What are you doing?” Cooper asked, looking confusedly at him.

“You have a key to his apartment too, right? Will you lend it to me?”

***********

Blaine felt exhausted while making his way back home after a full day of classes at NYADA and half a shift in the music shop. He still hadn’t told anyone about his illness in any of those places, but he wanted to wait until his visit with the doctor the next day to know how everything was going to be from then on before making any plans. Just thinking about it made his insides churn with fear and anxiety, because starting the next day, he knew his life was going to change drastically.

He heard noises in the kitchen before he even got to open the door to his apartment, and he was incredibly grateful that his brother had come all the way from Los Angeles to be with him, because he didn’t think he could make it on his own –even the doctor had begged him to include someone else–. And now that he didn’t have Sam… he didn’t want to even think about it or he would break down and he had done that enough for the past two days.

The surprise in his face when he opened the door would have been comical if the situation wasn’t so serious. But standing in front of him, moving around the kitchen as if he owned it, apparently making some dinner, was Sam instead of Cooper. And Blaine wondered for a second if he was having a spell of confusion or he was imagining things thanks to the tumor in his brain. But no, Sam was there alright. And he didn’t look too happy.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine asked when he was able to find his voice, because Sam didn’t seem to have any intention of breaking the ice. “Shouldn’t you be at work? And how did you get in?”

“I asked for a day off and Cooper gave me his key” Sam answered in what could be considered a cold voice, not even turning around from the stove to look at him.

“Cooper?” Blaine asked as he dramatically paled, fearing his brother had spilled his secret.

“I’m moving in” Sam explained, finally stopping what he was doing to look at Blaine, pointing with his head at a couple of boxes lying on the floor Blaine hadn’t seen until then. “I will take the guest room, or even the couch, if you don’t want me in your room, but I’m moving in and nothing you say it’s going to make me change my mind, so save it”

“What?” Blaine asked in astonishment. “No, Sam, I told you…”

“You told me a bunch of fucking lies” Sam interrupted him, making it clear how angry he still was even if he was keeping calm. “You can’t even begin to imagine how angry and disappointed I am at you, so please don’t make it worse”

“Then what are you doing here?”

“The fact that I’m angry doesn’t mean I have stopped loving you, and I know you love me too, so…”

“I told you I don’t love you, Sam” Blaine insisted, hoping against hope Cooper hadn’t sold him out and he could keep his pretence, even if Sam was making it so difficult for him.

“Fuck you, Blaine” Sam retorted. “You’ve fooled me once, but it’s not going to happen again”

“You… know, right?” Blaine hesitantly asked.

“I can’t believe I had to found out by Cooper” Sam answered, shaking his head in a judgmental way even if the only thing he felt like doing was to squeeze Blaine in his arms forever, but he needed to make a point first. “It should have been you telling me something like that instead of trying to erase me from your life”

“I… it was easier that way” Blaine tried to justify himself, his voice no more than a whisper. “And Cooper didn’t have any right to tell you”

“Cooper knows what you need much more than you do, apparently”

“This is not about me”

“I know” Sam answered, finally acknowledging he understood what Blaine had done. “I know why you tried to keep me away from this. I know you were only trying to protect me”

“You don’t have to go through this”

“Yes, I do”

“Stop acting as if I was your responsibility!” Blaine exclaimed, now him being the one to raise his voice in frustration. “We’re not family, we’re not married… We’ve been dating for less than three months, for God’s sake! You don’t owe me anything!”

“You think I want to be at your side out of duty?” Sam asked, sounding indignant that Blaine could even think that. “For God’s sake, Blaine, I want to be with you because I love you!”

“I know we promised a lot of things that night, Sam, but it was a joke, it was just the heat of the moment” Blaine tried to convince him, but he should have known Sam was going to be much more stubborn than that now that he knew the truth.

“It wasn’t for me, I meant every word I said and every promise I made” Sam answered, trying to soften Blaine’s kind heart though rough honesty. “And I know you did too”

“What the hell did I know then?” Blaine answered with a sarcastic laugh even if his eyes were already filling with tears he couldn’t control, and it was then that Sam really understood that he was only doing it for him and that he still loved him with all his heart. “I’m not the same person I was a few days ago. Everything is different now, and I’m giving you a way out of it”

“You think I only want you in the good times?” Sam tried to make him see. “Only if you’re alright? That’s the opinion you have of my feelings for you?”

“No” Blaine answered with a sob, because knowing that it was going to be impossible to send Sam away now that he knew everything was what hurt him the most. “I know you, Sam, and I know you love me. That’s why I don’t want you to go through this. It’s not going to be nice and I don’t want you to see it. You have a choice”

“I don’t” Sam kindly answered, Blaine’s tears affecting him as they usually did, and he dared to pick Blaine’s hand in his in a comforting gesture, hoping he wouldn’t reject the contact. “If you really know I love you, if you know how much I love you, you’ll understand I have no choice but to stay”

“Sam…” Blaine tried to protest again, but this time Sam didn’t even let him.

“You trying to keep me away from this isn’t going to protect me, you know? That ship sailed when I fell in love with you. You think I can forget about you and get on with my life while I know what you’re going through? Let me at least be there for you. Keeping me away and not knowing how you’re doing would only hurt me further”

“I can’t let you do that”

“What if it was the other way around? What if I was the one who was ill, would you turn your back on me?” Sam said, deciding to change tactics.

“I don’t know” Blaine lied.

“The fuck you don’t know, Blaine, come on!” Sam exclaimed with a humorless laugh. “There would be no way to send you away from me if you knew I needed you, and it’s going to be the same with me”

“Why do we have to imagine hypothetic situations that are not going to happen? It doesn’t matter what I would do, damn it, I’m the one who’s ill and I don’t want you here!” Blaine angrily retorted, even extricating his hand from Sam’s grip, hoping not to let himself be convinced.

“You know what? It’s not even your decision” Sam surprised the other boy with his answer because he was not even asking, just informing him.

“Of course it is, this is my apartment and I want you to…” Blaine tried to protest, but Sam stopped him once again.

“You can throw me out of your place again and I will be back. You can change the locks and I’ll climb through a window, I don’t care. You’re not getting rid of me”

“Fuck you, Sam” Blaine said as he couldn’t stop himself anymore and finally broke into full sobs. “Fuck you, you idiot”

His heart breaking at Blaine’s desolation, although silently glad that he seemed to be breaking his defenses, Sam finally dared to approach him and this time he put his arms around Blaine’s shaking form, pressing him strongly to his chest and kissing the top of his head, hoping that would be enough for Blaine to see how strong his feelings and his decision was.

“This is not fair for you” Blaine spoke after a couple of minutes, his voice muffled against the skin on Sam’s neck.

“No” Sam agreed as he started rocking their bodies together as if they were one, marveling at how well they still fitted together. “And neither it is for you, but it’s the cards we’ve gotten. Let’s play the game together, alright?”

“But it’s going to be so hard, Sam” Blaine said, even breaking the embrace to look at his lover’s face. “I can’t do this to you”

“I’m strong, Blaine” Sam answered while his thumbs moved to remove Blaine’s tears from his cheeks, because there was nothing he hated more than to see Blaine crying. “Stronger than you think. I can deal with it, I promise. And I’m going to stay at your side until you’re completely recovered”

“And what if…?” Blaine tried to ask, wanting to be sure Sam understood all the possible scenarios if he decided to remain by his side.

“You’re going to be alright” Sam interrupted him, guessing what Blaine was trying to ask.

“No, Sam, stop” Blaine seriously pleaded, taking Sam’s hands in his to make sure he got his entire attention. “I know you want to believe that everything is going to be alright and you want to be positive and all that, but this is not a fairytale”

“I know” Sam agreed, knowing he had given Blaine the wrong impression with his words.

“Then we have to be realistic. You don’t know if I’m going to be alright”

“But we can have hope, can’t we?”

“What if I don’t make it and you have to see me die?” Blaine asked, being purposefully rough to make sure Sam was ready for everything.

Sam remained silent for a couple of seconds, gulping at the possibility that he could lose Blaine in spite of how hard he knew he was going to fight. But it didn’t matter, it changed nothing: if Blaine was to die, Sam was willing to make the most of any time they got together.

“Then I’ll be comforted by the fact I was there for you until the end” Sam honestly answered, his voice shaking so slightly.

“Sam, are you sure?” Blaine asked, needing to make sure that Sam was going to be capable of standing it if he didn’t make it. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you, I can’t load you with such a burden”

“This is not about me, Blaine” Sam answered with a sad sigh as his fingers moved to remove one stray curl from Blaine’s forehead. “You need me and I… I can’t even think about leaving you, much less when you need me like this” Sam continued, knowing he was getting somewhere by the surrender he could see in Blaine’s eyes. “Let me take care of you, Blaine. Please”

“Sam…”

“I love you, Blaine. And I need you too”

Blaine stood there for a whole minute, just looking at Sam’s eyes and trying to read some hesitation in them. But there wasn’t. In its place there was fear, compassion, uneasiness. But above all, there was love. And Blaine finally understood that Sam was right: they needed each other and, whatever happened, they needed to be together. For the sake of both of them.

“I love you too, Sammy” Blaine answered before embracing Sam as strongly as he could and burying his face in Sam’s neck, finally feeling safe and protected for the first time in two days because he knew that’s where he belonged.

“Oh, I already knew that, do you think you fooled me for a second?” Sam dared to joke as he reciprocated Blaine’s embrace with all his forces, and only when Blaine chuckled at his poor attempt of humor, Sam knew nothing was going to come between them again. They would worry about anything else in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so here's where it all really begings...


	4. July (III)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is long! I hurried a bit to finish it, because I wanted to post it today, since tomorrow I'm leaving on vacation for a few days, so I hope it's not too bad. I'll see you all when I get back!! Enjoy the chapter!!

Blaine woke up with a start when the arm curled around his body strengthened its grip. He hadn’t even realized he had fallen asleep, but he guessed it had happened somewhere around dawn. Even if he felt guilty for enjoying it, he cuddled up even more closely to Sam’s chest and sighed in contentment. God, he had missed him for the previous two days… Even in his sleep, the tight embrace in which Sam was keeping him was so strong and powerful that it almost made Blaine feel invincible in his arms. He knew that wasn’t true, though. And that not even Sam’s loving and firm arms were going to keep him safe this time.

After Blaine gave up on his intentions of pushing Sam away from his life and had accepted that the blond was going to be more stubborn than him, and after they had embraced for what felt like hours, they had eaten the dinner Sam had been cooking –although both of them had to make a big effort to eat, considering how in knots their stomachs were– and then had retreated to Blaine’s room –or their room from then on, considering Sam had already decided to move in–. They had to talk about a lot of things, after all, and reacquaintance with each other after two days of broken hearts. And talking they did, for hours and hours. It had started awkwardly at first, with each one sitting in one end of the bed, hardly able to look at each other –Blaine because of how guilty he felt that he seemed to have done everything the wrong way, and Sam in fear of breaking down in tears every time he looked at his lover’s face and remembered what he was going through–. But they had been getting closer and closer with each passing minute and when the time came for Blaine to explain everything about his illness to his very worried boyfriend, they had both finally broken down and embraced to cry together at the unfairness of the world. And they hadn’t separated again since then.

Even if he still wasn’t sure that letting Sam in was the best decision, Blaine had apologized a thousand times to Sam for not being honest and making such a decision for him. And Sam had assured him he forgave him one time after the other, until he was forced to mockingly threaten him with dumping him if he didn’t stop it. And then he had promised he was going to be with him in every step of the way, and that they were going to make it together. And even if Blaine didn’t feel so optimistic, it still felt good and safe to know he was not alone on that, that he had the best man in the face of the Earth at his side, so he nodded and smiled when Sam kissed the top of his head with all the tenderness in the world.

And suddenly it was as if they had never been apart. The conversation slowly started drifting towards lighter topics, and before they knew it they were tentatively joking and lightly laughing. Sam even made himself more comfortable and lay down, bringing Blaine with him and gently pulling of him until he was lying on his chest so he could completely envelop him with his arms, as he had always loved to do. And Blaine had planted an adoring kiss on his chest, curled his arm around Sam’s waist and hidden his face in the crook of the blond’s neck, as he always did. And that’s how they had finally fallen asleep not more than two hours ago. And how they had remained until then.

Blaine knew there was no way he was going to fall asleep again, after all the emotional carousel from the day before and the anxiety about the appointment with his doctor for that day, but he didn’t want to disturb Sam so very carefully he extricated himself from his embrace and sat up on the bed. One look at Sam’s beautiful face was enough to break Blaine’s heart all over again, as it was not difficult to identify the dry paths in his cheeks that the tears dropped during the night had left. And for a second, Blaine again reconsidered his decision of letting Sam be a part of something that it was obviously hurting him so much. But he knew it was Sam’s decision to make and that he was not going to back down. And frankly, after having a taste again of what being loved by that wonderful man meant, Blaine didn’t think he could separate from him again. So he tenderly ran his thumbs across Sam’s cheeks to get rid of those offending marks and placed a kiss on his forehead before leaving the room, closing the door behind him so as not to disturb his sleep.

Blaine was not surprised to hear some noise in the kitchen. After all, they had heard Cooper making his way back to the apartment some time during the night –as he had probably been out just to give them time and space to fix whatever they needed to fix–, but he had immediately gone to the guest room, and Blaine and Sam had been unable to move from their embrace anyway, so they hadn’t had the chance to talk yet after what Cooper had done. It was probably time now to confront him, Blaine thought as he tiredly dragged his feet across the suddenly crowded apartment.

“Morning” Blaine said in a murmur as he entered the kitchen.

“Morning” Cooper answered in what he hoped sounded like a cheerful mood, because he could sense the tense atmosphere in the room.

Blaine moved to the coffee maker, glad to see Cooper had already prepared a full charge, and filled a cup for himself. After all the emotions of the previous days, his stomach was still in knots and he didn’t feel like having anything solid, but at least some coffee would probably help him wake up a little.

Silence fell upon them as Blaine took a seat in front of his brother and started sipping on his coffee, letting the warmth and the caffeine spread along his body and start making him feel human again. He felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally, and starting a conversation with his brother seemed too big of an effort. Especially considering he still didn’t know how he felt towards him at the moment and about the fact he had betrayed his trust when taking the decision to tell Sam about his illness against his wishes. But it was too early and he was too tired to reach a conclusion, so he just remained quiet and focused on his coffee.

“So I’m guessing Sam is still here” Cooper talked after only a few seconds. Blaine should have known, his brother had never been one to stand the silence –especially if he perceived it as uncomfortable, as theirs was at the moment.

“Yes, he’s sleeping in my room. In _our_ room, I guess” he answered, even if forming sentences seemed like such a hard task at the moment. But he didn’t have it in him to just plainly ignore his brother, so he continued. “We were talking until the early hours, so I thought I’d let him sleep a bit longer”

“It was a hard blow for him” Cooper commented, and he could immediately see it was the wrong thing to say when Blaine’s eyes turned accusingly at him.

“You don’t say” Blaine sarcastically replied, humorlessly laughing at his brother’s nerve, when he had clearly been the one to provoke that situation.

The tense atmosphere elicited silence again, something very uncommon between the two brothers, who would always have thousands of things to explain to each other after living in different sides of the country. Cooper debated with himself if he should just do the same that his brother and remain quiet, or even play the victim card and leave the table in a dramatic way, because he didn’t think he had done anything wrong. But being at odds with his brother was killing him, especially when he remembered Blaine was not in a good place and it was quite understandable that he could be more sensitive and unreasonable than usual. So maybe for once he could make the effort to break the ice so they could fix it, even if he was not willing to take the blame

“If you are waiting for me to apologize…” he said, hoping that would at least make his brother react.

“I’m not” Blaine answered in a neutral tone that didn’t let Cooper guess if he wasn’t expecting it because he didn’t think he should, or because he thought Cooper was too proud for it.

“Because I didn’t do anything wrong” Cooper continued, wanting to make his position clear.

“You had no right” Blaine retorted in the same unemotional tone that was upsetting Cooper more than if he suddenly started yelling at him.

“Blaine, I…” Cooper tried to explain, forgetting about his pride for once, but he couldn’t find the words to justify himself. After all, he didn’t regret what he had done and he would do it again, but he could totally understand his brother’s anger.

“I want to thank you and strangle you at the same time, you know?” Blaine confessed with a hint of warmth in his voice that made Cooper hope not everything was lost yet.

“Yeah, I usually have that effect on people” Cooper joked, as he usually did as a mechanism defense when things got too intense. But no, this was a serious matter –probably the most serious one they had ever had to face– and there was no time for joking. “I don’t want to say sorry because I would do it again, but… I’m not proud of betraying your trust”

“You should have respected my decision, Coop”

“Maybe… But come on, Blaine, you really thought you could do this without him? It’s going to be hard enough, the last thing you need is a broken heart on top of everything”

“I know” Blaine admitted, because the pain he had experienced during those two days he had spent without Sam had been next to unbearable. “But I just wanted…”

“To protect him, I know” Cooper finished for him because, damn it, he could understand his brother even if he didn’t agree with him. “And maybe I didn’t have the right, but… you need him. If you’re not going to be a bit selfish and think about yourself for once in a moment like this… then I don’t know when you’re going to do it”

“Still…”

“And Sam needs you too, anyway” Cooper interrupted him, not wanting him to look for any more arguments.

“That’s what he said” Blaine agreed with a sigh, remembering the conversation from the day before.

“Because it’s the truth. You’re not only your tumor, you know? Sam doesn’t suddenly see you as that. You’re still Blaine, the boy he fell in love with. And he still wants to be with you no matter what. Your illness is only a part of your relationship, not the whole of it. He doesn’t just wants to help you. He wants _you_ ”

Cooper’s words and the intensity in his eyes when they met Blaine’s, made the younger man finally understand: Sam not only wanted to take care of him out of pity; he just wanted to be with him, as he had for the last three months. Because he loved him with all his heart and he wanted for them to be together, whatever the circumstances. And the fact that Blaine was now ill didn’t change a thing.

“That boy really loves you” Cooper’s voice took him out of his reverie.

“I know” Blaine admitted, his heart swelling with love and breaking at the same time at his brother’s words.

“You know what he said yesterday? That he thought you were going to be the love of his life”

“I used to think that too. But now…”

“Now what?” Cooper encouraged him to continue when Blaine hesitated, feeling like his brother really needed to let it all out.

“Now everything’s changed” Blaine lamented while sadly shaking his head. “Nothing is the same as it was a week ago. I’m not the same person I was”

“Have you stopped loving him?” Cooper pointedly asked him.

“No” Blaine answered without the slightest hesitation. “That much hasn’t changed”

“Then that’s all you need to make it work” Cooper answered, smiling for the first time when he covered Blaine’s hand with his and the latter didn’t refuse the contact. “And you know Sam will agree with me”

“I know he will agree, that’s why I didn’t want him to know” Blaine answered, with a fond smile towards his stubborn boyfriend. “Gosh, Coop, I love him so much…”

“It’s so fucking unfair…” Cooper continued, his voice breaking in the end in a way Blaine wasn’t used at all, because Cooper had never been the one to show his emotions so freely.

“Coop…” Blaine said in a reassuring way, now him being the one to put his free hand on top of his brother’s, feeling bad to see him in such pain, even if he knew it was not really his fault.

“It’s just… why did it have to happen precisely now? When you were finally happy with the man of your dreams, as you deserved?”

“Yeah…”

“I still can’t believe this is happening” Cooper confessed with a sob he couldn’t contain anymore as his eyes filled with tears of anguish, unable to keep staying strong for his brother as much as he tried.

“Oh, Coop” Blaine said as he hurried to put his arms around his brother in a comforting way. He hadn’t forgotten for one second he was not the only one suffering, and seeing his strong brother break down like that was only another proof of how much pain they were going to endure on the following months.

Cooper reciprocated the embrace and let himself get lost in it for a couple of minutes. He knew he needed to be strong for Blaine, but he couldn’t help it: his brother was the most important person in his life by far. Due to their age difference sometimes he felt him more like a son than as a brother –especially now that they didn’t have their parents anymore–, and he couldn’t stand to even think about what he was going to go through. He would gladly take his place if he could, and he didn’t even want to think about the possibility that Blaine’s fight wouldn’t be enough.

“I love you so much, little brother” Cooper said in a broken voice, muffled by the skin of Blaine’s neck.

“I love you too, Coop” Blaine answered in a serene voice as he held him, gently rubbing his back in a comforting way, and Cooper just admired him all the more for his courage and his compassion.

They remained in each other’s arms far long after Cooper’s sobs started diminishing, both comfortable and comforted by the fact that they were not alone in their fight. And it was like that that Sam found them when he finally made his way out of the bedroom, having woken up due to the absence of Blaine’s body glued to his.

Seeing the brothers like that was like a punch in the guts for him as it roughly made him fall back to reality after a couple of hours of blissful sleep in which he had been allowed to forget and just enjoy Blaine’s warmth against his skin, as if nothing had changed and his world hadn’t crumbled. He could see the intensity of their embrace; he could even see the tears in Cooper’s eyes and the way Blaine seemed to be comforting him and Sam’s heart went to him. He had been so absorbed in Blaine and in his own pain that he had failed to see Cooper would also be devastated, considering how much he adored his little brother. And it seemed as if the older man had held on for too long for them and hadn’t been able to resist it any longer. And just that thought almost brought tears to Sam’s eyes too, but he refused to let them fall in his brother-in-law’s behalf.

“Morning” Sam said so they would be aware of his presence, even pretending to be rubbing his tired eyes as if he was just getting out of the bedroom so they wouldn’t feel observed or uncomfortable.

“Morning” Cooper answered as he finally broke the embrace and discreetly dried the remains of tears from his cheeks.

“I’m glad to see you two made peace” Sam continued as he bent down to kiss Blaine’s cheek and then proceeded to pat Cooper’s back in an understanding way. “You ok?”

“Of course we’re okay” Cooper answered, sounding too cheerful to be natural as he grabbed his coffee cup again and started sipping, just so he would have something to do.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed, Coop” Sam advised him in the most understanding tone he could muster, wanting for the older man to understand how he wasn’t going to think less of him because he showed his feelings –quite the contrary, in fact–. “We’re going to go through a lot together and… we’re a family after all, right?”

Sam’s heart melted when Blaine smiled at him at his words, his expression full of pride, and took his hand to make the blond sit next to him, on the same chair, to keep him as close as possible now that they were together again.

“You’re right” Cooper agreed with a grateful smile, deciding once again he was never going to regret having brought Sam back. “We’ll all need to lean on each other”

“Do you want some coffee?” Blaine offered to his boyfriend after discovering the big dark bags under his eyes after almost a completely sleepless night.

“Sure” Sam answered in a joking tone as he gently grabbed Blaine’s wrist and directed the cup he was holding towards his own mouth, glad to hear Blaine’s chuckle at his actions after all the drama of the day before.

Blaine knew he was a bit oblivious sometimes, but he was not an idiot and he could see what Sam was trying: to show him with every one of his actions that they were still a couple, closer and more connected than ever. It had taken them hours of talking, but Sam had managed to forgive Blaine’s actions and put all that shit behind him, as if it had never happened. And if kissing him to greet him, sitting on the same chair or sharing a cup made them feel more in sync, he would gladly do it. And enjoy it as much as he could.

“What time is the visit with your doctor?” Sam asked, sobering the mood a bit again in spite of himself.

“In an hour” Blaine answered after looking at the clock on the wall in front of him, his stomach turning into knots once again at what was about to come.

“Do you mind if I go with him, Coop?” Sam asked, feeling bad about pushing Cooper to the side now that he was back but… he couldn’t help it. He needed to be with Blaine in every step of the way.

“No, of course not” Cooper answered with an understanding smile, showing Sam how much he respected his position as Blaine’s partner. “As long as you explain everything to me later”

“We promise” Blaine answered, taking Sam’s hand in his and speaking in both their names so Sam understood that he also considered them fully a couple again too.

“Thank you” Sam told Cooper, incredibly moved and grateful for his understanding.

“It’s not a big deal. I’ll start unpacking in the meantime. ‘Cause yeah, I’m sorry about screwing your honeymoon phase with my presence and all that, but I’ll be staying here with you” he dared to joke so as to lighten the mood a bit, which he was glad to achieve when both boys laughed at his nonsense.

“It works for the best for me, actually” Sam continued in the same joking tone. “As you’ll be taking the guest room, Blaine won’t have another choice than to take me in his room”

“There is still the couch” Blaine joked, but he quickly booped Sam’s nose for forgiveness at his mockingly outraged expression. “The truth is I love having you in _our_ room, honey”

“And how sweet does that sound?” Sam answered with a tender expression before he captured Blaine’s lips in a quick but meaningful kiss. “I love you”

“I love you too” Blaine answered with a smile before letting his head fall on Sam’s shoulder in an intimate way.

“Ok, if you wanted me to go you only needed to say it” Cooper said with a feigned disgusted face at their open displays of affection, but as he got up to leave his now empty cup in the sink he had to hide a smile at how sweet those two were and how good it was for both of them to be together again.

“Really? It’s that easy?” Sam joked even as his hand unconsciously moved to Blaine’s head to get lost in his soft curls. “I’ll try to remember whenever you get too obnoxious”

“I can still throw you out of here with a kick to your butt, you know?” Cooper answered, his arms akimbo to try and look more intimidating, but he could see he was not successful when the only response he got from Sam was a hearty laugh.

“I’d rather you didn’t” Blaine intervened as he put his arms around Sam’s waist and held strongly into him, eliciting similar fond smiles in the other two men.

“Ok, but I will only be doing it for you” Cooper answered with a kiss to the top of his little brother’s head on his way to this room that made him chuckle. It was good to be surrounded by people that loved him so much.

**********

He wasn’t aware he was doing it, but Blaine was tapping the floor of the waiting room steadily with his foot, the rhythm he was keeping going faster and faster every minute. Only when Sam’s hand came to rest on his thigh to stop it and he smiled reassuringly at him, he was aware of it and made a big effort not to start again.

“Sorry” he said, looking apologetically at his boyfriend.

“You don’t have to apologize” Sam immediately absolved him, putting an arm around his shoulders to attract him to him and gently kissing his temple. “It’s understandable that you’re nervous, we’re about to know what the hell is going to happen for the next months. I’m this close to start screaming myself”

Blaine chuckled at that and nestled more comfortably to Sam’s side, hoping the contact would offer some comfort. But he hadn’t had the chance to know before the door to his doctor’s office opened and the kind man poked his head around it.

“Blaine?” he softly called him when he saw him in an embrace with another boy, presuming he was more than a little nervous and in need of understanding.

Blaine sighed deeply before disentangling from Sam’s grip, intending to follow the doctor inside the office. But Sam beat him to it and stood up in a jump –and yeah, he seemed to be almost as anxious as himself– just to offer a hand to him. Blaine smiled and took Sam’s hand, letting himself be pulled to his feet, and the way Sam’s fingers entwined with his own as they walked made him feel a little bit better.

“Sit down, please” the doctor offered, pointing at the two chairs at the other side of his desk, as he himself sat on his own chair. “How are you today, Blaine?”

“A bit worked up, to be honest” Blaine answered with a shy smile, glad that if he did have to go through all that, at least he had the luck of counting on such a nice doctor who so obviously cared about his mental state, and not just the physical one.

“Well, I can only imagine” the doctor answered with an understanding tone and a reciprocating smile. “I’m so glad you didn’t come alone this time”

“He didn’t let me” Blaine answered, looking adoringly at the boy at his side for a moment before turning to the doctor again. “This is Sam, my boyfriend”

“And future husband, hi” Sam added with faked seriousness as he offered his hand to the doctor to shake, to which Blaine rolled his eyes and the doctor chuckled.

“I never said yes” Blaine protested with a mocking judging frown.

“But you will someday, you promised” Sam answered with a shrug of his shoulders as if he didn’t have any doubt about it, which made Blaine chuckle in spite of all the tension –as well as the doctor, who was just glad to see that Blaine could count on someone who so obviously loved him so much.

“And my big brother is aware of everything too, and he even moved here from Los Angeles to be with me” Blaine explained more seriously.

“That’s good, really good” the doctor answered, happy to see this young boy, who had immediately won his heart with his warmth on his previous appointments, had such a good supporting system. “You don’t have to go through all this alone”

“They didn’t let me” Blaine enigmatically answered, once again looking at his boyfriend, and he smiled when he felt Sam squeezing his hand, still in his own bigger one.

“Well” the doctor started, the light atmosphere from a second ago quickly turning into tension again. “I guess you will want to know how everything is going to work from now on”

Both Blaine and Sam nodded solemnly at that, and the doctor took a deep breath before he started explaining how he was going to turn their lives completely upside down. Gosh, he hated that part of his job.

“Sam, you are aware of the situation more or less?” the doctor asked, wanting to include him in the whole process so Blaine wouldn’t have to go through it alone –and because frankly, the boy seemed very eager to be included.

“Yes, Blaine explained everything he knew to me” Sam answered, avoiding to add the fact that had happened just last night because he had already put that behind them.

“Well, I presented your case to the whole oncology department of the hospital to see how we can best approach it, as we usually do” the doctor explained. “I’ll be the link between the team and you, but I want you to know there are a lot of people working on this so we can give it a proper fight”

Blaine nodded again, too moved and nervous to risk talking without his voice breaking, and only Sam bringing his hand to his own lap so he could grab it between both of his kept him from crying.

“I’m afraid the tumor is bigger than we expected, and its location deeply worries us” the doctor went on, talking slowly so the patient would have time to come to terms with every word.

“What does that mean?” Sam asked, his heart in his throat at what seemed to be even worse news than he had expected.

“It means it’s going to be a bit more difficult than we initially expected. But it doesn’t mean that there is nothing we can do, alright?”

Sam visibly gulped and nodded, trying to remain calm, especially when he felt Blaine’s hand starting to shake slightly, so he just held more strongly into it.

“We can’t operate it on it right now because of its size and the way it’s pressing on your celleberum”

“But if you can’t remove it…” Sam insisted, only stopping when the doctor held his hand patiently in front of him.

“Wait” he said in a calming voice. “I didn’t say we weren’t going to operate, I said we couldn’t do it yet”

“So I guess that means chemotherapy” Blaine spoke for the first time since the doctor started talking, his voice so soft that the other two had to strain to hear it.

“Yes. We need to make the tumor smaller before we attempt to remove it or it could be really dangerous”

“Dangerous how?” Sam asked, desperately needing to know every little detail before they could decide what to do.

“The surgery would be so complicated that he could end up with a lot of different sequelae in his talking, his movement, his body functions… I think it’s worth the try to avoid all of this if we can”

“And he won’t have any of that if the tumor is smaller when they try to remove it?” Sam asked, his voice shaking with fear as much as he tried to help it.

“The risk would be so much smaller too” the doctor agreed, before turning to Blaine, who by then was so pale that he looked almost like a ghost. “What do you think, Blaine?”

“We’ll do whatever you think is best” he said, looking at Sam for confirmation that he agreed, which he obtained in the form of nodding.

“Well, I’m not going to lie to you: this is going to be hard and long” the doctor continued, wanting for his patient to be prepared. “I need you to get the idea that you’re going to lose a year of your life, at least professionally speaking. I know it sounds like a lot, but you’re so young…”

“I’m going to have to drop out of school, right?” Blaine asked, his eyes getting glassy without him being able to avoid it at the thought of giving up on something in which he had invested so much effort.

“Let’s say put them at hold for a year, ok? We’ll see after that, but if everything goes as expected, you can return to them next year” the doctor answered, trying to sound optimistic, and Blaine nodded even if he didn’t look too convinced. “And you’re going to need someone at your side when you start feeling bad” the doctor added, looking knowingly at Sam.

“That will be me” Sam hurried to make it clear, turning to his boyfriend. “I already talked to my boss to shorten my work days to a half so I can be with you most of the time, and I’ll leave the job completely if it comes to that, Cooper already said he could support us meanwhile”

“But Sam… you’re starting at Pratt in September” Blaine protested; it was bad enough that he had to leave everything, he couldn’t let Sam do the same.

“I’m not starting at Pratt this fall… I already talked to them” Sam confessed, feeling a bit guilty that he had been doing things behind Blaine’s back too, even if he knew they were the right things to do.

“What? No, Sam, you worked so hard for that” Blaine pleaded, his eyes filling quickly with tears that broke Sam’s heart, but the latter knew he could not let them affect him and he needed to be strong.

“And I will do it, just… next year” Sam promised, cupping Blaine’s cheek with his hand and drying a tear that had fallen with his thumb. “I explained the situation to them and they said they would save me a place for next year, so everything is ok”

Blaine wanted to protest, to tell Sam he was not going to let him do that for him, to convince him that he was not worth so much sacrifice, but he found he couldn’t speak. Everything was suddenly too much –his illness, the treatment, the possible sequelae, having to leave NYADA and now Sam having to forget about Pratt too– and instead of words, only a sob came out of his throat that immediately elicited for Sam to put his arms around him until he was strongly held against his chest. And Sam’s love and compassion, although so well-intended, only made him feel worse and he broke down in sobs when he couldn’t help it anymore.

“We’re not destroying our lives, ok?” Sam tried to reassure him, gently stroking the hair on the back of Blaine’s neck while holding his head to his own shoulder in a protective manner because he could practically read Blaine’s mind and he knew that him leaving Pratt was what hurt Blaine the most. “We’re only putting them on stand-by for a year. What’s a year for someone so young as we are? We still have our whole lives ahead of us, one year won’t make much of a difference, and the important thing is that we are going to be together”

“Listen to him, Blaine” the doctor added, feeling almost as an intruder in the scene but needing for Blaine to understand it had to be like that. “I know you feel guilty for Sam, but all my patients have needed someone to put their lives on hold for them. All of them. You’re not a bad person for needing help. In fact, you think that your boyfriend would do it so willingly if you were a bad person at all?”

“It’s not fair” was the only thing Blaine was able to say when he broke the embrace, but Sam’s arm remained around his shoulders, knowing he still needed all the comfort he could give him.

“No, it isn’t. In fact, it’s a fucking shit” the doctor agreed, surprising the two young men with his choice of vocabulary. “But we already knew that. So we just have to… suck it up and do it. And I think I’ve seen enough of you to know that you’re a fighter”

“He is” Sam intervened while fondly pinching Blaine’s cheek with his free hand.

“So let’s do it. Let’s fight” the doctor tried to encourage him. “Are you with me?”

Blaine still couldn’t trust himself to speak but he nodded at the doctor before breathing deeply a couple of times to calm himself down, unconsciously snuggling more closely to Sam’s side when the latter squeezed his shoulder to show him how proud he was of him.

“Ok, so here’s what we’re going to do: we’ll start with the chemo in two days, alright? So tomorrow is just for you” the doctor suggested. “Take the day off and relax, go for a swim in the lake, or go to an amusement park or have a romantic date with your boyfriend… Whatever makes you feel good and helps you forget. And then, the day after tomorrow, we’ll feel strong and ready to start the fight, ok?”

“Ok” Blaine agreed with a small and grateful smile towards the man in front of him.

“I’ll make sure he does” Sam promised before turning to his boyfriend to kiss his temple. “We’re so going to win this fight, babe”

**********

True to their word, Sam and Blaine spent the day after the doctor’s appointment in the most relaxing way they could think of: they had a romantic picnic in Central Park –they even nodded off a bit, tightly wrapped around each other, after the plentiful lunch Sam had gotten ready for them–, they went to the cinema to watch the most stupid movie they could find and they even made some shopping to indulge themselves a bit. But in the evening, they rushed home to get everything ready for the dinner they were having: Blaine knew he couldn’t keep his illness a secret for too long, so they had invited their closest friends to spend a nice evening with them… and to share the terrible news with them. Maybe it wasn’t the best way to do it, but Blaine couldn’t possibly imagine having to tell them one by one so it was the only solution he found. And of course Sam supported him a hundred per cent in his decision, as usual, and he was going to help him as much as he could.

“Hey, guys!” Puck’s cheerful tone immediately put a smile on Blaine’s face when he opened the door to his friends.

“Come on in” Blaine answered with a warm smile, moving aside to let everyone enter.

“Hey, Killer” Sebastian said as he took a moment to embrace his petite friend, but the way Blaine seemed to clung to him for a much longer while than necessary immediately alerted that something was not right. “You ok, Blaine?”

“Sure” Blaine answered, still smiling as he patted Sebastian’s back to put an end to their embrace, though this time it was easy to see that his smile was not reaching his eyes.

“You sure?” Sebastian insisted, openly worried now even if he kept a low tone so as not to bring everyone’s attention on themselves, as Blaine didn’t seem to be in the mood for much talking and bringing more people into it would not help him to open up.

“Smythe, you’re blocking the door” Sam good-naturedly complained from the other side of the room, feigning to be thinking about the other guests who hadn’t been able to enter the apartment yet, but Blaine guessed it had been only an strategy to save him from Sebastian’s third-degree, so he sent his boyfriend a grateful smile.

The idea was to have a nice dinner, enjoy their friends’ company and then tell them about Blaine’s illness at the end of the evening, because they knew there was no way they could be happy and carefree if they talked about it at the beginning. But Sebastian was not making it any easier, and it was just a matter of time until somebody else started noticing about their serious stances.

“Cooper!” Mike exclaimed as Blaine’s big brother appeared in the living room, so he hurried to shake hands with him. “Didn’t know you were visiting”

“It was kind of a last minute decision” Cooper answered dismissively while he started greeting every one of his brother’s guests in feigned cheerfulness.

“Why don’t you make yourselves comfortable? We made margaritas” Sam suggested with a mischievous smile that Blaine tried to imitate.

“I’ll help you” Kitty immediately offered, but in her way to the kitchen she managed to trip with one of the boxes Sam had used in his moving and that had been forgotten there –the rest of them had already been moved to the bedroom–. “Shit, you guys, tidy up a little if you don’t want your guests to split their heads open” she protested good-naturedly as she fortunately regained her balance before she ended up on the floor.

“I’m sorry, Kitty” Sam apologized as he hurried to pick up the box, hoping no one would start getting any theories about why that box was there.

But of course it was too late. If Cooper was only visiting he would have never brought a cardboard boxed with him, only suitcases, right? And Blaine was practically an obsessively tidy person, so there was no way he had left a box just lying there –even if he had bought something, he would have already tidied up that thing and thrown the box away, right? –. So that meant it could only be Sam’s.

“Sam, have you moved in?” Tina, always the astute, asked, looking quizzically at him.

“Em… yeah” Sam answered, knowing he had no alternative than to tell the truth.

“You bastard, you didn’t tell me anything” Sebastian happily exclaimed as he nudged Blaine on the ribs, pretending to be upset about the fact that Blaine had failed to tell him something as important as that.

“It’s just… he moved only two days ago” Blaine confessed, and it didn’t go unnoticed to Sebastian that Blaine didn’t look as ecstatic as he should, considering he and the love of his life had taken the step to live together –something Sebastian knew had been Blaine’s biggest dream for a long time.

“This calls for a celebration!” Puck practically yelled as he hurried to the fridge. “Damn it, where are you keeping the champaign?”

“No, guys” Sam stopped them, looking at Blaine for permission to start explaining, as it was obvious they couldn’t keep postponing it any longer in spite of their previous plans. “I mean it’s great and everything but… I moved in with such a hurry for a reason”

“What? Did you lose your apartment?” Sebastian asked, wondering if maybe that was what was keeping Blaine so pensive.

“I wish it was that” Sam answered with a sad smile.

“We were going to wait until the end of the night so as not to ruin the supper for you but…” Blaine started, and when his voice kind of broke, Sam crossed the room and rushed to stand by his side, wanting to offer all of his support.

“What’s wrong?” Sebastian asked, as he was starting to look really troubled about the couple’s strange behavior. “You’re scaring me”

“Well, I… this is a bit hard to explain” Blaine started as Sam took his hand in his, but he let him talk because he knew it was important to Blaine to be the one to deliver the news. “I don’t know how to sugarcoat it so I’m just going to say it, ok?”

“Sure” Sebastian encouraged him while Tina nodded vigorously.

“The reason Sam moved in like this, and Cooper came for a visit so suddenly is… so they can take care of me” Blaine explained, his voice hardly more than a whisper.

“Take care of you?” Sebastian repeated in a worried voice. “Why? Are you ill or something?”

“Yes. Ok, I don’t want you to get too scared, but… I’ve got…” Blaine continued until his voice was about to break, but Sam’s arm curling supportively around his waist helped him recover enough to finish. “I’ve got a brain tumor”

Blaine thought it was probable that he was going to become used to those silences that always seemed to accompany any conversation related to his illness. It was not that he didn’t understand: it was just too shocking to know what to say. But those silences were so ironically deafening that he couldn’t stand them.

“I know it’s something difficult to accept, so if you feel the need to cry, or scream, or make any questions… you can do it” Blaine announced, suddenly sounding like the strong and confident person they all knew so well. “We already have done a lot of that” he added, looking at Sam and at his brother with knowing and sympathetic glances.

“But… does that mean…?” Puck started asking, not really knowing what consequences that could have for his friend, but he was completely unable to finish the question.

“I’m starting a treatment tomorrow” Blaine answered, understanding Puck’s question. “I’m going to get some chemo and then they will try to remove the tumor from my brain with surgery, so I’ll… hopefully be alright in a few months” Blaine knew he was being too optimistic, but he didn’t want his friends to worry too much with statistics and possible consequences.

“It’s not going to be pretty, but we’re going to fight” Sam added, putting his arm around his boyfriend as a way of showing everyone they were together in that.

Everyone seemed to be in shock, paralyzed, not knowing what to do or say. They wanted to be strong for their friend, to help him start the fight in the highest possible spirits, but they couldn’t. That was Blaine they were talking about: their friend, one of the most important people in their lives. The boy who always had a smile and a nice word to say to everyone. The one that had always been there for them whenever they had needed it. The boy who deserved all the good in the world and then more. And now he suddenly was talking about fighting for his life? How was that fair?

Tina was the first one to react when she was completely unable to stop the tears. But Blaine had been expecting that –he knew how much that sweet girl adored him– so he gladly reciprocated the embrace when she clung to him with all her forces.

“It’s okay, Tina” he whispered in his air. “Just let it all go”

“I love you so much, Blaineydays” she answered between sobs as she tenderly caressed the curls on the back of his head.

“I know, Tina” he answered with a shaky laugh, squeezing her more strongly to him. “I love you too”

“We all love you, Blaine” Mike added, in an unusual demonstration of affection for him because of his shyness, before he also threw his arms around him and Tina.

One by one, -Artie, Kittie, Puck, Santana, Brittany, Ryder and Marley- all the friends approached and joined the group hug. There were more than a few tears shed, and quiet sobs and sniffles filled the oppressing silence of the room for a few minutes. Blaine was surprised when he realized Sebastian was one of the ones to be dealing with the news better, remaining stoic and hardly participating in the hug more than with a lazy hand to someone’s back –though the fact he hadn’t said anything or how he refused to even look at him, told Blaine a completely different story.

“Come on, guys” Cooper intervened after a while, when he noticed his brother was starting to get a bit overwhelmed, and he decided to go for some light joking, hoping to break the tense and sad atmosphere, if only a bit. “I know it’s hard to take, but Blaine is going to need to breathe sometime soon!”

Most of them chuckled sadly at his words and started letting go of each other, the last one being Tina with a loving kiss to Blaine’s cheek.

“Let’s try and have that nice dinner we had planned, ok?” Sam suggested, putting his arm around Blaine’s shoulders again now that he was available. “The fight doesn’t start until tomorrow, so let’s make the most of today, ok?”

“Of course! Where are those margaritas?” Puck asked, always the first one to get ready to party. But this time they knew he was just trying to help –the way he had had to dry a couple of tears showed how much he cared about Blaine’s wellbeing–, so Sam just winked gratefully at him and followed him to the kitchen to get everything ready, not before resting a comforting kiss on Blaine’s temple that elicited a smile from the smaller boy.

That dinner was not as lively and carefree as they usually were, of course, but everybody was making a very big effort to act normal so Blaine would feel comfortable and relaxed. After some time, the joking started, and their noisy conversation started filling every corner of the living room, effectively banishing that silence Blaine was coming to hate so much, even if it was only for a while.

Except for Sebastian. He was sitting the furthest away from Blaine –whether it had been on purpose or not, Blaine didn’t know–, and Blaine still had to see him open his mouth to talk –or even eat, as his plate seemed to be as full as it was at the beginning of the meal–. His attitude was surprising and confusing Blaine very much, because he had expected him to cry, to scream, to get angry, to cling to him until he couldn’t stand it… Anything but that silent treatment he was giving him.

Sebastian seemed to guess the scrutiny Blaine was subjecting him to, because only a minute later he finally spoke to say he was going to the bathroom and disappeared before anyone could utter a word about it.

The dinner went on around him, but Blaine couldn’t concentrate in it anymore, just waiting for Sebastian to come back so he could see he was alright. But when more than a few minutes had come and go and Sebastian was not back yet, he decided he was not going to wait anymore. Maybe getting him alone would be the best idea, anyway, so he could confront him and ask him what the hell was going on.

“I should go and talk to Seb” Blaine whispered at Sam’s ear, not wanting the others to hear and attract too much attention towards his friend.

“Alright” Sam answered, and smiled when Blaine kissed his cheek before he left.

On his way to the bathroom, Blaine was surprised to see the door to the terrace slightly ajar, but one quick look outside told him that it had been Sebastian leaving it like that when he had gone outside, probably in desperate need of being alone. Which only confirmed to Blaine that he really needed to talk to his friend and let him know he was there for him too.

“Seb?” Blaine softly said, not wanting to scare Sebastian, who seemed to be deep in thought as his gaze was lost in the horizon.

“Blaine!” Sebastian exclaimed in surprise, not having heard him approaching, and hurried to dry the tears in his eyes in hopes his friend wouldn’t see them.

“Are you going to keep avoiding me for long?” Blaine asked without a hint of reproach in his voice.

“What? I’m not avoiding you” Sebastian answered, even if he still had to turn around to face his friend.

“Can you look at me, Sebastian?” Blaine pleaded.

It seemed as if it was a big effort for him, and Blaine wondered if his friend was going to plainly ignore him, but in the end Sebastian let go a long sigh and turned around, finally meeting his friend’s eyes for the first time since his announcement.

“You ok?” Blaine asked, when he saw a sorrow in Sebastian’s eyes he had never seen before.

“Of course” Sebastian answered way too quickly to sound convincing.

“You don’t have to feign with me, Seb” Blaine said in a reassuring tone as he moved closer to his friend. “We’re way over that”

“I know” Sebastian agreed with a nod of his head.

“Why did you disappear like that?” Blaine asked as he rested his hand on Sebastian’s arm, wanting him to know he could tell him anything.

“Because…” Sebastian started and it seemed as if he was going to look for another excuse but then thought better of it. “Because I couldn’t keep it together any longer”

“And you didn’t have to, you know?” Blaine answered, understanding as usual. “You could just have let go of it”

“No”

“Why not?”

“I just… I have no right” Sebastian confessed even if his voice broke at the end.

“Of course you have the right, Seb” Blaine answered with a fond and sad smile as he squeezed Sebastian’s shoulder.

“But you are the one who’s ill” Sebastian tried to explain, even if he knew he was not really hiding the tears in his voice anymore.

“Yeah. And you’re my best friend. And I’m here for you too, ok?” Blaine answered, looking intently at Sebastian’s eyes so the latter would know he really meant it.

“How can you stay so strong?” Sebastian asked, his eyes, already full of tears, looking at Blaine with so much admiration it almost made him blush.

“I’m not” Blaine confessed with a sad smile. “I’ve just… had a few days to get my head around it. It was… very hard” Blaine’s own voice shook at the reminder of everything he had gone through since he had received the damned diagnosis. “But I’m trying to accept it now. And frankly, speaking with the doctor yesterday and getting to know how everything is going to work from now on helps a little. You know, the fear of the unknown and all that crap”

“Are you going to be alright?” Sebastian asked, his heart shrinking with fear at the answer he was going to get, as Blaine still hadn’t talked about his options.

“I’m surely going to try” Blaine answered with a laugh even if his eyes were already shining with unshed tears. “You haven’t seen the last of me yet, Smythe”

Sebastian half laughed, half sobbed at Blaine’s poor attempt of humor before throwing his arms around him in that embrace he had denied him before for fear of breaking down. He held Blaine strongly, almost in an asphyxiating way, but he needed to feel him while his body was still healthy and full of life, so he could remember him like that when things got difficult. After all, as Blaine had said, he was his best friend, he loved him dearly and couldn’t even begin to imagine a life without him. And instead of being there for him… it was Blaine the one trying to comfort him. That wasn’t fair.

“I’m sorry” Sebastian apologized as he tried to control his tears, feeling deeply ashamed for his behavior. “You need strong people around you and… look at me”

“Seb, I’m looking at you” Blaine answered, even breaking the embrace so they could look at each other face to face. “And do you know what I see? Someone who loves me very much. And that’s what I really need”

“Oh, Blaine” Sebastian exclaimed as he embraced Blaine to his chest again, this time intending to be the one to offer his support. “I’m so sorry”

“I know” Blaine answered, embracing his friend just as strongly. “But hey, we can do it. You’re going to help me, right?”

“Of course, Blaine” Sebastian answered when the embrace broke, even if he kept his hands on Blaine’s shoulder to squeeze them reassuringly. “I love you, you know? I promise I’m going to be there for you for anything you need, Blaine”

“I have Sam, Cooper and you. I couldn’t possibly ask for anything better” Blaine assured him with a more honest smile this time.

“How about not being ill?” Cooper dared to joke, and it made Blaine feel infinitely better to get a glimpse of the real Sebastian.

“Ok, that I could ask” Blaine answered with a laugh that was immediately reciprocated.

Silence fell again between them, but this time Blaine didn’t hate it so much, because he knew it was all Sebastian needed to get a grip on himself. It only showed him how much his friend cared about him.

“You okay now?” Blaine asked.

Sebastian’s only answer was to dry his tears and nod confidently at him.

“Then come on, let’s get inside” Blaine suggested, offering his hand to his friend, who immediately took it and let himself be pulled inside.

Sam was just waiting for them at the door, as unsurprisingly he had gotten worried when both of them had failed to go back to the table. Sebastian made a quick and silent escape towards the bathroom to wash his face, but Blaine took the chance to fall into Sam’s waiting arms that immediately closed around his.

“Are you ok?” Sam asked as he rocked both their bodies in a comforting way, even resting a kiss on the side of Blaine’s face in such a tender way that it almost made him cry again.

“I am” Blaine assured him, resting his head on Sam’s shoulder and closing his eyes to enjoy their moment more deeply. “And I’m going to remain this way” Blaine promised to himself, empowered by all the love of the people around him were giving him.

And by the way Sam reinforced his embrace and rested his head against his, he knew he was going to make sure he kept that promise.


	5. August

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, after the fluffy new take on the "A long race" universe and getting completely stuck on the TWD fic, I thought I would go back to this, which has been abandoned since August! Hope you are still interested!
> 
> Once again, I feel obliged to remind you that I know next to nothing about cancer and its treatment (the only contact I've had with it was when I was working with children in a hospital for some time) so a lot of the things mentioned here might not be too faithful with reality. I've tried making some research, but I haven't found any specific information about it. So please, just ignore the medical aspect and enjoy the drama around it. If it becomes too unrealistic, you can always forget about the story ;)

Blaine woke up to the sweet feeling of a gentle hand –Sam’s, undoubtedly– caressing the curls on the top of his head. For a blissful moment, he forgot why he was sleeping on the couch before supper and just enjoyed feeling so loved and well cared. But the horrible nauseating sensation that followed after that and the headache that accompanied it immediately reminded him how lousy he was feeling because of the chemo and why he had preferred to sleep so he could avoid the world for just a little while.

“Sweetie?” Sam whispered as soon as he noticed the change in Blaine’s breathing –which had been so peaceful and relaxed only a moment before.

“What?” Blaine asked confusedly as he dared to open his eyes, if only because he didn’t have it in him to ignore his boyfriend, kneeling right next to him, especially when he was talking so sweetly to him. “Did I fall asleep again?”

“Yeah” Sam answered, his voice a mixture of reassurance and guiltiness as his hand never stopped his comforting rhythm in Blaine’s head. “You looked so peaceful for once that I didn’t want to wake you up, but Cooper insisted you should have something to eat”

“I can’t possibly eat anything, Sam” Blaine answered, hating the fact that he was causing that worry in Sam’s eyes, but just the thought of even trying to eat something, anything, made him want to cry because of the pain in his stomach and even his mouth.

“I was afraid you would say that” Sam lamented as his hand moved to caress Blaine’s warm cheek in an understanding way. “I tried to make Cooper understand, but you know how he is”

“Thank you for understanding” Blaine answered as he raised his own hand to cup Sam’s cheek in a grateful gesture, glad that he always had Sam on his side even if he knew how difficult for him it was not to insist for him to eat.

“Babe, I trust you enough to know when you really need to eat something” Sam continued as he rose from the floor and sat at the edge of the couch instead, next to Blaine’s hip so he could rest a hand on his waist in a loving attempt to feel closer to him. “I know how sick you’ve been feeling and the last thing on my mind would be to try and force some food into you when I positively know it’s only going to make it worse”

“You’re so amazing” Blaine answered with the smallest smile as he slowly sat up and kissed his boyfriend’s cheek in gratitude –his mouth felt so dirty and painful that he didn’t dare to really kiss him, though Sam seemed to understand.

“No, I just want you to feel good… or as good as possible, at least” Sam responded as he sat down more comfortably and brought Blaine’s legs to rest on his lap, his arm going around the latter’s shoulders so he could embrace him and bring him to lie on his chest.

“That feels good” Blaine said as he let his head rest on Sam’s warm and familiar shoulder, knowing he would probably be asleep again in no time even if he didn’t want to separate from Sam just yet, even in spite of the pain.

“I don’t know why we didn’t try before” Sam joked before resting a soft kiss on Blaine’s forehead, even if he knew perfectly well why they hadn’t tried before.

And it was because Blaine had felt so damn nauseous that he had needed to lie down completely all day. Because he was so tired and felt so fatigued that he had hardly moved, especially in the hours Sam had unwillingly gone to work. Because not even Sam’s loving interactions were of any help to his physical discomfort and only lying down on his side seemed to help any. But if Blaine was feeling slightly better, enough that he could sit up and cuddle with him for a little while, he was not going to miss the opportunity. Because going back home from work and finding him in the exact same place and position that he had left him in the morning had broken Sam’s heart. And he knew Blaine needed all the support and comfort and love he could get to fight, and he was more than willing to provide it for him.

“Let me apologize in advance in case I fall asleep” Blaine added, his voice slurred with sleep already, especially when Sam tenderly wrapped him up with the blanket that had been covering him until then.

“You don’t have to apologize” Sam answered with a chuckle, comforted at the fact that in spite of all the pain, Blaine still loved him so much that he worried about being a lousy company. “Awake or not, your weight on my chest is all I need to feel good”

“Gosh, I love you so much” Blaine answered, by then more asleep than awake, before nestling more comfortably on Sam’s chest, unaware of how much his words had affected the other boy and what a knot they had formed on his throat.

“You have no idea how much I love you too” Sam whispered, afraid of not finding his voice if he tried to talk more loudly, and his fingers got lost in those soft curls he loved so much –and that he couldn’t help but to notice were slowly becoming less and less exuberant as the treatment advanced.

“Come on, kids!” Cooper said in a joking tone when he appeared in the living room with the dinner he had been getting ready, hoping it would be easier to convince Blaine to give it a try if he didn’t need to move from the sofa. “Dinner’s ready!”

“I’m not hungry” Blaine complained immediately, almost out of habit, trying to ignore the identical sighs his answer elicited in both his boyfriend and his brother.

“Well, you’re going to have to do an effort, squirt, you haven’t had a bite to eat all day” Cooper answered, trying to sound stern and understanding at the same time while leaving a full plate on the coffee table, right in front of his little brother.

“And there is a reason for that” Blaine said when the strong smell of Cooper’s dish finally filled his nostrils and he felt the nausea returning with a vengeance.

“You okay?” Sam worriedly asked when he noticed the change in Blaine’s peaceful expression until then.

“Help me up” Blaine pleaded while trying to rise up from the sofa, grateful for Sam’s assistance or he would never make it to the bathroom in time.

Once he was on his feet he quickly extricated from Sam’s grip and walked as fast as his limited strength allowed him, hoping he wouldn’t end up vomiting on the floor because that would be too embarrassing and unfair to those two men he loved so much who would end up having to clean the mess, even if they would swear a thousand times that it was not that big a deal. But he didn’t want to be a burden more than he already was, and he also wanted to keep some of his dignity, so when he heard some footsteps behind him he hurried to put a stop to them.

“Don’t come with me” he said over his shoulder, not even sure about who was following him because he couldn’t risk to stop and turn around, and, with no further words, he ran into the bathroom and closed the door behind him.

Sam sighed again as he stopped, knowing he owed his boyfriend the right to decide when he needed some privacy, and stood there in the corridor without knowing what to do, his heart breaking at the sound of Blaine’s retching even through the closed door. It was not new, of course: vomiting had become painfully frequent after every chemo session, and Blaine didn’t even usually complain about it anymore, as if he had become used to it. But Sam had still yet to get used to see him suffer and it broke his heart every time, especially when he knew there was nothing he could do.

The sound of Cooper muttering under his breath brought him out of his reverie, and he went back to the living room to find the older man picking up the offending plate, his expression a mask of guilt and sadness at what he had elicited, even if involuntarily.

“Fuck, aren’t I the biggest help?” he sarcastically muttered to himself as he made his way back to the kitchen.

But Sam heard it, and his heart went to him. Cooper had been helping a lot since the treatment started, but Sam knew he didn’t feel as if he was doing enough: he felt responsible for the ill boy, considering he was his big brother and their parents weren’t alive anymore. He knew Cooper liked to pretend he didn’t care about feelings and that he was careless and just wanted to have fun, but he also knew Blaine was his weakness and that he would move heaven and earth for him. And he felt as inadequate and useless around him those days as Sam did, dying to help Blaine even if he didn’t seem to find the way.

“It’s ok, Cooper” Sam tried to comfort him while Cooper angrily emptied the pot full of soup in the sink.

“No, it’s not” Cooper replied matter-of-factly, even if it was easy to guess how upset he really was.

“He’s been throwing up all day, it’s not your fault”

“Well, this last time was actually my fault” Cooper insisted as he started washing up just to have something to do and avoid Sam’s pitiful glances. “The doctor warned us about food and strong smells, why the hell did I not see this was going to happen?”

“You just tried to get him to eat something by making him one of his favorite dishes, it’s not like you were trying to hurt him, give yourself a rest” Sam replied, even resting a comforting hand on Cooper’s shoulder, but it was easy to see the older man was not convinced.

But there was not more time for discussion before the door to the bathroom opened and Blaine slowly made his way back to them, his face pale and clammy even if he tried not to make his discomfort too obvious so the other two wouldn’t worry.

“How are you feeling?” Sam immediately asked him while rushing to meet him halfway and put his arms around him, in case he needed some support after the effort.

“Better, but I need to lie down” Blaine answered, grateful for the warm and gentle arms half carrying him and helping him down on to the couch again.

“You know we can just bring a bucket here so you don’t have to get up all the time, you know?” Sam offered while tenderly tucking Blaine up with a blanket, taking his time to caress the curls falling forgotten on his forehead.

“I’m not going to have the whole apartment smelling like vomit as long as I can get up, Sam” Blaine immediately –and unsurprisingly– refused. “I’m not going to do that to you both”

“We don’t mind”

“Well, I do. Plus I need to move every now and then, however hard it looks. I don’t want to become a vegetable, you know?”

“Oh, but you’re the prettiest lettuce I have ever seen” Sam dared to joke, hoping it would be well received after the hard day Blaine had endured, and he thought his heart was going to melt with adoration when his boyfriend chuckled, so he rewarded him with a kiss on the tip of his nose.

“I’m so sorry, Squirt” Cooper intervened, his voice full of remorse as he also made his way into the living room.

“Don’t worry, Coop, how were you to know?” Blaine was quick to absolve him, hating the look of total devastation in his brother’s face.

“I was only trying to help, the last thing I wanted was to…” Cooper tried to justify himself, but Blaine didn’t even let him.

“Coop, I know” Blaine gently interrupted him. “Hey, I’ve been feeling like this all day, it wasn’t your fault”

“But my cooking…”

“Your cooking will have to wait until my stomach settles down a bit, that’s all. I bet it will be delicious”

“Not anymore” Cooper confessed, his face blushing with embarrassment at his impulsive action. “I… got rid of it through the sink”

“Why?” Blaine asked in total surprise. “Sam and you could have eaten it”

“Not if just the smell of it was making you nauseous” Cooper replied.

“Come here, Coop” Blaine asked as he straightened his hand as a petition for his brother to take it.

Sam moved away a bit for a moment to give them some space, knowing how much Blaine needed to reassure his brother that everything was ok, and he was glad when Cooper complied and took his little brother’s hand in his before he sat down on the edge of the couch, next to him.

“I will be ok, alright?” Blaine said, and it made feel Cooper stupid that it was him trying to reassure him instead of the other way around. “These are just the usual side effects of the chemo and we already knew what was going to happen, ok? None of this is your fault”

“I know, but…” Cooper tried to explain, but he didn’t know how to put into words the feelings of inadequacy and frustration he had been having for days at his apparent inability to help his brother.

“You’re helping, Coop” Blaine explained it for him, and Cooper looked at him in awe that he had been able to read him so well in spite of how hard he had been trying to hide it. “You’re helping more than you can imagine”

“You really mean it?” Cooper asked, dying to believe his brother, and it hurt to see the normally confident and careless man so upset.

“Stop worrying about being perfect, Coop, and just continue doing what you’ve been doing until now: caring for me so much” Blaine answered, completely honest, because if there was something that was making him feel better through all the shit was the constant presence of the two people he loved the most in the world at his side and the way they constantly let him know how much they loved him through their gestures.

Cooper smiled and, in a rare rush of affection, he lowered his upper body down to embrace his little brother close to his chest. Gosh, he admired him so much… There he was, being the one comforting everyone even if he was the one who should be comforted. But he shouldn’t be surprised, Blaine had always been so strong, and not even that damned illness was going to change that. And even if Cooper knew they were just getting started, and the worst was yet to come, suddenly he felt a bit more confident that everything would be alright in the end, as long as Blaine fought like the damned fighter that he was.

“You know how you can both help me?” Blaine added after a whole minute of just embracing his brother, even letting his hand caress the back of Cooper’s neck until the older man composed himself enough to break the embrace.

“How?” Cooper asked, breathing deeply a couple of times to get his feelings under control again.

“By going to the kitchen and having something to eat yourselves” Blaine answered, looking alternatively at Cooper and Sam. “The fact I can’t eat doesn’t mean you have to stop doing it yourselves”

“But…” Cooper tried to protest, even if he didn’t exactly know why, but it felt wrong to just leave his brother alone to do something as insignificant as eating, especially when he couldn’t do it.

“I’ll wait for you here, resting” Blaine answered, turning to his side to get more comfortable, as if wanting to show them he was going to be perfectly alright on his own for a while. “Just turn the TV on for me and go, and when you’re finished you get your asses back here and we will watch a movie together, alright? And by a movie, I mean _Young Frankenstein_ , obviously”

“Obviously” Sam repeated with a chuckle, knowing how much his boyfriend loved that movie and how he would always watch it whenever he needed something light to get his mind off other things. And Sam really wanted to hear him laugh, needed to, so he was not going to complain about the movie choice.

“Now get going and have some dinner. I’d go with you, but… I don’t want to risk it” Blaine said with a mischievous smile even if they perfectly knew it was quite true.

“Alright” Cooper finally relented with a sweet caress of the back of his fingers to his little brother’s cheek.

Sam watched Cooper disappear towards the kitchen again and then turned to look at his boyfriend with a tender smile.

“What?” Blaine asked, reciprocating the smile while his boyfriend came closer to him again.

“Nothing, just that… you’re amazing” Sam answered as he repositioned the blanket to cover the other boy completely and rested a kiss on his forehead. “Are you going to be okay here on your own?”

“Yeah, I think I’ll survive for the few minutes I know you’re going to take to eat” Blaine answered with a smile, even if he could feel his eyelids already getting heavy again under the warmth of the blanket and the comfort of the cushions. “But I want to be with you a bit longer, promise me you’ll wake me up when you’re finished to watch the movie”

“I promise” Sam answered with another kiss, this time to Blaine’s cheek, before following his brother-in-law.

They decided to have simple sandwiches, just to make sure no undesirable smell would reach the comfort of the living room, and they ate them in record time, both of them dying to go back to Blaine so he wouldn’t have to be alone in his state. When they went back to the living room, though, and as Blaine had predicted, the boy was asleep and with such a peaceful expression on his face that Sam was close to just let him enjoy that painless haven until the next day. But then he remembered his promise to wake him up so they could be together for a while and gently shook his arm, to which he was rewarded with an honest smile.

Sam offered to let Blaine’s head rest on his lap while he lay down, but Blaine preferred for Sam to lie down too so he could nestle on his chest the way both of them loved so much, so Sam didn’t hesitate to comply with his wishes while Cooper inserted the _Young Frankenstein_ DVD in the player and sat on the armchair next to them. And even if Blaine was asleep again only halfway through the movie, nothing could have warmed Sam’s heart more than the small laughs they had shared and the sweet weight of Blaine’s curly head on his own chest. And the knowledge that they had gone through another day.

**********

When Blaine opened his eyes the morning after, he was surprised to find himself in his bedroom as he had no recollection of having gone to bed. The last memory he had was of him comfortably lying on Sam’s chest, the latter’s strong arms around him while the tip of his fingers caressed his scalp, watching one of his favorite movies and laughing together. So he guessed he must have fallen asleep and sweet and gentle Sam had carried him to their bed without him even stirring.

“Morning” Sam’s morning-rough voice and his fingers on Blaine’s cheek got him out of his reverie and made him turn his whole body to his side so he could see him.

“Morning” Blaine answered with a grateful smile when Sam gave his lips a quick peck.

“How did you sleep?” Sam asked, cupping Blaine’s cheek and looking at him as if he was a piece of art, making Blaine’s heart flutter like the first time they had woken up together.

“Like a baby” Blaine answered truthfully, feeling a bit better than the day before. “Thank you for carrying me to bed, by the way, though you could have woken me up”

“And miss the chance to feel all gentleman and strong because I’m carrying my boyfriend to bed? No, thanks” Sam joked, his chest warming to no end when he got Blaine to laugh wholeheartedly in what felt like days since the last time.

“My knight in shining armor” Blaine said before giving Sam’s lips a kiss of his own. “Have you been awake for long?”

“A little while”

“And you were just you watching me sleep?”

“Yes” Sam answered without the slightest embarrassment as his arm curled around Blaine’s waits to bring him closer to him. “You are so pretty I felt completely incapable of separating from you just yet”

What was meant as a joke, as Sam loved to call Blaine pretty because he would always complain about the choice of words even if he blushed at the appraisal, this time it completely changed Blaine’s content expression towards something else Sam couldn’t really identify. Was it sadness? Disagreement? Maybe… shame? When had Blaine started feeling like that and why hadn’t he noticed it?

“I’m not pretty” Blaine answered in a sad tone, his eyes suddenly avoiding Sam’s in embarrassment.

Because even if he had said nothing about it, Blaine was perfectly aware of the changes his body was experimenting with the chemo, how much hair he was losing and how red and dry and itchy his skin felt, how hollow his eyes looked because of the weight he was losing and the constant bags under them caused by his persistent fatigue. And the fact that Sam still called him pretty, undoubtedly ignoring his actual looks just to make him feel better, didn’t make it less true.

“You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever met, Blaine” Sam said while gently but firmly holding his chin between his fingers so he would be forced to look at him.

“Yeah… thanks, Sammy” Blaine answered, sounding totally unconvinced, before giving Sam another quick kiss and sitting up to start yet another long and hard day.

The fact that Sam didn’t insist or even tried to stop him from moving yet surprised Blaine to no extent, as Sam never before had let a discussion go, especially if he wasn’t totally convinced that Blaine was feeling 100% well, so he turned to look at him, and it was then when he discovered his boyfriend’s eyes intently looking at the pillow Blaine had just vacated.

It was easy for Blaine to discover why: the pillow was full of hair that had fallen during the night, as it had been happening for a few days already. But this time an entire curl was lying there, and Blaine unconsciously drove his hand to his head, as if expecting to find a bald patch in it. And even if he didn’t find it, he was surprised at how easy it was for him to reach his scalp and, as much as it hurt to even think about it, he knew it was time for some drastic measures.

Sam forced himself to hold back the tears threatening to fall from his eyes at Blaine’s desolated expression because he knew he needed to be the strongest one in this in case Blaine needed to lean on him. He knew what Blaine would say: that it was not important, that it had to happen, that he was alright. But he also knew how many years it had taken Blaine to like his wild hair, to be even proud of it, to let it curl freely in that way Sam loved it so much. And now… now he was losing it, in a time when he felt weak and vulnerable… and unattractive.

“Blaine…” Sam tried to comfort him, even if he didn’t really know what to say, especially when he saw Blaine’s shaky hands reach for the fallen curl.

“No, it’s… it’s okay” Blaine expectedly answered, looking intently at the lock in his hand, perfectly guessing what Sam was trying to say. “We were expecting it, right?”

Sam sat up in a jump and cupped Blaine’s neck in his hands to get their faces together and melt into a long and loving kiss, meant to reassure them both of the love they still shared, of how beautiful and perfect Blaine still was to Sam’s eyes, of how something as stupid as hair was not going to come between them.

“I’m going to shave it” Blaine announced once the kiss broke and he let their foreheads rest together in a grateful gesture. “It will be better this way”

“Ok” Sam immediately agreed, because whatever way Blaine chose to deal with it, he would support it.

“Can you help me?” Blaine asked, his voice sounding so small and lost that Sam could only embrace him strongly to him, knowing he was asking for help because he didn’t trust himself to be able to shave his own head.

“Of course” Sam answered with a kiss to the side of his neck before breaking the embrace and picking up his hand instead to get him on his feet and lead him to the bathroom.

Sam made Blaine stand in front of the mirror as he looked for the clippers on the drawers under the sink. He didn’t even think twice about Blaine’s petition, because he could perfectly understand: he didn’t want to see himself losing what was left of his hair agonizingly slowly, he didn’t want to see his head full of bald patches, he didn’t want to see the progression. He preferred to choose the moment himself, to have the illusion he still had some control over at least one of the things happening to him. And even if it was going to be painful for Sam to do it too, he would gladly do it for him if it could help in any way.

“You ready?” Sam said after he had plugged the clippers, looking at Blaine’s reflection over his shoulder, to which Blaine only nodded in feigned confidence.

Not a word was said as Sam carefully ran the clippers all along Blaine’s head to get rid of the scarce remaining hair, not wanting to prolong the moment a second longer than necessary. And only when he was sure he had made a perfect job, Sam dared to raise his eyes towards the mirror again.

Gosh, he looked so different... and at the same time he was just exactly the same: those same huge eyes that seemed to change colors depending on his mood, those same full lips Sam never got tired of kissing, that perfect strong jaw that never failed to arouse him until his knees went weak… He hadn’t lied before: with or without hair, Blaine was the most beautiful person he had ever met.

What killed him, though, was the sadness emanating from him, even if he still had to say a word or to even react at his new look. Sam didn’t know what it was that affected Blaine the most: the change on his looks or how it made him really confront his harsh reality for the first time, how it would be a constant reminder of his illness. And Sam knew he had to distract him from those thoughts.

“Wow, it feels so soft!” he exclaimed as he lovingly run the palm of his hand all across Blaine’s head. “Maybe I could…”

“Don’t even dare” Blaine threateningly said, immediately understanding his boyfriend’s intentions.

“Why not? It looks great on you! Maybe it will look great on me too!”

“Sam…”

Not trusting his crazy boyfriend, Blaine tried to reach for the clippers to get it away from him, but Sam was quicker than him and brought it to his head and run it all along the top of his head before Blaine could stop him, creating a full patch from his forehead to the back of his head that would be impossible to fix.

“No!” Blaine exclaimed, looking horrified at the disaster his boyfriend had just done. “Why did you?”

“Oops, it was an accident” Sam replied in feigned innocence, amusingly looking at his reflection and how funny he looked with his new haircut. “I guess there is no turning back now”

“But your hair… it’s so beautiful” Blaine lamented, softly caressing the golden locks still remaining, so close to crying that his voice broke at the end.

“It will grow back. Just as yours will” Sam explained, taking Blaine’s hand in his to entwine their fingers together in a comforting gesture. “And I’ve always wanted to try, to be honest, think about how much time and money I’m going to save now I won’t have to wash it”

“You’re crazy” Blaine answered while shaking his head, though Sam’s heart melted when in the end he couldn’t help but to chuckle.

“Crazy for you” Sam answered with a quick kiss to his lips. “And now can you help me?”

Sam sat on the closed toilet, so Blaine wouldn’t have any trouble reaching any part of his head in spite of his lower stature and his tired muscles that made moving so much difficult, and held the clippers in front of him for Blaine to take. Blaine remained looking judgingly at him for a good while until Sam’s jokingly innocent expression made him roll his eyes with fondness, and he finally took the tool and proceeded to shave Sam’s head, just as the latter had done for him only a minute ago.

“Wow! It rocks!” Sam exclaimed once he was done and he stood again to look at himself in the mirror. “I look like a bad boy now!”

“Not even with a bloody machete in your hands you could look like a bad boy, Sammy” Blaine said with a smile as he also looked at his boyfriend with adoration.

“Come here” Sam said as he put a hand on Blaine’s waist and pushed him in front of him, so they could both look at their reflections together. “Don’t we look crazy sexy like this?”

“We do” Blaine agreed with a sad chuckle at both their bald heads.

Sam closed both his arms around Blaine’s waist from behind and kissed the side of his neck again, in an attempt of making Blaine understand he was just as beautiful as ever.

“We’re going to be alright” he said, slightly rocking their bodies together, mesmerized by the beautiful reflection the mirror was giving them.

“We are” Blaine agreed, letting his head rest against Sam’s shoulder and his hands on top of Sam’s ones, still on his belly, closing his eyes to better enjoy the moment. “We are”


	6. September

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know it took me forever to update, but since the chapter is soooooooooo long you will have yo forgive me XD
> 
> Sorry if you find more mistakes than usual, I'm too sleepy to edit correctly :)

Sam sighed before unlocking the door to his apartment, trying to gain some strength to put a smile on his face and feign an optimism and a cheerfulness that it was getting harder and harder to fake with each passing day. But he knew he needed to make the effort: it was the only way he could think of to keep them afloat. Because Blaine was depressed enough as it was; it was up to Sam to make sure he wouldn’t break down completely.

It was not as if Sam couldn’t understand him: every chemo session seemed to be even worse than the last one, and they would leave him feeling completely miserable for a couple of days or more, without being able to even think about eating, throwing up all day, getting so nauseous that he couldn’t even sleep sometimes. And then, just as he was starting feeling better, there was another session and everything would start again.

Not mentioning the fatigue, which wouldn’t leave him for even a day. And the symptoms of his tumor, mostly the headaches and the dizziness, were still very present, although now they were followed by some numbness on his left hand every now and then that he was trying to hide most of the time –even if Sam had caught him rubbing on it more than once, so he knew what was happening–. Add that to the boredom of hardly leaving the house apart from his visits to the hospital and his quickly deteriorating appearance, and it was quite surprising Blaine still have the strength to get up in the mornings.

Though he didn’t always do it anymore. Sometimes, when Sam left for work early in the mornings, he would return home to find Blaine still in bed, even if he was awake, and Cooper feeling frustrated because he hadn’t been able to get his brother out of the bedroom. Those times Sam would take advantage of the love Blaine had for him and how difficult it was for him to deny him anything and he would beg him to get up and spend some time with them on the living room. And even if he wouldn’t talk much or wouldn’t offer more than a polite smile to his poor attempts of humor, having him resting against his chest was what gave Sam the energy to keep trying day after day.

Because yes, it wasn’t like Blaine would refuse to talk to them or anything. But he refused to speak about how he was feeling, knowing him trying not to burden them with his troubles. And Sam knew keeping all that shit inside was only making everything worse.

So without a second thought, he lifted his tired shoulders, put a smile on his face and finally opened the door.

“Hey, I’m home!” he exclaimed a little more loudly than necessary, hoping the sound would reach his boyfriend wherever he was.

“Hey” Cooper answered with a sigh as he passed him by on his way to the kitchen, carrying an untouched tray in his hands.

“Any luck?” Sam asked even if he didn’t need to, his smile already gone, as it was clear that Blaine hadn’t touched the food his brother had gotten ready for him.

“No, he hasn’t had a bite all day” Cooper answered with another sigh, a mixture of surrender and frustration.  “Just as yesterday and the day before that”

“He had an apple and a yogurt yesterday” Sam contradicted him in his boyfriend’s defense.

“Yeah, and that’s clearly enough to keep an adult man alive” Cooper sarcastically answered to which Sam could only nod in agreement. “And if he isn’t eating today, just wait until tomorrow’s session. That means at least three more days”

“Let me try” Sam offered, taking the tray into his own hands. “Maybe I’ll be able to convince him to give it a try”

“Maybe” Cooper answered, though he didn’t seem too convinced. “And see if you can get him out of his room, he hasn’t moved from bed all day either”

“He’s just… so down…” Sam tried to explain, again meaning to defend his boyfriend, but the pained expression on Cooper’s face told him it was not necessary.

“I know” Cooper interrupted him with a sigh, almost as if he couldn’t stop sighing those days. “And I get it, who wouldn’t be in his place? But it kills me to see him like this”

Sam smiled sadly at his brother-in-law, feeling grateful for him and how much he was helping him in taking care of the ill boy, and then turned around to go to his room, not even wanting to think about the fact Blaine hadn’t moved from that bed all day.

“Knock knock” he playfully said through the slightly ajar door, unable as he was to let go of the tray carrying the food. “Are you awake?”

“Hey, love” Blaine immediately answered as he turned on the bed towards the door to welcome his boyfriend. “Missed you today”

Sam reciprocated Blaine’s smile, pretending he couldn’t notice how it didn’t illuminate his whole face just as it used to do, and then he left the tray on the bedside table so he could sit on the bed next to his beloved boyfriend.

“Not as much as I missed you” he answered before bending down to tenderly kissBlaine’s lips, grateful that at least Blaine wasn’t pushing him away and still appreciated and reciprocated his loving actions. “So what have you been up to today?” Sam asked, even if he perfectly knew the answer.

“Not much” Blaine honestly answered with a shrug of his shoulders. “Just resting”

“Hey, Cooper said you didn’t want to eat” Sam casually commented, not wanting to send Blaine into the defensive too soon.

“I’m not hungry” Blaine expectedly answered.

“I know, but you should make an effort, don’t you think?” Sam insisted, debating with himself if he should be stern or understanding about it.

“I don’t want to risk getting sick” Blaine answered, turning to curl in his side as if somehow he was anticipating the pain he was going to experience again the day after, when he got his next chemo session.“There will be enough of that from tomorrow”

“All the more reason to eat something today, sweetie” Sam decided to push his luck just a bit more, compensating with a tender caress to Blaine’s cheek, his heart breaking for a second at how much he missed Blaine’s curls and how he would be playing with them in that exact moment if they were still there, before feeling ashamed of himself for thinking about such a silly thing in a moment like that.

“I think I can go on without food for a couple of days, is not that big a deal” Blaine answered, slightly irritated at Sam’s insistence.

“It is when you realize it’s more like a-couple-of-weeks kind of thing”

“I’ve eaten, Sam”

“But not nearly enough” Sam replied, his eyes turning on their own towards Blaine’s collar bones, so easy to see those days.  “You’ve lost so much weight”

“Maybe you have forgotten I’m ill” Blaine retorted, making an enormous effort not to get angry even if he felt like he was being judged.

“No, I haven’t” Sam patiently answered, because he wished he could forget Blaine was ill, even if it was only for a second.“That’s why you need to make an extra effort”

“Sam, please…” Blaine begged for his boyfriend to let it go, his eyes swarming with tears he couldn’t control as he felt he was losing the understanding of the person he loved the most in the world.

“Ok, ok, I’m sorry” Sam answered, appalled at Blaine’s emotional vulnerable state, his heart breaking to see he was so depressed he couldn’t even grant him the smallest wish anymore in spite of how much it hurt him to deny him of it. “You eat when you are ready”

“Thank you” Blaine answered in relief, even if the blinking of his eyes caused one stray tear to fall that Sam was quick to catch in his thumb, as if offended by the vision of it.

“But you can come to the living room with us while we have our own supper, right? We’ve missed you”

“I’d rather just stay here, I feel incapable of moving today”

“What happened to you not wanting to become a vegetable?” Sam said in what he hoped sounded like a joking tone because he didn’t want to make Blaine cry again.

“Being anything else seems like too big an effort” Blaine joked back, and Sam marveled how much more beautiful he looked with that smile, even if it wasn’t by any means as wide as it used to. “Besides, weren’t you the one who said I was the prettiest lettuce?”

“That you are” Sam agreed with a chuckle and a kiss to the tip of Blaine’s nose. “But even for a lettuce, your back has to hurt after so many hours lying down”

“Everything does anyway” Blaine answered before he could stop himself, but his heart broke at the sadness his words caused on his boyfriend’s expression, so he hurried to fix it. “But come on, you get your dinner as quickly as you can and then come back here to me, we can watch a movie in the laptop, if you want”

“Ok” Sam reluctantly surrendered, able to see when he had lost a battle, before bending over to kiss Blaine’s forehead. “I’ll be right back”

Blaine only smiled as an answer and he was again deeply buried under the covers of his bed even before Sam had made it to the door. So with a heavy heart, Sam convinced himself to separate from him for a moment and left the room, the tray still in his hands, untouched.

“I see you weren’t lucky either” Cooper said once he reached the kitchen.

“No” Sam admitted with a tired sigh. “I tried, but he got too upset so I didn’t insist anymore”

“You know we’ll have to stop mothering him soon, right?” Cooper said, trying not to sound too reproachful because he knew they both had been doing it.“This cannot go for long”

“I know, but… not today. Let’s give him a truce today” Sam pleaded, and he looked so frustrated and sad that Cooper decided not to comment on how many days they have been giving him that truce already. “Let’s eat something ourselves and then I’m going back to him to watch a movie together”

“So he’s not going out of the room anytime soon either then, I presume”

“He’s too tired”

Sam felt like an idiot, trying to defend Blaine from his brother even if he knew Cooper loved him to no end. But he couldn’t help it: Cooper looked very frustrated that day, and the way he forcefully threw the dishcloth he had been holding to the worktop just seemed to corroborate that fact.

“This is not the fighter of a brother I’m used to” Cooper commented as he started washing up just so he wouldn’t have to look at Sam’s face and find the same desperation he was feeling inside.

“I know” Sam was forced to admit this time. Because he had always said that Blaine was the strongest person he knew, but where was that trademark courage of his now?

“He said he was going to fight and he is not doing it”

“Coop, I know” Sam interrupted him a bit abruptly, but he really didn’t want to keep hearing something that hurt so much –because he knew it was true.

“He’s fading away right in front of our eyes and he won’t do anything to stop it” Cooper insisted, finally turning around to face Sam, because it was too serious a matter not to discuss it face to face.

“I don’t know how to help him” Sam lamented, shaking his head with sadness, desperate for some guidance he knew he was not going to get, as Cooper seemed as lost as he was and much more dejected.

“Neither do I” Cooper replied with a shaky voice before he turned around again, wanting to avoid bursting out crying if he could help it, as it was the last thing Sam needed too. “Since you don’t need me here anymore for today, I think I’m going to go out for a bit. I need to get my mind off things for a while”

“You are not going to eat anything either?” Sam asked, already knowing the answer.

“I’m not hungry either”

Sam didn’t say anything else while he watched his brother-in-law leave the apartment in silence, closing the front door much more forcefully than necessary in an attempt of liberating some of the tension in his body. But Sam didn’t blame him; couldn’t blame him. He knew exactly how he felt: he was a very optimistic and positive person himself and he was starting to lose hope too, seeing the person he loved suffer like that.

But it was probably even worse for Cooper. For big brother Cooper, who had always been there for his adored little sibling. Who had always taken care of him when Blaine needed it. Who always had been able to make it all better for him. And who now, all of a sudden, and for the first time in their lives, couldn’t fix him. Even when their parents died so suddenly a couple of years before, Cooper had been able to help Blaine deal with his pain from the perspective of an older person, letting Blaine lean on him until he was able to stand for himself again.

But this time he didn’t seem to find the way to help. This time there was nothing he could do. And that was killing him, Sam knew that much.

Sam forced himself to eat a simple sandwich, even if that was the last thing he felt like doing –but someone needed to keep strong–, and hurried to go back to his shared bedroom with Blaine, bringing his laptop with him: no matter in which state Blaine was, Sam would always want to spend every minute of his day with him.

“I’m back” he said as soon as he entered the room, trying to sound much more cheerful than he was feeling, and he didn’t lost a moment to lie down next to his boyfriend, as he had missed him during the day-

“I heard the front door, did Cooper leave?” Blaine asked, and Sam felt momentarily relieved when he felt his boyfriend nestling on his chest, because at least they hadn’t lost that connection that always made them want to be in each other’s arms, and maybe not everything was lost yet.

“Yes, he… he felt like going out for a bit” Sam answered, kind of evasively, while putting his arms around his boyfriend’s frame.

“He’s angry at me, isn’t he?” Blaine asked, not fooled for a second by Sam’s casual answer.

“Why would he be angry?” Sam asked, relishing in the pleasure of having Blaine’s warm body against his for a second until Blaine’s broken voice took him back to the harsh reality.

“Because I didn’t want to eat or leave the room”

“Well, he’s a bit… frustrated, but he’s not angry”

“I’m sorry I’m being such a burden to you both” Blaine suddenly said, and he seemed so close to break down in tears that it was all Sam could do not to start crying himself.

“You’re not” Sam rushed to reassure him, his arms closing more strongly around his fragile body to make sure Blaine understood how honest he was. “We just don’t like seeing you like this, even if we understand”

“Can we watch a movie now?” Blaine asked out of the blue, and Sam understood it was his way of avoiding a conversation he didn’t want to have, as if he didn’t want to bother Sam or he was simply too tired for it.

“Sure” Sam reluctantly surrendered, using one of his arms to get the laptop ready on his belly, not letting go of Blaine with the other one. “Any requests?”

“You pick” Blaine answered, wanting to grant his boyfriend at least that since he seemed to be disappointing him in everything else.

“How about something we both like?” Sam suggested, hoping to spark some interest in Blaine. “Why don’t we forget about a movie and watch some _Sherlock_ instead?”

“That’s a wonderful idea, love” Blaine answered with a soft kiss to Sam’s chest that at least was able to elicit a little smile on him.

They fell into a companionable silence while watching the show they had previously watched more than a few times before, Sam’s tender hand caressing Blaine’s arm up and down the only movement in the room. But Sam didn’t want that silence, he felt suffocated by it after a while, so he decided to bring up an issue that had been in his head for a couple of days now.

“You know, your birthday is just around the corner” he tentatively said out of the blue, and Blaine raised his head to look at him in surprise for a second.

“Is it?” Blaine asked, as he had been losing track of time lately, considering every day seemed to be exactly the same than the day before.

“Yeah, just next week” Sam informed him cheerfully, hoping to pass some of his enthusiasm to Blaine. “I was wondering if you’d like to do something for it?”

“Like what?” Blaine asked, but it was easy to see how little interested he was by the way he let his head fall on Sam’s chest again.

“I don’t know, like going out for dinner, or a movie…” Sam tried to suggest, but Blaine didn’t even let him finish –something which didn’t surprise him in the least.

“I don’t want to go out” Blaine immediately opposed, clearly appalled at the idea of being outside in his state, when he could hardly stand his own image himself or hold his own weight for more than a few minutes.

“Well, then we can invite our friends and throw a little party” Sam immediately changed tactics, understanding Blaine’s reluctance, but he could make an effort with those friends he had refused to see for weeks, right?

“No”

“It doesn’t have to be a big thing, just a reunion with…”

“Leave it, Sam” Blaine pleaded, leaving no room for argument. “I don’t feel like doing anything”

“But it’s your birthday” Sam insisted, even sitting up and forcing Blaine to do too so they could face each other to have a proper conversation.

“I hadn’t even realized my birthday was near, so it’s not that big a deal” Blaine, again, tried to defuse the conversation, but Sam was much more stubborn than that.

“But it’s important, we have to celebrate it!” Sam insisted again, bringing Blaine to his limit without even realizing it.

“Why, because it might be the last one?” Blaine angrily retorted.

Blaine had never meant to say something like that. Never in a million years would have he said something that cruel to the person he loved the most in the world if he was in his senses. But he wasn’t, he knew that much. He didn’t seem to be in control of his own emotions anymore, as hard as he tried so he wouldn’t hurt Sam and Cooper more than necessary. But the dramatic change in the color of Sam’s skin, paling impossible at his hurtful words, made him realize he was losing the battle to protect them. And his heart broke at how much he was hurting them without even meaning to.

“I’m sorry” Blaine apologized, using every bit of his frail strength to swift his position so he could join his forehead to Sam’s in regret. “I’m so sorry, Sam. I shouldn’t have said that”

Sam nodded in forgiveness, as usual too kind for his own good, even if Blaine knew his words had hurt him deeply. But that was Sam, right? Even if Blaine knew he couldn’t understand what he was feeling –nobody did–, he would never hold a grudge against him, even if he deserved it.

“Forgive me, please” Blaine begged, his eyes shining with unshed tears until Sam’s hand gently moved to caress his cheek.

“It’s ok, I know you didn’t mean it” Sam answered, his voice trying to hide the emotional turmoil inside of him –even if Blaine knew better.

“It’s just… I don’t feel like doing anything” Blaine tried to justify his attitude, desperate for his boyfriend to understand he wasn’t ready for socializing. “I’m too tired and I don’t feel like meeting people just yet and…”

“Ok, ok, whatever you decide, love” Sam rushed to put an end to Blaine’s tirade when he noticed he was getting too worked up. “But I can at least make you a present, right?”

“Sure” Blaine conceded for Sam’s sake, though it was clear that he wasn’t too excited about it.

Sam thanked Blaine’s surrender with a close embrace, his hands tracing comforting patterns in the sick boy’s back. Of course he couldn’t be angry at Blaine: as hurtful as his words had been, he knew he hadn’t intended to hurt him with them. They were just a reality, and probably a thought that didn’t leave Blaine’s head for a day. If only he would talk about his feelings… Sam knew it would be very painful for him too, having to listen to it, but he didn’t care: if it could help Blaine in any way…

“Talk to me, Blaine” Sam begged, unconsciously squeezing Blaine more strongly to his chest in an attempt of protecting him from that horrible world that dared to put someone as bighearted as him through so much pain. “I’m here. You don’t have to keep it all inside”

“I know” Blaine answered before placing a grateful kiss in the side of Sam’s neck and breaking the embrace –and Sam’s hope that he would, indeed, open up to him. “There is… really nothing to say you don’t already know”

“But maybe if you talked about how you’re feeling…” Sam tried again, but Blaine cut him before he could even finish the sentence.

“There is something you can do for me, Sammy”

“What?”

“Just hold me” Blaine pleaded with only a thread of voice. “That’s what I really need”

“Ok” Sam immediately agreed.

Sam lied down on his back, making sure to bring Blaine with him, and he strongly closed his arms around Blaine’s fragile frame almost immediately, wanting to let him know how much he loved him and how he was going to be there for him until the last consequences through his embrace. And by the way Blaine curled impossibly close to his side, he knew he understood and appreciated it.

“Are you feeling comfortable like this?” Sam asked with a kiss to Blaine’s forehead, trying not to think about how thin and fragile Blaine’s body felt against his.

“Yes” Blaine answered with a relieved sigh, reciprocating Sam’s gesture with another kiss to his chest, hating the worry he could feel in his voice. “You’re doing it right, Sam. Please, don’t let my weakness make you believe you’re failing me, because you’re being perfect”

“You’re not weak” Sam protested, almost angry at someone judging Blaine’s strength even if it was Blaine himself.

“Then stop worrying about me, please” Blaine begged, hating that he was the cause of Sam’s constant fretting those days. “Let’s just… keep watching _Sherlock_ , ok?”

“As you wish” Sam answered. But his mind never returned to the show.

**********

A couple of days later the situation hadn’t changed much. Well, it had, but for worse, after another chemo session. Blaine seemed to keep getting weaker after each one, and the lack of proper nourishment was not making it any easier. Of course the nausea and the depression weren’t helping either, and Blaine had been feeling worse than ever after the chemo from the day before.

It had taken a lot of time and patience for Sam to get him to sleep with so many pains, but he had stayed by his side until his slow and rhythmic breathing assured him Blaine was finally asleep. And he had remained at his side, gently caressing the back of Blaine’s neck in a comforting way, for more than a few minutes afterwards, almost as if he was incapable of separating from him in case he was sick again. But in the end he had gotten too restless and he had found his way out of the room –leaving the door ajar so he could hear Blaine if he needed anything–, hoping a bit of bad TV would ease his mind for a bit.

He was surprised to see it was still quite early, as Blaine’s illness –and seeing Blaine in pain– seemed to make them lose track of time more often than not, and what had felt like a whole afternoon had probably been just a couple of hours. He heard some noises in the kitchen, which probably meant Cooper was getting something ready for both of them –extremely careful with the smells, of course, as the last thing he wanted was to bother his little brother with them again–. The last thing he felt like doing was eating: the long day watching Blaine at his worst had taken its toll on him and the only thing he would like to do was to cry himself to sleep. But he doubted he would sleep much that day, with so much going on in his head and in his heart.

He was about to go and help Cooper when he felt his phone buzzing in his pocket. He wondered who could it be at those hours, but then he remembered his mother had called him a couple of times during the day, calls he hadn’t had the time to pick while taking care of his boyfriend. One quick look at the screen of his phone and he discovered he was right, and he made his way to the living room for some privacy before picking up the call.

“Hello”

“Hi, sweetheart” his mother’s caring voice immediately warmed his heart. “How are you?”

“I’m fine” Sam lied in his habitual staged tone that never fooled his mother.

“How’s Blaine?” she continued, and Sam sadly smiled at how their conversations always started exactly the same nowadays.

“Not too good” Sam admitted with a tired sigh. “You know how he feels the worst the day after a session”

“I know, that’s why I’ve been calling today, to see how he was doing” she explained, and the way his mother cared so much about his boyfriend only helped to make his pretence all the more difficult. “So it’s been a hard day, I guess”

And that was it, that compassion and worry he could hear in his mother’s voice was enough to break his wall after weeks of fear, worry and frustration. Without being able to help it, Sam burst out in tears, and suddenly he was unable to speak as his whole body shook with sobs he couldn’t stop.

“Sam?” Mary asked, scared at the sudden outburst of her son, but his sobs wouldn’t give him the chance to answer. “Son, what is it? Talk to me, Sam, you’re scaring me. Is Blaine worse? Did you get some bad news?”

“No” Sam finally was able to say after breathing deeply a couple of times, trying to calm himself enough to speak because he could imagine all the horrible things going through her head at his breakdown. “No change, I’m sorry I scared you”

“Then what is it, honey?” she insisted, and her voice was so warm and reassuring that Sam couldn’t keep pretending.

“He’s fading away, Mom…” Sam answered with a sob. “And I don’t know how to stop it”

**********

Blaine looked at his watch in surprise, wondering where his boyfriend could be. He didn’t have a shift that day, and he had practically forced Blaine to get dressed and move to the living room, claiming he couldn’t possibly stand to remain locked up in their room for an entire day again. Of course Blaine had been unable to refuse, considering he could very well rest on the sofa instead of the bed, and he had let him help him towards the living room, where Sam had accommodated him on the couch and switched the TV on for him while he had to go out to run a couple of errands, he had said. But that had been almost two hours ago and Blaine was starting to worry.

He was about to pick up his phone to call him when he heard the key on the front door and sighed in relief. A relief that was short-lived when he heard Sam talking with someone, so Blaine was thrown into a panic that made him jump up from his seat more quickly than he could really afford and would have ended on the floor if he hadn’t grabbed on the couch’s backrest to hold himself up. All that made him waste some precious time and he wasn’t quick enough to grab the beanie lying on the table behind him before Sam and his mother appeared behind the door.

“Mary!” Blaine exclaimed in shock even if he rushed to put on the hat with shaky hands as if he couldn’t stand the thought of someone apart from Sam and Cooper seeing him without it.

“Unless you’re cold I would rather you didn’t feel the need to wear that around me” Mary answered with a gentle but confident tone as she stood in front of him, resisting the urge to grab him in the tightest embrace to give him some time to adjust to her sudden presence.

“No, it’s… I’m cold” Blaine lied, knowing it was easier to avoid a discussion that way.

“Come here” she said while walking the distance separating them and finally hugging him close to her chest, ignoring how awkwardly Blaine was reciprocating it.

And feeling him close had not been the only reason to embrace him so quickly, but she also didn’t want him to see her face until she was ready to compose herself again after having seen him. Nothing she could have imagined or anything that Sam might have told her could have prepared for the vision of that boy, who was like a son to her, like that: so pale that he looked almost translucent, so weak that he could hardly stand on his own two feet and so incredibly thin that his cheeks and his eyes seemed to have sunken under his bones. The hat covering his hairless head only made him look even sicker, and she had to repress the urge of taking it off him because he had to let him decide, even if she hated it so much.

All of that was like a punch to her motherly heart, and she took advantage of the hug to breathe deeply and stop any possible tears she would have loved to shred, because she had come all the way from Kentucky to be the strong person Blaine needed to lean on, and he couldn’t know how much she was hurting right then.

“What are you doing here?” Blaine asked once the embrace broke, looking reproachfully at Sam, who just looked down in shame.“We agreed…”

“No, we never agreed on anything” she contradicted him while caressing his face in a tender gesture so as not to look so stern.“You asked us not to come, and I respected that with everyone else, so I didn’t let them come with me. But you really thought I was going to stay away from you when you needed me?”

“But…”

“No buts. And don’t blame Sam, it was my decision to come, and you very well know once I made that decision he was not going to be able to stop me”

“Yeah, I know” Blaine answered, and even if he more than suspected that it had been something Sam told her that made her make that decision, he couldn’t bring himself to get mad at his boyfriend –after all, he was only trying every possible way to help him–, so he let him know with a smile.

“I should get going” Sam interrupted them, his heart about to burst with fondness and relief at Blaine’s forgiving smile –as he had been scared Blaine would never forgive him for that–. “I really needed to do a couple of errands, apart from picking my mother from the airport, that much was true” he added, walking to Blaine to lovingly kiss his cheek as a farewell, resisting the urge to help him back towards the couch because he knew Blaine wouldn’t want to look weak to Mary’s eyes. “I’m leaving you in good hands”

“Take care” Blaine said, as usual, reminding Sam how much he still loved him in spite of everything and how much he needed him to be alright.

“I will” Sam promised with a smile as he turned around for a second to wink his eye at his boyfriend. “Love you”

“Love you too”

“See you later, mom”

“Later, sweetheart” Mary answered, fondly smiling at the tender exchange between the two boys, relieved that her arrival hadn’t made a dent on their sweet relationship.

As soon as the door closed, Mary turned to the sick boy, who seemed to be struggling to stand after such a long while, even if he was trying not to show it. Sam had warned her about the very aggressive treatment Blaine was receiving because of how complicated his case was, which left him extremely weak most of the time, but Blaine had always looked so strong and healthy that she had hoped her son had exaggerated a bit due to how painful it was for him to witness it. But he hadn’t exaggerated one bit, considering Blaine seemed about to faint after only a few minutes on his feet. So without a word or a gesture to help him so as not to make him feel useless or put him into the defensive –she guessed he had been spoilt more than enough by those two–, she moved to sit on the couch and patted the spot next to her as an invitation for him to sit. After all, she had asked Sam to leave them alone for a while and she very well intended to take advantage of their time.

“So is your brother not around?” she asked, biting her bottom lip so as not to make any comment while he saw Blaine struggle to reach the couch to comply with her wishes, but in the end he was able to sit without further complication. “I was dying to see him too, it’s been so long since the last time”

“Oh, he’s taking care of the bureaucracy for me, you know, my leave on the shop, making sure they’ll keep my spot on NYADA for next year…” Blaine explained, awkwardly trying to make conversation with that woman he loved like a mother, but who now made him feel so uncomfortable with just her presence. “He’ll be gone most of the afternoon, I’m afraid, but you can see him in the evening. Because I assume you’re staying for a few days” he added, looking at the small suitcase that had been left next to the door.

“You’re assuming right” Mary answered with a smile and a pat to Blaine’s thigh. “Just until the weekend, but you’re not getting rid of your mother-in-law so easily, young man”

“No, of course not” Blaine answered, hating the fact he had made that wonderful woman that she was not welcomed. “I’m glad you’re here”

 “Then why didn’t you want me to come?” she asked, far from feeling offended because she could perfectly understand his reluctance.

“I didn’t want to be a bother. Not more than I already am” Blaine answered, breaking Mary’s heart with his answer even if she knew that was only half the truth.

“Is it that or you didn’t want us to see you like this?” Mary pointedly asked, and Blaine’s silence was answer enough. “Because well, I’m a mother of three, let’s say I have seen pretty much everything already”

“I’m sorry” Blaine muttered as he lowered his face, feeling ashamed of himself because he didn’t think Mary would understand him, but the gentle finger under his chin that forced him to raise his face again was enough to understand that Mary didn’t think less of him after his confession.

“Don’t be” Mary reassuringly answered, smiling at the boy in understanding. “I get it, Blaine. I would probably feel the same if I was in your place. But you’re like a son to me, you know? I couldn’t possibly stay away from you any longer. And I’m going to take care of you”

“You don’t have to” Blaine said, even if he knew it was not going to be of any use.

“Oh, from what I’ve heard, I do have to” she contradicted him, trying to sound sweet and stern at the same time, because she had come all the way from Kentucky to make a difference and she was surely going to make it. “What’s all that about not wanting to eat? What kind of dishes have those two being preparing that you can’t possibly even taste them?”

Blaine chuckled in spite of himself, but that was the effect Mary Evans had on him: after his own mother’s passing, Mary had become a second mother to him, even before he and Sam were together, and he couldn’t deny he was glad to have her there, even if he hadn’t liked it at first.

“Lucky you I’m here now, and I made Sam stop on our way here to buy all I need to make your favorites, all of them, so you can choose whatever feels better” she continued, pointing at the plastic bags at the entrance, laying there forgotten until then.

“I’m not hungry” Blaine protested in what was becoming kind of a mantra for him, but of course Mary was more used to dealing with childish behaviors and wasn’t going to be as understanding at the others.

“Well, then you’re going to have to make a bit of an effort” Mary answered, leaving no room for argument about how she was not going to take no for an answer, even if she was planning to make it easier for him.“I was thinking maybe something sweet? I know you’re supposed to be eating healthy and all that, but I’d rather you eat some sugar than nothing, you know? You look like you can afford to gain a few pounds anyway, aren’t you lucky? I get fatter by just looking at a cake! Lucky you, you can eat just whatever the hell you want, so just ask away”

“I’m really not hungry”

“Sweetie, don’t think you’re going to mess with me like you do with Sam and Cooper. Your beautiful puppy eyes are not going to work with me, just in case you were wondering. If I say you’re going to eat, then you’re going to eat. Any special requests?”

“Mary, please, you don’t have to do it” Blaine begged, and he suddenly seemed so broken and at the verge of tears that Mary was forced to soften her demands.

“And you don’t have to waste away just because you’re ill” she tenderly said with a caress to Blaine’s cheek that broke the last of his defenses.

“Mary…” Blaine tried to protest, but he didn’t even know what to say… he just wanted to finish the conversation because he knew he was not going to be able to hold on.

“I know you’re depressed, you have all the right to be” Mary continued, because getting him to open up, even if it was through a breakdown, was exactly what she was aiming for. “We would all be in your situation. But we love you, you know? And we’re not going to watch you waste away when we can do something about it”

“You don’t understand”

“Of course we do, Blaine. You are in pain, you feel lousy, you feel like you can’t even look at yourself in the mirror and you see so many more weeks of that ahead of you that you don’t feel strong enough to take it. But you are. You’re so strong”

“I’m not anymore” Blaine contradicted her with half a sob. “I don’t have the energy to do anything anymore”

“That’s because there’s more to it than what meets the eye, right?”

“Yes” Blaine whispered, marveled at how well Sam’s mother seemed to read his mind even if he was purposely avoiding her gaze.

“It’s September, you should be starting a new year at the school of your dreams. And Sam should finally be starting at Pratt, after all you fought to get him there. And Cooper should be going to all those auditions he left to be here with you, right? That’s a lot of shit to take”

“It’s my fault” Blaine confessed his deepest regret, furiously drying some tears he hadn’t intended to shed. “They’re destroying their dreams for me. They won’t have a future, and it will be because of me”

“But they will, honey” Mary tried to make him see, resting a reassuring hand on the back of the boy’s neck. “They’re just postponing it for a bit, it’s not a now or never kind of situation, you know. Come next September, everything will work out”

“Still…”

“Blaine, you’re so much more important to them than all that. You think they would be happier spending their time away from you, knowing you needed them, just to accomplish something they can easily do a year from now? They love you too much for that”

“I know they do” Blaine admitted with a sob, as that was precisely the problem: maybe if they didn’t love him so much they wouldn’t be throwing their futures away and he wouldn’t be feeling so guilty.

“If you know, Blaine, then you need to fight harder. I know you’re not doing it on purpose, but you’re hurting them” she honestly said, trying to ignore how much her words were hurting the boy because they needed to be said. “They’re afraid, Blaine, they had never seen you like this before and they’re terrified that they’re going to lose you”

Blaine couldn’t help it anymore and burst into tears, to which Mary quickly reacted and put her arms around him so he could bring him to her chest in a comforting embrace, knowing Blaine needed to let it all out and hadn’t done it until then for fear of hurting the two people who had pretty much given up on everything for him.

“Let it all out, sweetheart” Mary said in a reassuring and soft tone before resting a kiss on the top of Blaine’s head. “You can let it all out with me now”

“I don’t wanna hurt them” Blaine was able to say between heart-wrenching sobs, breaking Mary’s heart all along.

“I know, sweetie” she answered, acknowledging his efforts that way even if she didn’t agree with them. “That’s why you’ve been keeping it all inside, haven’t you?”

“Yes” Blaine admitted, unable to stop sobbing even if it felt good to know Mary understood him. “Sam and Cooper have enough in their hands, the last thing they need is for me to burden them with all my shit”

“But you’re hurting them more like this, even if you’re trying to protect them, don’t you see it?” Mary pointed out, even cupping Blaine’s cheeks to force him to look her in the eye to make more of an impression. “They want to help you. They can see you struggling, but they can’t help you if you don’t tell them what’s wrong, honey. Keeping it all inside is only making you drown, and it’s killing them to see it”

Blaine didn’t even try to protest this time when he realized Mary might have a point: in his efforts of trying not to burden them with his troubles, he had been keeping his feelings to himself without realizing how much that was destroying him inside, leaving him weak and without the will to fight. And having to see him like that was hurting the two people he loved the most in the world.

“You know what Sam cried about when I called him the other day? About how he wasn’t able to help you” Mary continued, seeing she was starting to crack Blaine’s stubborn resolution. “Not about how sick you were, or how much help you needed. Only about the fact that you were bottling everything inside and he could do nothing to stop it”

Blaine’s sobs intensified at the mere thought of Sam crying, and knowing he had been the one to cause it. Sam was amazing, the best man in the world, he only deserved happiness and good things happening to him, and thanks to him, he was suffering. And he couldn’t stand that.

“Sam and Cooper stayed here to take care of you, you know?” Mary continued now that Blaine seemed to be starting to understand. “And that doesn’t only mean getting your meals ready or driving you to the hospital. That means to make everything in their hands to make sure you’re okay, or as okay as you can be. And that includes your feelings, sweetheart”

“I can’t possibly tell them how I feel sometimes” Blaine lamented, and Mary knew there was more in Blaine’s anguish than just guilt.

“Maybe you can try with me?” Mary offered; if she couldn’t convince him to talk with the other boys, at least she could provide a crying shoulder herself. “I’m strong, I can take it”

Blaine’s answer came in the form of more sobbing, as if now that he had started he was unable to stop. But Mary was a stubborn woman –Sam had gotten his pigheadedness from her, apparently– and didn’t let Blaine avoid her question.

“Blaine, how do you feel?”

“I… sometimes I think I’m not going to be able to do it” Blaine confessed, his voice no more than a whisper. “And I hate myself for being such a coward, but I can’t help it”

“Of course you can, sweetie. You can do it all” she answered, trying to hold back her own tears at the obvious suffering of that boy she loved like a son. “Be sad, cry, scream your rage away, send everyone to hell every now and then. You have the right to do it. But when you’re done, dry your tears, apologize and move on. Never stop moving. We need you to fight, Blaine, like you know how to do. It’s the only way this is going to work”

“And what if…?” Blaine tried to protest, but Mary wouldn’t let him.

“Yes, you can do it, Blaine. If there is someone who can do it, that’s you, even if you can’t see it right now”

Blaine let his mother-in-law’s words sink in for a minute, trying to decide if what she was saying was true or she was only trying to make him feel better. After all, he surely didn’t feel like a fighter at the moment and he didn’t see that changing anytime soon. But Mary was not a liar: she was always honest, even a bit harsh sometimes when it was needed, so there was no reason to think she was lying to him. And if she believed in him so much…

“And if you ever feel like it’s too much, just tell Sam and Cooper, and they’ll convince you otherwise, and they’ll remind you how strong you are until you feel able to fight again” Mary added, knowing he still needed a little push to remember it was okay to need some help.

“I’m sorry I’m hurting you all” he apologized, a bit calmer, before he sat up and dried the tears still in his cheeks with his fingers.

“You don’t have to apologize” she replied with a softer expression in her face this time, drying some of the tears in his cheeks with her thumbs in a gesture so similar to Sam’s usual one that it almost hurt. “You only need to try a bit harder to stand up, and all of us will be at your side to support you and we’ll get you back on your feet whenever you lose your strength”

“I love you, Mary” Blaine said in a rush of affection, practically throwing himself at her for a proper embrace that she was happy to reciprocate.

“I love you too, son” she answered, her voice shaking as she laughed at his impetuousness. “And together we’re going to make it, ok?”

“Ok”

“And now, young man, what do you want to eat?” Mary asked, knowing Blaine wouldn’t have the heart to refuse now.

“Maybe some… chocolate cookies?” he answered with a mischievous smile.

“Right away” she answered with a hearty laugh, before kissing his cheek and standing up to start cooking before he changed his mind.

“And maybe… if it’s not too much to ask…”

“Tell me”

“Could you bake a cake for tomorrow? For a birthday party?”

Mary looked at the hopeful boy and smiled indulgently at him, incredibly happy that her words seemed to have made an impact on him and he was already trying to fight in his own way –after all, Sam had told her Blaine didn’t want to celebrate his birthday, so it was nice to know he had changed his mind.

“Of course, dear” she answered with a wink of her eye. “It’s going to be the best birthday ever”

“It is” Blaine agreed while taking his hat off, noticing the surprise on Mary’s face at his action. “It was getting too warm in here” he joked.

Mary’s heart seemed about to burst with love for that boy that trusted her so much and who didn’t seem to understand how much he deserved to be taken care of. Knowing she was not going to be able to speak without her voice breaking, she just smiled in gratitude for his gesture –which Blaine immediately reciprocated– and made her way to the kitchen to start cooking Blaine’s requests.

**********

It was a couple of hours later when Sam finally went back home. It was true that he had needed some time to run some errands –Blaine’s birthday present wasn’t going to buy itself!– but he had taken more time than necessary to give his mother a chance with Blaine, even texting Cooper to ask him to do the same. Maybe she would be able to do something, he didn’t know. Maybe Blaine would be more willing to listen or to talk to someone who was not as involved in everything, maybe they had been suffocating him even if involuntarily. Or maybe Mary would know how to deal with him better than them, given she had much more experience in taking care of people than they did. He just hoped her presence there would make a difference and Blaine wouldn’t resent him for bringing her even after he had made it clear he didn’t want Sam’s family to come. Because he was getting kind of desperate, and he didn’t think he could stand Blaine being angry at him on top of everything else.

Not knowing what he was going to find, Sam sighed to encourage himself to another session of feigned optimism and got his key in the front door of the apartment to open it.

“Hey” Sam said, trying to sound cheerful, as soon as he entered the apartment but one look at the scene in front of him, with Blaine lying asleep on the couch with his head on Mary’s lap, immediately made him lower his voice. “I was hoping to catch him awake”

“Oh, it’s easy to fall asleep with a full stomach, you know” Mary answered with a smile while her hand kept caressing Blaine’s head.

“What?” Sam asked, not daring to hope she had been able to get Blaine to eat.

“I’m exaggerating, it was just some cookies. But considering how little he had been eating until now, I guess we can call it a small victory, right?”

“You’re amazing, mom” Sam gratefully answered before bending down to kiss her cheek in admiration and gratitude.

“He just needed a bit of motherly love, that’s all” she answered, diminishing the importance of it even if she couldn’t help but to blush at the appraisal. “But he’s all yours from now on”

Sam kneeled in front of the couch, right next to his boyfriend, and his hand moved on its own accord to caress the top of Blaine’s head the way his mother had been doing –something he had been avoiding since Blaine lost his hair in case it made the latter feel awkward, and now Sam realized maybe they had been too careful with him instead of acting as normal as possible and it only had helped to magnify the whole problem.

“Sweetie?” he whispered next to his boyfriend’s ear, not wanting to scare the peaceful boy.

“Hey, Sammy” Blaine answered, a wide smile decorating his smile even before he got to open his eyes, just before he cupped the back of Sam’s neck to bring him down so he could rest a loving peck on his lips. “You made it home alright”

“Of course I did. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else” Sam tenderly answered while helping Blaine to sit up. “Do you want me to help you to bed?”

“No, I want to stay here a bit more” Blaine answered, resting his back against the backrest to make it clear he didn’t intend to go anywhere.

“You’re half asleep” Sam replied with a chuckle, but he couldn’t help but to feel hopeful and more than a little delighted that Blaine wasn’t dying to lock himself back in the bedroom for once.

“I’m not” Blaine protested, even if he had to repress a yawn to do it. “I just… I want to be with you all for a while”

Sam looked questioningly at his mother, but the latter just shrugged her shoulders and smiled.

“I don’t see why not” she answered, getting up from the couch to move to another seat. “Just take my place”

“Ok” Sam replied with a grateful smile before taking his mother’s place and sitting next to his boyfriend, where he could easily kiss his forehead in a loving gesture. “You spoilt brat, you always get what you want, don’t you?”

“Not always” Blaine enigmatically answered, looking at Mary with a knowing gaze at how she hadn’t let him get away with much since she had arrived.

“Of course not” she answered in a mockingly stern tone that Sam couldn’t understand, but didn’t ask because, whatever had happened between the two people he loved the most in the world, was between them –and it had clearly been good.

“Ok, then let’s watch some TV, shall we?” Sam suggested, switching the television on with the remote and lazily resting his other hand on Blaine’s thigh, unable as usual to be next to him without keeping some kind of physical contact with him. “Let’s see if we can find the most stupid show ever”

And they did, after a while, when they landed on a rerun of the Kardashians show nobody really cared about, but since they knew how much Sam loved watching bad TV every now and then just to comment on it and mock it and have a good laugh, the others indulged him on that and didn’t protest on his choice. And the laughter didn’t take long to appear so, all in all, it was worth it.

“I’m sorry, Sammy” Blaine whispered after a while as he took his boyfriend’s hand in his.

“There is nothing to be sorry for, babe” Sam immediately answered with the most tender smile as he brought Blaine’s hand to his lips to kiss his knuckles.

Blaine smiled back, knowing Sam didn’t need any apologies or anything else apart from seeing him trying, like he was doing at the moment. He was kind and generous like that. And Blaine felt he had never loved him more than what he did at the moment.

“I love you so much” Blaine said, his eyes shining with emotion, as he rested his forehead against Sam’s cheek for a moment in a loving gesture.

“I love you too” Sam answered with a sweet kiss to his temple and with his heart feeling lighter than it had done for weeks.

It wasn’t long before Cooper finally arrived too, silently in case Blaine was asleep, and he thought he was going to break down in tears at the obvious change in the general atmosphere since the day before, with the three of them watching TV and having a light conversation about it. Fortunately he was able to resist so he could properly greet and welcome the maker of that little miracle.

“Hey” he said, amused as the three heads turned to him in unison. “You seem to be having a good time”

“Hello, Cooper” Mary was the first one to react as she stood up to give Cooper a quick but warm embrace. “I’m so glad to see you again”

“So am I, Mary” Cooper answered, gratefully reciprocating the hug. “Thank you so much for coming”

“Of course I did”

“How are you feeling today, Squirt?” Cooper asked out of habit, though he couldn’t deny there had been an awkward tension between them for a few days and sometimes he didn’t know how to address him anymore.

“I’m feeling quite good, Coop” Blaine answered with a grateful smile, also quite aware –and guilty– of his brother’s feelings.

“I’m glad to hear that” Cooper honestly replied, happy to see his brother looking much better even if he hadn’t been involved in the change and was feeling more than slightly left out. “I’m going to…”

“Can you stay here for a while, Coop?” Blaine rushed to request, feeling horrible that he had made his brother feel like that with his attitude and wanting to put an end to it as soon as possible –after all, next to Sam, Cooper was the most important person in his life and he was incredibly grateful of everything he had done for him. “For some family time?”

“Sure” Cooper answered, his smile only getting wider at how good it felt for Blaine to request his company and how ridiculously he was patting the spot next to him to make it clear where he was expecting Cooper to sit. “But the Kardashians, really?”

“Hey, it’s a funny show!” Sam jokingly protested, hoping to lighten the mood a bit –having been a direct witness to the awkward relationship between the brothers for days.

But everything seemed to have changed now, as they all watched TV together, commenting on it and laughing stupidly about it. Blaine looked around him and couldn’t feel prouder of his little family, especially these two young men who had left everything behind to be there for him, even if it was so hard for him to accept it. But Mary was right: whether he liked it or not, they loved him to no end and they wouldn’t accept for him to try and keep them away from his troubles to protect them. And he was not a bad person for needing them.

Especially not when they were offering their help so willingly. Especially when, in trying to protect them, he was hurting them much more.

Mary was right: he had to apologize for his behavior and move on. Cooper wouldn’t probably need his apologies, as Sam had done, but Blaine needed to let him know he was aware of his behavior and intended to change it. After all, Cooper had been nothing but great to him and he owed him that –and much more.

In a rush of feelings for that older brother who had always been there for him unreservedly, Blaine trustingly let his head rest on Cooper’s shoulder with a tired but contented sigh. And the little and shaky laugh that Cooper let go and the way his head fell on top of his, showed Blaine how much Cooper appreciated the gesture –and how much he had missed him.

“Forgive me, Coop” Blaine whispered even though he knew Sam would probably hear him anyway –though he didn’t care, as he was very keen on making them a family again.

“For what?” Cooper asked, not really needing his brother to apologize but feeling the younger man needed to explain.

“For being so selfish”

“No, Blaine, you…” Cooper started, but Blaine didn’t even let him finish, because he didn’t want him to justify his behavior –he had acted wrong and he needed to fix it.

“But I’m going to fight, Coop. I promise”

He sounded so repentant but so resolute at the same time, that Cooper did the only thing he could do and embraced his brother to his chest with pride.

“And I’m going to be there to fight with you” he promised, kissing the top of Blaine’s head.

“I know” Blaine answered, trying hard not to cry at how loved he felt at the moment, especially when he felt Sam’s hand tenderly caressing his back. “I’ve missed you, big bro”

“Not as much as I’ve missed you, little bro” Cooper answered, even breaking the embrace to look intently at his eyes to make more of an impression. “Don’t ever push me away again”

“I won’t” Blaine answered as he rested his head on his brother’s shoulder and took Sam’s hand in his to rest them on his lap and entwine their fingers together.

And the tears Mary had been trying to hold for the whole afternoon finally made their way silently down her cheeks in the semi-darkness of the room, a mixture of impotence at the unfairness of the situation and the pain it brought, and pride at those three young and courageous men that were able to overcome any obstacle as long as they did it together.

**********

Sam came back home from work the next day with a renewed hope. Blaine had been more receptive that morning even if it was his birthday and Sam knew it was kind of an issue for him –Blaine’s words about it possibly being the last one still plagued Sam’s dreams sometimes–, and he had gotten up to have breakfast with the family. And okay, he hadn’t eaten more than half a toast, but considering he had refused to have breakfast until then, Sam considered a success. He had even happily accepted their congratulations and then he had walked Sam to the door when he had to leave for work and kissed him goodbye with a smile. So yeah, things were surely starting to look brighter!

Sam heard the noise even before he opened the door: who the hell was in the apartment? It was impossible that only Blaine, Cooper and Mary could make such a rumble, right? There was even music on! What was happening? Desperately needing to know the truth, Sam opened the door as quickly as he could. And his mouth fell comically open at what he saw.

And that was a party! A birthday party, considering all the balloons and banners and decorations that had been hung around the place. But that was not what surprised him the most, but the fact that all their friends were there. For the first time since the chemo started, Blaine had allowed somebody apart from Cooper and him to visit him, and not only that: he seemed quite comfortable amongst them, as he sat on the sofa with Tina and Sebastian at each side of him, Artie in front of them, as the others danced or talked around the living room.

“What is going on here?” Sam asked, making everybody jump as they hadn’t heard him arriving.

“Oh, shit, surprise!” Blaine suddenly yelled in such a clumsy way that everybody burst into laughter at it. “Damn it, guys, we didn’t get it right!”

“Blaine, come on, it’s _your_ birthday, we told you we were not going to yell surprise at Sam!” Puck explained as he moved to give Sam a quick embrace.

“What’s this?” Sam insisted after greeting all of his friends even if he only had eyes for Blaine, especially when his boyfriend stood up and shakily walked to him to fall in his embrace.

“That, my love, it’s my birthday party” Blaine explained, breaking the embrace but not moving from Sam’s arms to join their lips in a quick but meaningful kiss. “What a lousy boyfriend you are, by the way, considering I had to organize my own surprise party…”

“But you said…” Sam tried to justify himself, even if he very well knew Blaine was not really reproaching him for anything.

“And since when do you do what you’re told, huh?” Blaine joked, his face brightening with happiness at Sam’s delighted expression at his effort.

“Happy birthday, babe” Sam said, putting an end to their ‘discussion’ with another kiss to Blaine’s lips before he noticed the latter was starting to get tired and accompanied to the couch again.

Sebastian smiled at he got to watch the couple interacting happily with each other. Those were the days when Blaine would long for the blond, sighing every time his name was mentioned, never wanting to meet new boys whenever he relented to go out with Sebastian without giving him a reason… until Sebastian understood Blaine was totally in love with his best friend. And he had had to push Blaine to make a move so much that in the end he had to threaten him to tell Sam himself if he didn’t do it soon –after all, Blaine might be oblivious, but it was quite obvious how in love Sam was too. And the rest was history, of course, and a day didn’t go by in which Sebastian didn’t feel a rush of pride about having contributed to something that was so obviously perfect.

Or had been until then, he remembered with a sigh. Trust damn life to ruin the most perfect thing those two had ever had. Or not ruined, judging by how tenderly Sam was throwing the couch blanket around Blaine’s shoulders again and the way Blaine was smiling at him, but it had made it all the more difficult. He just hoped… he didn’t even want to think about it.

He almost couldn’t believe it when Blaine had called him that morning to invite him to his birthday party. It’s not like they hadn’t talked, of course, but it had been weeks since Blaine had let his friends see him. Because yeah, he used the excuse he was feeling too poorly for socializing, but Sebastian knew him better than that. And it was not as if he couldn’t blame him: he had had to fight very hard not to gasp at Blaine’s appearance when he first saw him, as he knew all of them had. But Blaine seemed… he didn’t even know how to describe him. Like the shadow of what he used to be. Of course the woolen hat covering his head to hide his hairless head was just the beginning. He had lost so much weight that his face was gaunt, and those characteristic strong arms of him were now skinny and weak. In fact, he didn’t seem to have any strength left. But of course, his stubbornness remained intact, and he had been the one to open the door for them and had greeted them one by one, accepting their awkward hugs and keeping a smile on his face until the initial shock seemed to pass.

And it had passed, indeed. Of course after a couple of minutes with him, ill or not, he was just their friend again, that funny and sweet and wonderful friend, and they had talked and joked and laughed for a long time while waiting for Sam. Gosh, he had missed him so much he hadn’t moved from his side until Sam arrived, even if damned Tina had done the same –poor girl, she had probably missed him just as much–. And Blaine seemed to have missed him too, since he had welcomed his presence at his side with a willing smile. And Sebastian promised himself he was not going to allow him to keep him at a distance anymore, whatever it took.

“I won’t keep you away anymore. Not you” Blaine whispered to him when Sam turned to talk to Mike. “I’ve learnt my lesson”

“How do you…?” Sebastian asked, marveled and wondering, not for the first time if Blaine could read minds.

“Your expression was getting so intense it was easy to see what you were thinking” Blaine replied with that sweet and trademark smile that felt so familiar to Sebastian even over his different appearance.

“I’m keeping you to that promise” Sebastian said while roughly taking Blaine in his arms, much more strongly than he had done a while before.

“Good” Blaine answered, reciprocating the embrace with more strength than anybody would have given him credit for.

“Hey, right in front of my nose!” Sam practically yelled, feigning to be deeply annoyed at his boyfriend’s demonstrations of affection with Sebastian, thought the truth was he couldn’t be happier about the fact that Blaine was opening himself to people again –especially his dear friend, whom he knew he had missed quite a lot.

“You have him all the time, just let me enjoy him for a minute” Sebastian retorted with a chuckle, thinking his heart was going to melt when Blaine openly laughed at their absurd conversation.

The party went on, not as noisily as it would have surely done in other circumstances, but happily enough. Mary hadn’t just baked a cake but prepared a lot of food for all tastes, making sure to include Blaine’s adored chocolate cookies in case he felt like eating some, and Cooper took charge of the music and general entertainment.

Even if Blaine had asked them not to worry about having to buy him anything at such a short notice, everybody had managed to bring a gift for him. Of course what he didn’t know is that Cooper had talked with each of them asking not to get him anything he could only use when he recovered, because he knew Blaine didn’t like to think about that –even if he wanted to be optimistic, he couldn’t forget there was a chance he wouldn’t make it and talking about ‘when you’re well’ always reminded him of that–, and they had all had the best ideas for things he could use while his convalescence: books, movies, CDs, a couple of woolen hats, slippers, a beautiful pajama and Sebastian had even gone as far as to buy him a tablet to keep him entertained, refusing to return it to the store even when Blaine claimed it was too much. But Blaine was his best friend and he was ill, nobody was going to take the prerogative of spoiling him as much as he wanted from him.

Of course the presents Blaine was looking forward the most was his boyfriend’s, even if he didn’t want to admit it.

“It’s my turn now, I guess” Sam said, and Blaine thought he couldn’t look more adorable than he did at the moment, blushing as he was at all the attention. “Well, I wasn’t expecting such a big audience for them”

“You can give them to me later, love” Blaine took pity on him, even if he was dying to see them if they got Sam so embarrassed.

“No, the hell he can, we want to see them!” Puck intervened, eliciting more than a few laughs around, and Sam knew there was no way out of it.

“Ok, so here we go” Sam said as he gave Blaine three envelopes.

“That’s it?” Sebastian joked. “Papers? What a miserable boyfriend you are!”

“Shut up” Sam protested, half laughing, half wanting the ground to swallow him. “Open this one first”

“What is it?” Blaine asked as he obeyed as he looked at the ticket in his hand.

“Well, I thought you could use a bit of relaxing and spoiling, so it’s a ticket for a spa circuit and a relaxing massage. And I know what you’re going to say” Sam stopped him as soon as he saw Blaine about to protest, “but it’s an experience for couples, there is no one else there, just us. ‘Cause I’m obviously going with you, don’t even think you’re losing sight of me”

Blaine smiled as he let himself be convinced. He knew Sam had thought about everything, and he couldn’t deny the idea of being pampered and relaxed next to the person he loved –and no one else– sounded pretty appealing.

“I can’t wait for it, Sammy” Blaine answered with a grateful smile and a peck to Sam’s lips.

“Don’t fall in the trap, Blainey, I think he just wants to score” Puck joked again.

“Oh, maybe he will” Blaine retorted sarcastically, eliciting laughs and naughty whistles in equal shares.

“That’s my boy” Sam praised him with a laugh and a mocking face towards Puck. “Ok, that’s next”

Blaine smiled at the next envelope, much bigger than the other one and also heavier, and opened to extract what seemed to be a poster. A digital collage of… pictures and drawings Sam had done himself of him.

“I wanted to have it framed, but I didn’t have the time” Sam excused himself, more to have something to say than anything else, but Blaine was so impressed at what he was seeing that he didn’t even answered.

Because yes, the main subject of the collage was him. But Sam had titled it as “What happiness is about” and it was made of pictures of him or of both of them in happy moments they had shared. And of those moments they didn’t have a picture, Sam had drawn the scene himself with that wonderful talent of his that had forced Blaine to convince him to give Pratt a try. But what moved Blaine the most was that he had included scenes of the last few weeks also, as if to remind him that he was happy next to him even in their current circumstances. Pictures of Blaine simply sleeping with his head on Sam’s chest, or them cuddling together to watch a movie… moved Blaine more than any words could have done.

“Sammy…” he said, but he couldn’t possibly find any words to describe what he was feeling at the moment.

“You make me happy every day of our lives, Blaine” Sam reminded him with a caress to his cheek. “Which explains the third gift”

Blaine didn’t know if he could deal with more emotions without breaking down but… so what if he did? Those were his family and friends, the people who cared about him the most in the world. He didn’t need to be ashamed around them, and he knew they would understand. So with a heavy sigh, he picked the third envelope from Sam’s hands and opened it. But in it seemed to be… a contract?

“This is the rental contract of my apartment” Sam explained when Blaine turned to look quizzically at him. “Well, not really, it’s more the annulment of the contract. And it’s already signed and everything so… now you can’t get rid of me, you know? I’m here to stay”

It was not that Blaine didn’t know that Sam had given all of him to their relationship –he very well knew how much he had invested–. But to hear him say it, in a moment like that and after everything they were going through, and sounding so confident and sure of his decision… Blaine didn’t know what he had done to deserve someone like Sam to love him like he did, but he didn’t care: he was going to enjoy it.

Not trusting his voice, Blaine decided to answer with actions instead of words and practically jumped in Sam’s arms, enveloping him in a bear embrace with a sob that he tried to hide as he buried his face on Sam’s neck. But of course Sam knew better, he could see how moved he was, so he just closed his arms around his fragile form and tried to make him feel all the love he felt for him.

This time no one dared to joke or even to say anything, respectful of the moment and the sentiment behind those boys’ actions. Not that they could find any words to say, anyway, moved as they were themselves –and Cooper even needed to excuse himself for a moment, suddenly claiming he needed to use the bathroom.

Seeing as Blaine and Sam still needed a moment, the others dispersed around the room again and tried to entice in other conversations, and it wasn’t until a long moment that the boys were finally able to separate from each other.

“Let’s dance” Blaine suggested after a second, smiling when Sam’s thumbs moved irremediably to dry the tears in his cheeks.

“You sure you’re up to it?” Sam asked, instantly worried, as usual.

“Sure, if you help me” Blaine pleaded, even offering his hand for Sam to take. And in the end, of course, Sam couldn’t do anything else than cave in and took Blaine’s hands in his to help him stand.

They moved to the center of the living room and Sam immediately closed his arms around Blaine’s waist, both to hold him to dance and to help him stand when his forces would inevitably diminish. But Blaine seemed very keen on having a slow and romantic dance with him, so he put his arms around Sam’s neck and looked adoringly at him while he started rocking their bodies together.

“You look so beautiful tonight” Sam couldn’t help himself from saying after a couple of minutes of just staring at Blaine’s eyes and face.

“Sam…” Blaine protested, looking down and feeling very self-conscious all of a sudden, but Sam made him lift his face again with a finger under his chin.

“You’ve never looked more beautiful than you do in this moment” Sam insisted, honestly, looking at Blaine’s eyes until they sparkled again. “I’m so proud of you right now”

“I’ve been so proud of you this whole time…” Blaine corrected him, marveling at how much Sam had matured over the last few weeks and how he would never trust anyone with his life as he did with Sam.

“Thank you” Sam said, and both of them knew he was referring to the party –and to allowing more people into their lives again–. “I know it was a lot of effort, and I know you did it for me”

“Don’t be so self-centered, I did it for Cooper, really, so he could have some fun” Blaine joked as they both turned to look at Cooper, who had recovered now and was making a fool of himself trying to entertain some of his brother’s friends.

“Yeah, sure” Sam sarcastically answered, not believing him for a moment.

“I just wanted to see you smile like you really mean it again” Blaine explained, acknowledging the fact that he knew Sam had been trying to sound cheerful and positive for his sake, even if he was feeling like he was dying inside. “I’ve got so much to thank you for”

“You don’t have to thank me for anything” Sam immediately refused the appraisal, just as Blaine knew he was going to. “Just… keep fighting and that’s enough for me”

“I will” Blaine promised before giving a long kiss to Sam’s waiting lips. “I love you”

“I love you too”

And even if he was becoming too tired, Blaine didn’t want that moment to end, so he just rested his head on Sam’s shoulder and let him support half his weight, which Sam did willingly because he also wanted to prolong it as long as possible. And they had to chuckle in amusement when both of them sighed at the same time, feeling more content and peaceful than they had done in a long time.


	7. October

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I bet you thought I would never go back to this one, huh? Well, it wasn't easy after my RL current experience on the matter, but here I am! Hope you enjoy it!
> 
> I also wanted to say that coming back to this story has NOTHING to do with a very rude "review" I got demanding for me to finish my other stories. I was already going to go back to this one, and comments like that, from people who believe I owe them something, are not appreciated. I know I've been writing very slowly and erratically lately, but I've been busy taking care of my own health, both physically and mentally, and other very important issues regarding my family. Not to mention the lack of inspiration and feedback I've been having lately. So yeah, forgive me for not entertaining you enough.
> 
> Wow, I didn't want to be so blunt, but I guess I needed to say it. Sorry to those of you who have supported me so much, and now please enjoy another long chapter!

Sam hated the morning shift: clients were always ruder in the morning and it took a bigger effort not to jump on them because he was just as sleepy. Plus working in the morning meant he didn’t get to do the morning ritual he always had with Blaine when he worked later on the day: Sam would always wake him up with a kiss –as Blaine slept much more nowadays than he used to before the illness–, they would stay in bed for a while just talking and enjoying being on each other’s arms, then they would shower together –with the excuse that this way Sam could help Blaine if it was necessary–, then they would have breakfast with Cooper and then either they would watch TV, or read together, or listen to music… unless they had to go to the hospital for a chemo session, to which Sam preferred to take him himself.

As it was happening that day, except that Sam was at work so it was Cooper accompanying him to the hospital. Which didn’t worry Sam at all, because he knew Cooper took care of his little brother almost as if he was his son instead –and Sam would never be grateful enough for the help the older man provided in every aspect–. But… he liked to take Blaine there himself, if only to spend more time with him. And because he needed to be a part of everything happening to him.

It was amazing the change Blaine had made in the last few weeks, since Mary’s visit. At the woman’s encouragement, Blaine had finally been able to explain how his attitude came from the fact that he was feeling so guilty about putting everyone’s life at stake, apart from feeling weak and too self conscious about how he looked like. All in all, he was aware he hadn’t been handling all those negative emotions too well, but hadn’t said anything because he didn’t want to burden them with those on top of everything. Of course Sam and Cooper had immediately given him the same arguments Mary had, that they weren’t there for him only for the physical aspects of his illness and that he needed to confide his worries to them so he wouldn’t keep it all inside and make it all the more difficult. And in the end they had been able to convince him, Sam remembered with a sad smile. Because hearing Blaine cry for hours that night, in the darkness and the quietness of their room as he voiced his deepest thoughts and fears, surely hadn’t been easy.

But it had been worth it. As soon as he let it all out, Blaine started acting differently, assuming his illness and understanding it was only temporary, accepting everyone’s help gladly when it was needed and balancing it with his independent nature when he was able. He didn’t care about his appearance so much these days, even if he still got sad sometimes when looking at the mirror, and he was starting to enjoy being around people again, which meant that Sebastian or Tina were often at their apartment keeping him some company and keeping him updated on the outside world.

The Blaine Sam loved so much was slowly coming back: positive, cheerful, dork, funny. It was as if physically he was so different –except for those eyes Sam loved so much, those shinny enormous golden orbs of his through which you could read Blaine’s soul–, so skinny and weak, not to mention the lack of hair but, deep down, he was back to his old self. And Sam couldn’t be prouder of him for his strength.

He was interrupted from his thoughts by the vibration on his pocket that indicated that he was getting a call. Normally his boss didn’t like them answering calls when working, but Sam had explained the whole situation to him from the beginning and Nigel knew Sam needed to be easy to find in case something happened. Which he hoped it wasn’t the case, he thought as he hurried to take his phone out of his pocket and his heart accelerated when he discovered it was his brother-in-law calling.

“Hey” Sam said with uncertainty after sliding the green button to the right.

“Hi, Sam” Cooper answered –and at least his voice didn’t sound too upset, so that had to be a good sign even if Sam couldn’t imagine why he was calling him in the middle of a shift if it wasn’t serious.

“How did the session go?” Sam asked, desperately hoping for a positive answer.

“Er… that’s why I was calling you…” Cooper hesitantly answered, immediately making all the alarms go in Sam’s head. “We didn’t do it”

“What? Why? Is Blaine ok?” Sam asked, and the panic was so evident in his voice that Cooper had to rush to calm him down –even if he knew it was not going to be easy with the next bit of information.

“Yes, he’s okay, but… they’re going to keep him in the hospital for a couple of days or so”

“But what’s wrong, why?” Sam asked again, desperate to understand. “He was okay when I left, he even woke up to kiss me goodbye!”

“Sam, take it easy” Cooper reassured him with a calm and low voice, trying to keep him from panicking. “I swear to you he’s okay, it’s just for precaution because he is low on defenses”

“And is that serious?”

“Not if they take care of it. So he asked me to tell you not to worry, that he’s okay and that he will be until the end of your shift”

“No way” Sam retorted with a humorless snort while already taking off his apron. “I’m going there now”

“Sam…” Cooper tried to stop him, even if he knew it was to no avail.

“I’ll see you in no minutes” Sam interrupted him, not even giving him the chance, and then he hung up with no more words.

**********

Sam knew he was being an idiot practically running since he left the underground, but he couldn’t help it: he needed to get to Blaine and see for himself that he was alright and that Cooper was not lying to keep him from worrying.

He was so nervous that he didn’t even remember the number of the room Cooper had texted him to let him know where they were, so he had to check his phone again and, in the meantime, Cooper appeared from behind a door.

“Hey” Sam said in a rush as he reached him.

But one better look at his brother-in-law and it was all Sam could do not to start crying right there at the fear he was experiencing: Cooper was wearing some kind of plastic bags above his own clothes, his hands hidden under gloves and a mask covering his nose and mouth. What the hell was happening, for Cooper to need to dress like that? His heart feeling like he was going to have a heart attack, Sam took a deep breath and moved to open the door that Cooper had closed behind him.

“Sam, wait” Cooper stopped him, even physically resting a hand to his chest to make sure he was going to stay put.

“Cooper, what the hell is happening?” Sam asked when he tried to move again and Cooper moved in front of him to block his way, frightening him all the more. “Is he…?”

“He is okay, relax” Cooper answered in a reassuring tone as his hand moved to Sam’s shoulder to gently massage it for some comfort. “As I told you over the phone, he is just too low on defenses because of the chemo, but he will be alright”

“Then why are you stopping me?”

“Because you need to wear this before you can go in” Cooper calmly answered as he pointed at a little trolley next to the door he hadn’t noticed until now, full of those same protective clothes Cooper was wearing.

Which only helped to scare Sam even more.

“Cooper, tell me the truth, please” Sam implored, and there was so much fear in his eyes and his voice that Cooper’s heart went to him.

“Sam, he is exactly the same as he was this morning” Cooper explained, even shaking Sam slightly through the grip in his shoulder to make him react. “They just took a sample of his blood, as usual, and discovered his defenses are too low, so they need to keep him under control and isolated for a couple of days until his body stabilizes, that’s all”

“Are you sure?” Sam desperately asked, still not convinced even when Cooper nodded his head at him. “You’re not lying to me so I don’t worry, right?”

“No, Sam, I swear. I know it’s scary and very uncomfortable but you need to wear this so you can’t pass anything on him while he can’t fight it, that’s all, it’s such a daily procedure in cases like this” Cooper explained, already grabbing what was needed so he could help Sam put it on. “And come on, get dressed already, he’s been dying to see you”

“Ok, whatever he needs” Sam answered, hurrying to get ready at hearing that his boyfriend needed him.

It only took them a minute to get Sam ready and then he breathed deeply a couple of times before entering the room, trying to calm his nerves down so Blaine wouldn’t worry. And then it was as if he had never been scared at all, turning the doorknob with firmness and entering the room without hesitation.

“Hey, you” Sam whispered when he entered the room, just in case Blaine was asleep, but it was clear he was awake by the way his face illuminated at his presence.

“Hey, yourself” Blaine answered in his most loving tone, obviously very happy to see him, especially when Sam picked his hand to kiss it, even from behind the mask. “I’m sorry I scared you, I swear to you I’m fine, it’s just…”

“Cooper explained everything to me, don’t worry” Sam quickly appeased him, because even if it was true that he had been really scared for a while, that was hardly Blaine’s fault, was it?. “And please, don’t apologize, I don’t think it was exactly your decision to stay here, was it?”

“No” Blaine chuckled sadly. “I’m hating it already and I’ve been here for like an hour”

“Well, you’re going to have to be patient” Cooper intervened, having entered again just behind his brother-in-law. “The doctors said you are going to stay here at least for a couple of days”

“I know” Blaine replied with a sigh, obviously not thrilled about the idea, to which Sam comfortingly caressed the back of his neck. “Gosh, it’s going to be long”

“Don’t worry, I’ll bring you the tablet Sebastian gave you for your birthday and anything you want to keep you entertained” Cooper intervened, almost as keen in spoiling his little brother as Sam himself.

“Thanks, Coop”

“In fact, now that Sam is here I’m going to go home and get a bag ready with your pajamas and all that stuff, shall we? I guess you’d rather Sam stays”

“Well…” Blaine said in a joking tone, knowing his brother would understand.

“I was fearing that” Cooper added with a dramatic sigh, to let the other two know he was far from offended. “I’ll be back soon, don’t be too naughty”

“Thanks, Coop” Sam honestly answered, always amazed at how much Cooper respected his position as Blaine’s partner, even if he probably would like to remain at Blaine’s side himself.

They watched as the oldest Anderson brother made it out of the room, and then Sam turned to Blaine again, smiling lovingly at him even if his mouth was covered by the damned mask, but Blaine knew him so well he could easily guess his expression –and the worry behind it.

“You okay?” Blaine asked, as Sam was not the only one who worried about his boyfriend at all times, while he picked Sam’s hand between both if his and started playing with his fingers.

“I will be once my heart stops racing” Sam admitted, only half joking, while this time it was Blaine the one to kiss his hand –of which he was very grateful, because he suddenly had a deep need of physical contact with his lover–. “Do you think I can sit with you?”

“Well, you’re wearing those awful plastic things, I think we are safe” Blaine answered, and even if he was joking, Sam could see he was dying to do it as much as he was, so he hurried to comply.

“Ok then, make me some room”

Blaine smiled widely at him and then gladly obeyed, sliding almost to the edge of the bed so as to leave enough room for the person he loved the most in the world. Sam sat with such force that he almost made Blaine fall of the bed, but he compensated him with throwing one arm around him in a half embrace and resting a loving kiss on his forehead, the mask covering his mouth not obstacle enough.

“This is so much better” Sam said with a contented sigh, squeezing Blaine more strongly to his side to reassure himself that he was alright, after the initial fright.

“I agree” Blaine answered also sighing at the comfort his boyfriend always provided –because he was not going to admit it, but it was kind of upsetting to have to stay at the hospital, wasn’t it? –. “Were you very scared?”

“Cooper called me to say you were being admitted in the hospital, what do you think?”

“I told him to wait until the end of your shift, but he wouldn’t listen”

“Oh, he better doesn’t” Sam answered, more seriously, leaving no room for doubt about how they were supposed to proceed whenever something happened. “If you two hadn’t informed me until then I would have been very angry on top of scared”

“But I’m ok, nothing happened so there was really no rush”

“I don’t care, Blaine, I need to be here with you”

There was so much intensity in Sam’s voice that Blaine understood what was really happening: it didn’t matter that nothing had really happened, the fact that Blaine had been admitted to the hospital had shaken him more than he cared to admit. Because that morning, when he left for work, everything was alright, it was just a normal day, and now they were in the hospital. And even if it was nothing too serious… they all knew the next time may not be that simple. And that thought terrified Sam to the core, Blaine knew that much.

“I love you” Blaine felt forced to remind him, knowing that giving Sam his love was the only thing he could do for him right then, and by the way the blond’s face brightened at that, Blaine knew he had done right.

“I love you too” Sam answered with a kiss to Blaine’s hand –as the damned mask kept him from really kissing him, which he really needed to do. “Gosh, I so wanna kiss you”

“Well, you can’t” Blaine replied with a chuckle, understanding the feeling very well.

“Well, we better get comfortable at least, shall we?” Sam continued –trying hard to lighten the mood in the room so as not to burden Blaine with his fears on top of everything else he had to go through.

Sam let his back rest on the pull-down bed to make himself comfortable and immediately brought Blaine down with him –eliciting a happy chuckle from the content boy– to make him rest on his chest.

“Now that is what happiness is about” Sam mentioned in a playful tone as one hand immediately moved to Blaine’s head to caress his bandana-covered scalp in a familiar gesture and the other one picked the remote from the bedside table and switched on the TV.

They kept a light conversation while they switched through the channels, full of jokes and laughter, until Cooper came back, never moving from each other’s arms where they felt so comfortable and secure. And of course Cooper immediately joined the party, grabbing a chair to sit next to them and adding a lot of his trademark sarcastic comments to the conversation. Between the three of them they created a funny and comfortable atmosphere in which they felt safe and loved, and probably no one from the outside would be able to decipher what was really going on. And Blaine couldn’t be more grateful for those wonderful men that had decided to put everything aside for him in those moments of need.

**********

Of course there was no way to convince Sam to go home for the night, even if Blaine was pretty much alright and Sam was not allowed to sleep with him and would have to spend the night in a chair. But still he stayed, his heart breaking at the thought of Blaine having to be alone in that damned hospital room –and he knew Blaine was more upset about it than he was letting on, and the way his face brightened when Sam asked them to stop insisting to get rid of him was enough for the blond to know that he was doing alright, and that Blaine appreciated his presence there even if he was trying to send him home for his own good.

Of course Sam hadn’t counted on how astute Cooper could be sometimes and, in the morning, when Sam refused again to go home even if only for a bit to get some rest, Cooper texted Sebastian to let him know they were at the hospital. And since there could only be two visitors at once on the room, when Sebastian arrived Cooper argued Sam had had the privilege to be there all night and now it was his turn. So Sam was sent home that way with the funny feeling he had been owned.

They kept the same routine for three days and, even if they could see Blaine was starting to feel caged –the poor boy couldn’t even leave the room thanks to his imposed isolation–, he never complained and kept a good mood all through it, of which the others couldn’t be prouder. But even then, he couldn’t wait to be released.

On the fourth night Cooper had thrown an ultimatum and had decided that he was going to stay for the night with his brother, because he could clearly see how Sam’s back was starting to protest at the poor treatment it was receiving by how he couldn’t sit still or how weirdly he walked for a while immediately after standing up. Even Blaine had threatened him to stop talking to him if he didn’t leave, so in the end he was forced to go –even if he didn’t want to admit that sleeping in a bed for a change sounded reaaaaaally tempting.

So the next morning he hurried to the hospital, as he had missed Blaine like crazy during the night –and come on, who could blame him, they hadn’t slept away from each other since everything started, he was too used to the smaller boy’s weight on his chest or his warmth at his side–. And it killed him not to be able to kiss him good morning, at least. But he was hoping their situation would change soon, so he contented with kissing his cheek through his mask. Even if he hated it.

And after a while, and after Cooper had gone home to sleep, Blaine asked to at least being allowed to a chair, and of course Sam couldn’t resist any longer, after how much of a model patient he had been.

“Come on, love” he said, as he helped Blaine on his feet. After all, he was weak, and all the lying down hadn’t helped. “Are you dizzy?”

“Not at all” Blaine answered good-naturedly as Sam helped him to the chair –and if he was leaning on the blond too much just to feel his sturdy chest, he wasn’t going to say it.

“Ok, but you’re staying put there, you hear me?” Sam said, mockingly stern, even pointing his finger at Blaine’s face for better measure.

“I hear you” Blaine answered with a chuckle, before turning serious again when Sam drove his hand to his lower back and flinched. “Is your back hurting still, honey?”

“Just a bit” Sam honestly answered, not wanting Blaine to worry about him. “Sleeping in our bed did wonders for me, though”

“If you weren’t so damned stubborn you could have slept on a bed from the beginning”

“If you weren’t so damned pretty I would have gone home from the beginning” Sam answered, imitating his voice in a too-high pitch.

“I don’t sound like that” Blaine complained with a feigned pout. “And don’t call me pretty”

“Then don’t be” Sam cockily answered as he moved to lie down on the bed himself now that it was empty. “Hey, this isn’t so bad”

But Blaine never had the chance to answer before the door opened slightly and his best friend’s head appeared tentatively behind it.

“Hello?” Sebastian, always the cautious, whispered.

“Hi, Seb” Blaine greeted him cheerfully from his seat. “Come in, buddy”

Sebastian’s face broke into a wide smile at Blaine’s enthusiasm, as nothing made him happier those days than to see his friend in good spirits –especially when he was staying at the hospital, and he didn’t want to remember the panic he had felt when Cooper had texted him a couple of days ago to tell him that–. So instead he focused on his smiling friend, and rushed inside the room to see him as soon as possible and rest a friendly kiss on his cheek.

“Hey, no kisses for me?” Sam playfully pouted, making the other two laugh.

“You get your own friends to kiss you” Sebastian joked before turning to Blaine again. “Hey, you’re sitting up!” Sebastian happily exclaimed while he saw his friend sitting on one of the chairs of the room, while his boyfriend was lazily lying on the bed.

“Yeah, Sam just took away the bed from me” Blaine jokingly replied, laughing slightly at the mockingly outraged expression on his boyfriend at his words.

“What?” Sam exclaimed. “That is so not true!”

“Yeah, I can totally picture Sam of all people throwing you out of the bed to lie down himself” Sebastian answered, only half joking, as by then he had been a witness more than a couple of times of how Sam always went out of his way to take care of Blaine, especially since the illness began.

“Ok, I asked if I could sit up for a bit and he, being the angel that he is, helped me to the chair” Blaine explained, looking lovingly at his boyfriend as if silently apologizing, even if everyone knew he had been only joking. “But the fact that he still took possession of my bed is still true, you can see it yourself, Seb”

“Alright, I admit that, I was feeling a little lazy” Sam answered as he sat up on the bed to be a good host. “Seb, sit down, you’re not going to get any taller”

“Gosh, I really hope so!” Sebastian answered before he sat down on the other chair, next to his friend. “You’re looking so much better”

“Yeah, I know, I even got some color back so I don’t look so translucent, didn’t I?” Blaine joked, and Sebastian marveled at how much Blaine’s attitude towards his own appearance had improved in the last weeks. He still wore a woolen had or a bandana to cover his hairless head but, apart from that, he had stopped being ashamed of himself.

“No, you look as cute as ever”

“Hey, I’m sitting right here, you know?” Sam intervened, jokingly protesting.

“Don’t be jealous, Sam, you look cute with your hair all ruffled too”

“I was not jealous about that!” Sam protested, flattening his hair with his hands and trying to ignore how the other two were laughing at him.

The conversation was interrupted with a soft knock on the door. Knowing sometimes the nurses only wanted to give them something and it was quite a bother having to dress with the precaution clothes, Sam left the bed and rushed to open the door himself.

“Can I come in?” Blaine’s oncologist asked as soon as Sam opened the door.

“Sure, of course” Sam answered in a cheerful tone, because he really really liked Blaine’s doctor and the way he always took care of him and encouraged him to fight even harder –while being very understanding of his suffering.

“Hey, Blaine” the doctor quickly greeted his favorite patient once inside the room, glad to see him in such high spirits.

“Hi, doctor” Blaine responded with a kind smile.

“Well, I was going to ask how are you, but I can see you’re doing well”

“Well, the company helps” Blaine answered, looking alternatively at both Sam and Sebastian with the most loving smile in his lips.

“I can see that” the doctor acknowledged before turning to Sebastian to offer his hand to him. “I don’t think I’ve met you before”

“I’m Sebastian” he politely rushed to shake hands with him, as Blaine had talked wonders about his doctor.

“He’s an amazing friend” Blaine explained, looking fondly at him until Sebastian almost blushed with the appraisal. “And he has been a great support all this time”

“Well, then I think you’re quite a lucky guy, after all”

“Don’t I know that?” Blaine answered with a smile, perfectly aware of how perfect his support system was and how loved he was by the people being a part of it.

“Hey, you’re not wearing these awful things!” Sam exclaimed all of a sudden, went it dawned on him that the doctor wasn’t wearing the plastic clothes. “Please, doc, tell us we can get rid of these awful things already, I desperately need to kiss my boyfriend” Sam continued, having been around the doctor enough to know it was safe for him to joke like that. “I mean, have you seen how pretty he is?”

“I just told you not to call me pretty” Blaine retorted, eliciting for everyone to laugh at his expanse.

“Well, you are” Sam insisted while crouching next to Blaine’s chair and playfully batting his eyelashes at his boyfriend until Blaine playfully pushed Sam’s face away from his.

“In that case I won’t keep you waiting any longer, you can get rid of them now” the doctor answered, happy to deliver the good news.

“Really?”

“Yeah, Blaine’s defenses have stabilized enough, so yeah, throw them on the nearest bin”

“Just one thing first” Sam said before he pulled the mask from his face and gave Blaine the most loving kiss ever, making him laugh against his lips with his impetuosity. “Ok, I can take them off now”

Blaine laughed wholeheartedly at his crazy boyfriend once he recovered his breath as he and Sebastian gladly got rid of those plastic horrible clothes. And he didn’t even have the time to protest before Sam was manhandling him into a standing position just so he could take the chair instead and then pulled him on his lap with a shameless grin.

“Sam…” Blaine whispered his reprimand, even if Sam was already ignoring it and closing his arms around Blaine’s waist, because no matter how cool his doctor was, it was still kind of inappropriate.

Although the doctor didn’t seem to mind at all and stood completely unfazed in front of them.

“Blaine, we’re going to do a CT scan. I know we had one scheduled for next week, but since you’re here…”

“Is everything alright?” Sam asked, the playfulness of a moment ago already gone from his voice even if he was trying not to sound too worried.

“Sure, but you know we need to check how everything is going” the doctor quickly reassured him. “It makes sense to do it now instead of making you come another day”

“Of course” Blaine agreed immediately just to avoid another visit to the hospital, and turned to Sam to make sure his boyfriend understood. “It’s ok, love”

“Of course it is” Sam finally agreed with a smile that didn’t really reach his eyes and another long kiss to Blaine’s desirable lips.

“There is a wheelchair waiting for you just outside, you’ll have the honor of being driven there by your doctor himself!” the doctor joked, motioning with his hands for Blaine to follow him.

“I can walk” Blaine protested, more as a habit than anything else, even if Sam had to help him stand.

“Hospital rules” the doctor reminded him, even if he liked the stubbornness on his patient.

“Come on, don’t be a spoilt kid and do as you’re told for once” Sam joked as he held him while they walked outside the room for the first time in four days and practically plopped him into the wheelchair himself.

“I’ll be back in a second” Blaine said, wanting to reassure his boyfriend, before he grabbed the front of his t-shirt to make him bend over so he could rest a quick but loving peck on his lips.

“Gosh, I can’t stop kissing you now” Sam answered as he reciprocated the kiss with one of his own.

“Sam…” the doctor reprimanded him playfully.

“Just one more” Sam promised before delivering a last kiss to Blaine’s lips. “Love you”

“Love you too” Blaine answered with a gentle caress to Sam’s cheek with the back of his fingers, clearly seeing in his eyes that he was more than a little apprehensive.

The doctor didn’t give them the change to prolong the moment any longer as he wheeled the chair with Blaine away. Sam and Sebastian stood at the door of their room for a while, just looking at Blaine’s retreating back, each lost in his own thoughts.

“You ok?” Sebastian asked after a whole minute in which Sam still had to move.

“Yeah” Sam answered, not too convincingly, as he walked back into the room to wait. “It’s just… those tests always make me nervous. You never know what the result is going to be”

“I know” Sebastian answered with a sympathetic smile, squeezing Sam’s shoulder to offer some comfort. “But hey, at least Blaine is better now and we don’t have to wear those horrible things anymore. I’m sure he will be discharged in no time”

“Yeah” Sam answered with a more honest smile this time. “You want to go to the cafeteria and have a drink meanwhile?”

**********

There was no way to convince Sam to go home that night, as he argued that he was unable to sleep anyway without Blaine at his side so Cooper better took advantage of it and at least have some sleep himself. And since Blaine wasn’t isolated anymore anyway, he could jump on the bed with him –to which Blaine only smiled and nodded vigorously.

What he didn’t say, though, was that the doctor’s visit had left him more than a little… upset. He knew it was only routine, that they needed to check how everything was going and they were not doing it because they suspected something was wrong… but he couldn’t help, he was nervous. And that’s why he needed to stay with Blaine, the only person who could calm his nerves just with his presence and sweet and serene attitude, even if he was not going to tell him about his fears because the last thing he wanted was to scare him too.

At least he stopped thinking for a while when, after dinner and when Cooper had already left for home, Blaine claimed to be tired. And Sam helped him to the bed and was about to tuck him in when Blaine, very seriously, asked if he had not been serious about sleeping with him. Of course he had only been joking –they were at the hospital, after all–, but Blaine’s adorable pout immediately made him change his mind, so he carefully climbed on the bed with him. And when Blaine let his head rest trustingly on his chest… well, it was easy to forget about everything that wasn’t him. And if on top of that he put the remote on his hand and told him that he could watch TV even if he slept, because he could hardly keep his eyes open but it still felt like he was leaving Sam on the lurch so he wanted to compensate some way… Some time ago he would have never thought he would love someone so much that just lying with them felt like heaven. But it did, and he wouldn’t change it for the world, he thought as he rested a loving kiss on the top of Blaine’s head and switched the TV on, volume impossibly low so as not to bother his boyfriend, hoping for sleep to find him soon.

And he slept surprisingly well, considering the narrowness of the bed. He was starting to think that he really needed Blaine with him to sleep and it was not only a joke. But then it was morning again and, with it, all his fears came back as they waited for the results of Blaine’s TC scan.

Cooper must not have been doing much better, considering how early he was back at the hospital, even before they had breakfast. Of course he tried to disguise it under his usual nonsense, joking here and there, for the same reason that Sam did: so as not to scare Blaine. After all, he seemed to be in a pretty good mood, just thinking about how he was possibly going to leave the hospital that day, and they didn’t want to ruin it for him if it wasn’t absolutely necessary.

It wasn’t until at least two hours later that they heard a knock on the door. Both Cooper and Sam’s heart froze for a moment, and in the end it was the older man who moved to politely open the door, knowing who he was going to find at the other side.

“Good morning, boys” the doctor greeted them when he entered the room, not sounding as cheerful as the day before.

“Hey, doc, tell me you are coming to discharge me” Blaine joked, but he immediately noticed the doctor’s stance and his smile froze on his face. “What’s wrong?”

“Blaine…” the doctor seemed to hesitate, as if was trying to find the courage to speak, but in the end he breathed deeply and went on, “things are not going as we were expecting”

“What does that mean?” Sam intervened, unable to stay quiet any longer as his biggest fears seemed to be coming true.

“It means his tumor is not reacting to the chemo as we were expecting it to react”

“It hasn’t reduced?”

“Hardly anything” the doctor answered with a frustrated sigh. “Surely not enough to operate”

“Oh” Blaine exclaimed, not really knowing what to say.

“But… what do we do now, then?” Cooper asked, worriedly looking at his brother.

“Well… we’ll try another treatment” the doctor tentatively suggested, knowing his news were not going to be well received.

“A new one? A whole new treatment?” Sam repeated, unbelieving and angry in equal parts. “He was supposed to be close to finishing this one”

“I know, Sam, I’m sorry” the doctor calmly apologize, trying to placate Sam’s fury because he perfectly understood it –he was hugely frustrated himself, and Blaine wasn’t even his family–. “Things didn’t go as we planned, there was no way to know if it was going to work. But that doesn’t mean the new one won’t either”

“But it’s like starting all over again, isn’t it?” Sam protested, not yet ready to be understanding.

“I’m afraid so”

“What the hell, hasn’t he been through enough?”

“Sam, calm down” Blaine finally intervened, resting his hand on Sam’s thigh to squeeze it in a comforting way. “It’s not the doctor’s fault”

“I don’t care whose fault it is, it’s a damned shit” Sam retorted, not only angry but also feeling guilty that it was Blaine reassuring him, and not the other way around even if he couldn’t help it.

“It’s not that big a deal, it just means going on for a bit longer, right, doc?” Blaine asked, looking knowingly at the doctor, asking for some help.

“Well…” the doctor hated to contradict his favorite patient, especially now that he was being so positive and fighting, but he had to be honest, “we’ve been discussing it at the oncology department and… this new treatment needs to be more aggressive in order to be effective”

“Which means…?” Cooper asked, desperately needing to know what his little brother was going to go through in the following months.

“Which means… more frequent sessions and harder side effects”

“Damn it” Sam exclaimed, practically yelling, as he jumped from his place on the bed in a sudden need to move and walked away towards the window so he wouldn’t have to see their worried faces. “I can’t believe this”

“I’m so sorry, boys” the doctor said to all of them, but his eyes fixated on Blaine’s, almost as if he was asking for forgiveness because he had failed him. “I was really hoping we wouldn’t come to this”

“It’s ok” Blaine immediately absolved him, understanding, but when he could see no one believed him he said it again. “It’s really ok, guys. We already knew it was not going to be easy, we just need to fight a bit harder, that’s all”

Sam felt tears breaking in his eyes at the strength Blaine was showing. Why the hell couldn’t he be strong like that for him? If he hadn’t admired him enough before, he surely did now. Everything felt as if it was crumpling, and yet it was Blaine the one keeping a cool head and trying to encourage the others, when he had all the right in the world to break down, to cry, to scream his rage away. So he just discreetly wiped the unfallen tears, glad that his back was to the rest so they wouldn’t be able to see it.

“That’s the spirit” the doctor praised Blaine, also amazed at his positivity and his resilience.

“And come on, enough with the long faces” Blaine dared to joke, because he could see that Sam was so angry and Cooper was practically in shock, and it killed him to know he was the cause of it, so if he could do anything to improve the situation… “We should be happy, we’re still going home today, aren’t we?”

“Sure, you need to rest for at least a week before we start again” the doctor replied, glad that at least he could give him that.

“Ok, so that’s all that matters today” Blaine resolutely answered, as he had promised himself weeks ago he was not going to fall into despair again for the sake of those two –and his own–. “Coop? You with me?”

“Sure” Cooper answered, more because of will of power than real conviction.

“Love?” Blaine asked tentatively to his boyfriend.

Sam knew he couldn’t keep hiding, so he turned around and saw Blaine lifting a hand in his direction as if asking him to come back to him, as if pleading for him to fight a bit longer. And of course Sam couldn’t deny him anything, so he immediately complied and moved to take that hand in his and sit on the bed with him again.

“Yeah” Sam answered with new-found conviction, resting his forehead on the side of Blaine’s head and closing his eyes to keep some fresh tears at bay.

“Then help me get dressed, come on, I’m not staying here one minute longer than necessary” Blaine asked, pretending to be impatient just to give the other two something to do instead of letting them wallow in their misery.

And when both Sam and Cooper seemed to come out of his stupor, Sam looking for his clothes to help him as Cooper started packing everything, Blaine knew that they were going to make it somehow. He was going to make sure of that.

**********                                                                               

The doctor discharged Blaine as fast as he could, feeling bad that it was the only thing he could do for him –for all of them– for the moment: it was going to be difficult as it was, they desperately needed to spend a quiet week at home before madness started all over again. They were good people –Sam had even apologized to him for his outburst when he was back with the discharging papers–, they surely didn’t deserve any of that, he thought as he shook hands with Blaine before they disappeared along the corridor.

There weren’t many words spoken on their cab trip back home, each lost in their own thoughts as they tried to make sense of everything that was happening. But in the end none of them could find an answer that satisfied them even in the slightest, so they decided there was not much sense in spending their energy in understanding why it happened, but instead they should try to deal with it in the best possible way, just as they had been doing it until now.

And that’s why Sam joked about carrying Blaine bride-style until their door when he helped him out of the car, or why Cooper started humming a song as he unlocked the front door: normalcy was what they needed now, and they refused to let themselves drown. Especially when it was Blaine himself giving them a lesson of strength.

They decided to have a quiet afternoon at home all together, because even if they were trying to be positive and act as if nothing had changed, they desperately needed to feel close to the boy. And Blaine also needed to be surrounded by the people he loved the most in the world, so in the end they ended up watching a movie together, a comedy, with Blaine lying down on the couch practically on top of Sam, who never stopped half massaging, half caressing his neck and back even after Blaine fell asleep towards half of it. But the laughter he had shared with them until then had done a lot to ease their hearts a little. And when time for dinner came and Blaine didn’t refuse to eat –even if he ate so little–, they knew that it was going to be hard, but Blaine was going to fight to the last consequence.

After that there was no possible way that Blaine could stay up any longer, so Sam took him to their room and helped him into bed. He was going to get in himself, but Blaine refused, kindly arguing that it was too soon and that Sam didn’t need to babysit him 24/7 because he was going to fall asleep in no time anyway, so he should have a little time for himself to do whatever he wanted. Sam was going to say that staying with him was what he really wanted to do, but he guessed Blaine needed some time to himself too to come to terms with the news –even if he had taken them amazingly well, he was still human, wasn’t he?–. Or maybe he was just really tired, he didn’t know. But if he wanted to be alone, Sam would grant him that, even if reluctantly. So he just rested a slow kiss on his lips, caressed his cheek with all the love in the world and whispered good night before silently leaving the room.

“Weren’t you going to bed?” Cooper asked from where he was lying on the couch, once it had been vacated by the couple.

“No, just Blaine” Sam answered without much information as he sat down in the armchair with a sigh.

“Is he okay?” Cooper asked, immediately worried.

“Yeah, but he said he was going to fall asleep quickly so no sense for me in getting all bored there since I’m not tired”

“I guess… he just needed some time”

“I guess” Sam agreed, sighing again.

“And you?” Cooper asked, looking incisively at him.

“I what?”

“How are you?” Cooper insisted, as he was not going to let him avoid the question again. “We haven’t had the chance to talk yet”

“I’m alright, I guess” Sam answered in honesty. “It was quite a blow when the doctor said it”

“I know” Cooper nodded, perfectly understanding the feeling.

“But if he won’t break down, neither will I” Sam continued, his chest fill with pride for his brave boyfriend. “As long as he keeps fighting like this, we’ll be alright”

“He’s a stubborn little cuss, isn’t he?” Cooper added, smiling fondly at his little brother’s pig-headedness.

“And I’ve never been happier that he is” Sam answered, not even joking anymore even if he reciprocated his brother-in-law’s smile.

“We’ll get out of this” Cooper promised, looking intently at Sam, as if he had never felt more in sync with him.

“We will” Sam agreed.

And damn it, he was going to make sure of it.

**********

It wasn’t until an hour later when Sam made it back into the room he shared with Blaine, because he felt he desperately needed to be with him that day, even if he was asleep. But one quick look at him showed him that he wasn’t: his eyes were still wide open as he lied on his back, looking at the ceiling as if it was the most fascinating thing he had ever watched.

“Hey” Sam whispered so as not to scare him, as he had been so silent in opening the door that he doubted Blaine had even heard him.

“Hey” Blaine answered with the ghost of a smile, his face immediately turning to the source of the beloved voice.

“I thought you’d be asleep by now” Sam continued, if only to break the ice, as he started to undress.

“So did I” Blaine answered with a sigh, his eyes turning to the ceiling again.

“Maybe it’s because you’re too used to me by now and can’t sleep if I’m not at your side?” Sam dared to joke, even if he was not sure how it was going to be received in such serious circumstances. “Because it happens to me too”

“Maybe” Blaine smiled, even if it seemed as if he was making an effort.

“Then let me fix it” Sam offered as he took his place in the bed and got under the covers to avoid the late fall chill.

“You don’t have…” Blaine tried to protest, not wanting for his boyfriend to feel obliged to keep him company, but of course that fool was even more stubborn than he was and didn’t listen to him.

“Oops, too late, I’m already here” Sam joked as he finished making himself comfortable on the pillows and then lifted his arm as an invitation for Blaine to get under it.

“Ok” Blaine answered with a chuckle, more honest this time, as he complied and quickly nestled under Sam’s wing, his absolutely favorite place in the world.

They fell in silence for a while, just relishing in their touching skins and the warmth it always provided to their hearts. Sam didn’t want to rush Blaine into anything, but maybe he really needed to talk about what was keeping him awake –and surely asking wasn’t going to hurt, right?

“You ok?”

“Yeah” Blaine answered, and even if he didn’t sound heartbroken, it was clear that there was something troubling him.

“You… wanna talk? About what’s happening?”

“I don’t think there is much to say”

“Well, you can tell me how you are feeling about it”

“I don’t know” Blaine honestly answered, not really knowing it himself. “I’m… worried and… a bit scared, I guess. But nothing I haven’t dealt with before”

“I am too” Sam confessed, hoping that the fact that Blaine knew he wasn’t alone in that would make him feel better.

“I know” Blaine acknowledged. “Gosh, I wish…”

“What?” Sam encouraged him to continue when Blaine stopped so abruptly.

“Forget it” Blaine responded instead with a slight shake of his head, before kissing Sam’s chest and letting his head rest in that same spot, as if he considered the conversation finished.

“Tell me” Sam urged him, resting his hand on the back of Blaine’s neck for an encouraging squeeze.

“No, forget it”

“Blaine, please, you promised you wouldn’t keep anything inside again, remember?”

Blaine didn’t answer for a minute, but this time Sam didn’t insist because he could see he was trying to decide if he should talk or not, conflicted as he was between something he didn’t want to say and the promise to always be honest he had made to him just a few weeks ago.

“It doesn’t matter, you’re not going to listen anyway…” Blaine finally spoke, surprising Sam with his enigmatic words.

“Just let me decide that” Sam implored, holding Blaine’s smaller body more strongly to his to remind him he was there for him.

“I…” Blaine tried again, hesitating. “I can’t stop thinking that… I wish you would leave me”

“What?” Sam asked, completely in shock at what he was hearing.

“Sometimes I wish you would just go away and never come back” Blaine insisted, even if the shaking of his voice told Sam how much it was hurting him to say it.

“What the hell are you talking about? You don’t want me here?” Sam asked, his heart racing with fear at the implications of Blaine’s words.

“Sam, I love you more than life itself, and watching you go would kill me” Blaine admitted, looking so intently at Sam that the blond felt as if he could see through him.

“Then?” Sam asked, not understanding what was happening until he deciphered all the love in Blaine’s eyes and suddenly it all came to him. “You’re still worried about me?”

“This is what I was so afraid of, Sam, and why I broke up with you at the beginning. I knew it would get this difficult and…”

“And I’m still here, right?”

“You damn are” Blaine answered with a sarcastic chuckle, and it was so out of place to hear him cursing that it broke Sam’s heart, because he could understand the conflict in him, wanting him to stay and to disappear at the same time.

“Then it hasn’t gotten too difficult just yet, babe” Sam tried to convince him, because to him it was as simple as that.

“You are so angry…” Blaine observed with a gentle caress to Sam’s cheek that told the blond how guilty he felt about being the cause of it. “You try to hide it, but I can read you like a book”

Sam wanted to deny it, to make Blaine believe that he wasn’t and that everything was ok. But he couldn’t, he couldn’t bring himself to lie. So he just remained quiet.

“And I’m afraid” Blaine continued, only in a whisper.

“Of what?”

“That… this is killing you” Blaine confessed, his voice breaking at the end.

“It’s not” Sam hurried to contradict him, even cupping Blaine’s cheeks with both hands to make sure he was listening. “Blaine, look at me: it’s not. I’m angry, that’s right, and frustrated and… enraged even, you’re right but… I can deal with it. And at the end of the day… I just want to be with you”

“It’s too much, especially considering that…” Blaine stopped himself again, already regretting having brought it on, because of course Sam was not going to let it go.

“That what?” Sam insisted, sensing that it was important so he didn’t mind playing the guilt card again. “Blaine, what? Come on, you promised”

“I don’t want you to go through all of this when we don’t know if it’s going to be… worth it”

Sam needed a few seconds to recover his breath after Blaine’s words. So that was what had him so worried? That if he didn’t make it none of what Sam had done would have been worth it? Well, he knew it was a possibility. A real one. But he had known from the beginning and it had never changed anything. And it wasn’t going to do it now.

“I don’t care” Sam said, this time being him the one to look intently at his boyfriend until the latter felt forced to lower his gaze.

“But I…”

“Blaine, you think I’m just here because this is the price I have to pay until you’re back on your feet? No, I’m here because I love you. Not a promise of future, I love _you._ Right now. In whichever state you are. I wouldn’t change any of the moments spent with you for anything in this world. Not even this one”

“But Sam…” Blaine tried to insist, his eyes getting glazy with tears he refused to share, but it only worked to reinforce Sam in his arguments.

“It might seem strange, but these last five months… well, they have been the happiest of my life. Only because every day I come home and you are here, sharing your life with me”

“In spite of everything else?” Blaine asked, his eyes full of hope for an affirmative answer.

“In spite of everything else” Sam repeated. “You remember the other day, when I had that horrible fight with a client of the restaurant and I came home venting about it and you stayed calm, made me rest my head on your lap and listened to me telling you all about it while you caressed my hair?”

“Yeah”

“It took you… what? Two minutes to calm me down? Even if I had been fretting about it for hours. And you remember how yesterday we spent like ten minutes just laughing ours asses off because you made me laugh while I was drinking and I spit my coke all over myself?”

Blaine’s answer was to chuckle at the reminder of that, and how ridiculous Sam had looked with his drink falling from the corners of his mouth as he tried to stifle a laugh. And that was the way that Sam knew he was convincing him.

“And… I love waking up next to you like nothing else in the world. It’s like a day can never go wrong if you are the first thing I see in the morning, you know?” Sam went on when he noticed how Blaine’s eye shone with emotion at his words. “I couldn’t have lived all those moments if I wasn’t here. I’m not just waiting for you to get better, I’m enjoying every step of the way with you, that’s all”

Sam was surprised when Blaine, instead of saying anything, took the covers and threw them over their heads, completely shielding them from the outside world. Blaine looked at Sam, his gaze full of love, and smiled at his boyfriend’s confused expression.

“That’s how I would love everything to be. Just us. Nothing else”

This time it was Sam the one unable to find his voice, so he cupped Blaine’s face again and neared his face until he could capture his lips in a slow kiss.

“Can we stay here for the entire week?” Blaine pleaded, only half joking, because he couldn’t think of a better way to spend his last free days than enveloped in his boyfriend’s strong and familiar arms.

“Only you and I” Sam promised with another kiss.

The fight would have to wait for a week. Until then, nothing was going to beat them.


End file.
